The Mihoshi Incident MSTified by Timothy McLees /w help from Megane 6.7 Original by Derek Sherman This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Tenchi Muyo! characters created by AIC/Pioneer LDC. Outside shot of SOL, drifting in the depths of space. An ominous cloud of yellow gas approaches. The bone-shaped craft passed through the cloud and continues... Next day--Mike & the bots get up bright and early. Mike is in striped pajama, Crow has a cute nightcap and Tom with little bunny slippers. Mike: Ah good morning everyone. I'm Mike Nelson, you might rememeber me as the captive aboard the Satellite of Love. Me and the guys were just to enjoy a fresh breakfast to start off the day. Tom (Looking down at his breakfast) Some toast, eggs, yummy...Errr, guys? Has anyone seen C-Ko? Crow: Yeah, usually the little tyke is up at about, all chipper & stuff. Mike: She is quite a morning person isn't she. C-Ko (off-screen): Ahh...good morning everyone! Mike & Bots: Good morn... (As C-Ko enters the bridge and joins the gang, several things are obvious: She's a lot taller, about at Mike's shoulders. The top of her pink pajamas barely come below her navel. She also looks a lot older. In short, she's built more like a normal 16 year old.) Mike: Gyah! Tom: Wow, this is new. Crow (slyly): I'd say! You've been drinking milk, haven't you? C-Ko (blushes): Oh Crow! Mike: This is really odd, we'll be back in a second. (Commercials: How much would you pay for a singing, soulful Hecules. He grew up *with* the pegasus and is the offspring of Zeus & "his wife". Ah-Huh.) (Back to the bridge. Tom is analyzing C-Ko with what looks like a GameBoy with plastic parts attatched to it, painted all white) Mike: Results, Dr. Servo, any abnomal lifesigns or patterns Tom: No, but I got a free game on Tetris. Neat! Mike( grabs the "scanner" from Tom): Will you give me that! Crow (comes in with a large Minnesota U. shirt in his mouth): Mrph-rrr...there ya go! (C-Ko slips on the shirt) I must say you look kind of fine in that. Tom (Whispers): Crow, this is C-Ko your'e talking about. Crow (whispers): I know, its kinda spooky Mike: This is too weird! It like you hit & went through puberty overnight! C-Ko (looks down at her new, improved bust line): Well, perhaps I've just been saving it up! (sheepish grin, Mad light flashes) Hmmm, Captain Throwaway's calling. Tom double takes to C-Ko. Deep 13 (Frank, in his long johns looks up to the monitor) Frank: Good morning, guys. (Leans a little closer) C-Ko, is that you? C-Ko: Yup! How do I look? Frank: Wow...(sniffles) they grow up so fast...(blows his nose in a hanky) Doctor Forrester (comes in, glances at the screen): Good heavens, what have you been feeding her!?! An improvement at least (smiles deviously, then reverts to normal). Anyway, today's experiment is yet another ill fated anime/Star Trek crossover, this time featuring the blondest being in the universe... SOL Tom: Great Scott, no... Crow: Not *her*... Mike: That is *so* wrong... C-Ko: Baka desu... Deep 13 Doc F (confidently): Yup, Mihoshi and Sasami, that disgustingly cute little girl and her furball, pay a little visit to the Enterprise D in "The Mihoshi Incident". Send them the fic! Frank: Live to serve ya! SOL Lights & Sirens, you know the rest Mike & C-Ko: We've got Mihoshi SIGN!!! Bots:Whhhhaaaa-hoooo... Entrance sequence (6, 5,4,3,2,1) (Note: Many thanks to Derek for letting me post these on my page, until he gets his page up and running. When he does, I should be taking them off here in favor of his site. He also asked me to note that these are still a somewhat rough draft, and he's tweaking them some as he goes.) *Crow (Pauly Shore): Tweaking Mihoshi's melons! Aaahooo! *C-Ko: Please, don't ever do that again. *Crow: Sorry. Subject: [FFML] [fanfic] The Mihoshi Incident, chapter 1 Sent: 8/25/96 4:25 PM Received: 8/26/96 1:53 AM From: Derek Sherman, doppleganger *Mike: Derek gets the most responses because he's a shapeshifter! @usa.pipeline.com Reply-To: Fanfic ML, fanfic@fanfic.com To: Fanfic ML, fanfic@fanfic.com The Mihoshi Incident *Tom (Sulu): An *incident?* A Tenchi Muyo/Star Trek crossover *All: Oh *GODS!* By : Derek Sherman (doppleganger@usa.pipeline.com or mondomage@aol.com) *Crow (Peabody): Sherman, set the Wayback Machine for the 1996, we must stop the creation of the Macerena! Legal Stuff --------------------------------------------------------------------- As with all anime fanfics, the characters described herein are the copyrighted property of their creators, owners, production studios, and whoever else might decide to sue me if they thought I was worth the trouble. ^_^ --------------------------------------------------------------------- *Tom: If anyone has information leading to the abprehention of this criminal and want to collect an easy 10 grand, call 1-800-CrimeTV *Crow: Our tenth squealer will receive free tickets to see the Blues Brothers LIVE in concert! *Mike: Offer void to Nazis and all officers of the law. Author's note : This is my first "official" foray into the territory of crossovers, *C-Ko: The "unofficial" ones are still under investigation. *Crow: This is going to be good... *Mike: At least he's admitting he's inexperienced. Most fanboys would protect and defend their works as the next Citizen Kane. *Tom: Remember Oscar's happy rant? *Crow: How can I forget! and into both the Tenchi Muyo and Star Trek universes. If you have any comments at all about this work of mine - be they good, bad, or indifferent - please send them! *C-Ko: Arigato Gozaimasu! *Mike: Much obliged. *Crow (Ash): Good, bad, indifferent. I'm the one with the gun! And now, on with the show! *Tom (Announcer) Bachelorette #1 is a energy-slinging space pirate on the run... *Mike (ditto) Bachelorette #2 hails from a royal family from Jurai... *Crow mimics Dating Game theme... ********** *Tom: Christmas in July... *Mike: Are you ever going to run out of snow/chapter line comments *C-Ko Snow body knows. *Crow: OK, C-Ko, that was just bad. Chapter 1 - Off We Go.... It was a peaceful scene, one that many people would dream of. A distinguished-looking home nestled on the shore of a calm lake, surrounded by forested hills. *Tom: Robins strangled by plastic six-pacck loops *Mike: Drunken teens at a kegger... *C-Ko: Tranquil, isn't it? *Crow (drowsy): Oh...yes......zzzzzz... A mild breeze rustles the leaves. Birds and insects call out ceaselessly to whomever was listening. *Mike (MiB Kay): The *Noisy Cricket*(tm) *C-Ko: Good Morning! Good Morning the little birds say! *Tom: Will ya quiet down! We're trying to score with the Bondage Fairies. Hey, howzit goin'?... A handful of white, puffy clouds crawl lazily across the sapphire sky. Yes, a beautiful scene. *C-Ko: A happy little forest, and lets place a poofy little tree right here, oh yes... *Mike: Like a little jungle... *Tom: Place a little napalm brown, here, hehheheh... *C-Ko: That's Not very nice, Tom! *Crow: Suddenly, a loud explosion shocks the birds to silence. *Tom: Not to mention incenerates them with the blast. *C-Ko: (A-Ko)'SCUSE US!... *Crow (awakens): GYAH! Wha? A cloud of dense black smoke erupts from several windows on the house's upper floor. *Mike: Hide the stash, guys! The cops are here! Startled shouts and screams come from inside the house. Another explosion, *Tom: This week on "This Old Detonation"... *Crow: I am the MAD BOMBER that bombs at midnight!!! Evil's good! YEAHBABY!!! and even more smoke belches out of the upper windows. *Mike: Sorry folks, pistachios *really* upset my stomach. Now, distinct voices can be made out. A woman's voice, shrill and deafening. *C-Ko: That describes, like, half the anime females out there. "Ryoko! Look at this mess! How could you *DO* such a thing?!" *Crow: What can I say, I'm evil? *Tom: Ayeka's known her this long and she still ask to ask that? Another woman, her voice defiant. *Mike: And that describes another fourth. "Hey! Don't you go blaming me for this! Washu never told me that this thing would blow up at the highest setting!" *C-Ko (Washu): Would you *mind* not playing with the thermo-nuclear device, please? *Crow: Quality family entertainment with *HIGH EXPLOSIVES!* YEAHBABY! "Don't go trying to shift the blame, Ryoko! You shouldn't have taken that thing from Washu's lab in the first place! What *is* that... device... anyway?" *Tom (Washu): Here you have This Device (tm). A harsh laugh. "You mean to tell me that you don't know what this is?" A barrage of laughter. "Boy, you *ARE* an inexperienced one, aren't you?" *Tom: Ouch! *Mike: Them's fightin' words. *Crow: Cat Fight! Awrighty! "WHAT?! Why, you.... you.... demon!" A third woman's voice joins the chorus. *C-Ko: Ladies & gentlemen, the SPICE GIRLS! *Tom: That's a *really* odd image! "Will you two please stop it! I mean, what's done is done, and there's no use arguing about it if it's already done, right?" *Mike (Mihoshi): Come on! We can have some mocca & do our nails, it'll be fun! *Crow: Oddly assertive, isn't she? *Tom: Hmm. The first two women, in unison, "Shut up, Mihoshi!" *All: Thank you! Now a man's voice, "What the...? What are you doing to my house now? Geez!" The defiant woman again, *Mike (Rocky the Squirrel): Again? *C-Ko: Please, continue to use ambiguous nouns. Not like we know who these people are or anything... now apologetic. "Tenchi! *Tom: He was the *man's* voice, right? *Crow: Isn't he, like, 16 tops? *C-Ko: Hmmm, that's plenty mature enough... *Mike: C-Ko? *C-Ko: What? Why, I.... uh.... I was doing some.... uh.... redecorating!" Yet another female voice, this one noticeably younger-sounding. *Tom: Mari? *Crow: Pan? *C-Ko: Clara? where did that come from? *The rest look at C-Ko, concerned. "Dinner's ready!" Yet another normal day in the Masaki household. --- *Tom: They cleared off the snow, good. *Mike: Geeezz... Mihoshi held a pillow in a close, smothering embrace, giggling almost hysterically. *C-Ko: It's Tickle Me Mihoshi! *Crow: From the makers of the Inflatable Urd... Despite the interruption, she hadn't missed as much of her favorite show as she had feared. Marthus had apologized profusely and proclaimed his undying love, *Tom: Sent his ex on an "extended vacation" and even gone so far as to adopt the two illegitimate hatchlings that he had sired. Janus had taken him back into her house and it looked like they were going to live happily ever after. Life was good. *Mike (announcer): But what of Carl and his love for Steve? *C-Ko: And just who did shoot Diego, anyway? So enraptured was she in her own joy at that moment that Mihoshi didn't feel the hand on her shoulder at first. *Tom (elderly): Yahhhh! Death! *Mike: The grunge girl or the volumpuous she-demon. *Crow: Decisions, decisions... *C-Ko: (Lisa Simpson): No, Grandpa, that's the cat. It wasn't until the fifth "Mihoshi!" that she realized someone was talking to her. She looked up from the pillow. *Tom (elderly): YAH! Death!!! it was Sasami, Ryo-ohki perched on her head. *C-Ko: No, Grandpa it's just Ryo-Ohki. *Tom: Ahhh!!! Even worse! *Crow: Hey! "Oh! Sasami! I didn't see you there. What is it?" Sasami smiled. "You're watch is ringing "Huh?" Mihoshi glanced at the multi-purpose communicator/criminal detector/temporal indicator strapped to her wrist. "Why, you're absolutely right Sasami! Thank you very much." "Sure." Sasami replied, smiling. *Mike (Sasami, under her breath): Twit! *C-Ko: (ditto) Mihoshi no baka desu! Mihoshi smiled back and pressed the communications button. *Crow: Tracy here. "Yes?" "MIHOSHI!" *All: GYAH! *Tom: What's his problem? *Crow (deep): It's Jesus, I have a message for you. (Crow stops & leans way away from Mike) Stopping right there! *Mike: Good. Yukinojo's distraught voice blared from the communicator. "I've been trying to contact you for over an hour! Where have you been!?" *Tom: Hitting the bars? *C-Ko: That's not very nice, she probably just forgot what day it was. "What? Oh, I was.... ah.... I was... well..." "Never mind that," the impatient computer interrupted. "It's time for us to start our patrol of the system." "Already? But we just patrolled it..." Mihoshi tried to count off the days on her fingers. "Um... last week!" "Eight days ago, to be exact." the computer clarified. "And we're supposed to patrol the system once a week - which is seven days. We're behind schedule!" *Crow: 45% downloaded..60%..76%..90%... *C-Ko: We must be ready for Dukat at any time...(shakes her head) *Mike: You feeling alright, C-Ko? *C-Ko: I think so. Mihoshi absorbed the logic of that and nodded. *Crow: Download Complete! *Tom: About bloody time! "You're so very right, Yukinojo. We'd better get going, then." "I'll be waiting for you're arrival, Mihoshi." *Mike: This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds..." Tossing the pillow aside, Mihosi jumped to her feet. "I've got a duty to perform!" *Crow: (Mihoshi): I'll be the best darn Wendy's cashier you've ever seen! *C-Ko: Power up the forward torpedoes! *Tom: Are you sure you're OK? *C-Ko nods she shouted happily. "It's time to patrol the solar system!" "Really?" Sasami asked, her eyes sparkling. "Can I go with you?" *Mike (motherly): After you've cleaned your room. Ryo-Ohki cocked her head to one side and meowed expectantly. "I mean, can *we* go with you? Please?" Mihoshi paused. "Well, I suppose you could, *Tom: Nothing wrong with taking kids along on police assignments, sure! but don't you have to prepare dinner for everyone? We could be gone for a while." The young Juraian princess shook her head. *Crow: Almost forgot who Sasami was. Thanks. "No, Ayeka's cooking dinner tonight. She said she wanted to fix something special for Tenchi." *Mike (Sasami): Akane's been helping her all afternoon... *Tom: Uh-oh... "Ah." Mihoshi pulled a white puff-ball out of her pocket, compressed it, and smiled as the fluffy ball turned into a pink cube. "Well, I guess it's alright then. Are you ready?" *C-Ko: I'll just set my Tamagotchi to temproal warp and... "Just a second." Sasami said, running over and poking her head into the kitchen. "Ayeka! Ryo-Ohki and I are going out with Mihoshi! Be back soon!" Ayeka, whose head was buried beneath the sink, gave a muffled reply. *Tom: The rest of her body was flailing around the kitchen. *Crow: Probably looking for a Magic Juice (tm) pan. Running back over to where Mihoshi was standing, Sasami nodded once. "Ready." *C-Ko: Enthusiastic child. She'd be an excellent cadet in... *Crow: C-Ko, you're freaking us out. *C-Ko: What? I'm simply stating that-- Ooouuu... "Mrrow!" Ryo-Ohki agreed. "Okay, here we go!" *Tom (Mihoshi): Off to our deaths! Wheeee... Mihoshi gave the cube a twist, and the trio vanished. Ayeka walked out of the kitchen, bits of carrot and potato peelings visible in her hair and on her clothing. *Mike: Went a little happy with the Veg-a-matic 76, I see. "Sasami? Going where?" She looked around. "Sasami? Hmph. Now where did they get off too?" There was a brief roar outside. *Tom:: Kimba? *C-Ko: Vincent? *Mike: Gamera? *Crow: Goliath? By the time Ayeka reached the large sliding glass doors, Mihoshi's ship was but a tiny speck of light climbing into the sky. Hand over her mouth, all she could bring herself to say was "Oh, my." --- Contrary to what many science-fiction shows would have one believe, space is basically a vast expanse of nothing. Mighty planets, blazing stars, glowing galaxies, beautiful to the last - but all were separated from one another by unimaginable distances of nothing. *Tom (deep): How does this make you feel? Even ships travelling at superluminal speeds must travel for long periods of time before coming upon anything of interest, no matter how meager. Long periods of time that often lead to intense boredom. *Mike: And useless expositions. What's a person to do? *Crow: Exchange Ani-Mayhem cards. *Mike: Conspire against your'e shipmates *C-Ko: Incinerate a random alien ship or three. (ecstatic) Mmmm.... *Mike slowly turns to C-Ko, shudders Some species put their spaceship crews in suspended animation for the duration. *Tom: Human Tupperware: keep your humans fresh! Others use computer generated virtual reality simulations to keep crews alert. One species went so far as to keep busy by playing certain collectable card games smuggled from the off-limits planetoid known as Earth *Mike: Oh geez, Louise, I'm sure ultra-smart aliens have nothing to do than play Magic all the live long day. *Crow (Spock): It is illogical! A zebra dropped from the sky is not flying, it is falling. It's not only dead by the end of the turn, there shouldn't be enough left to to in a graveyard when it impacts! to keep it's starship staffers from going insane during the long journeys. There were as many methods as there were space-faring races. *Tom: Some worse than others... *Mike: Like Karaoke. And, contrary to over three dozen GP regulations, if you were a certain Galaxy Policeperson, you watched soap operas. "Mihoshi? What are they doing?" *Tom: Telling each other secrets. *C-Ko: Really? *Tom: Well, no. *Crow: Bow-whacka-chakow... "Ummm.... they're kissing." "They are?" Sasami leaned closer to the screen. "I've never seen anyone kiss like that before." *Crow (Mihoshi): Please, allow me to demonstrate... *Mike reaches down grabs a bucket & pours it over Crow. *Crow: Guuuu...thanks Mike! I have no idea where the hell that came from. That was wrong even by my tastes. *C-Ko: Thank goodness for waterproofing. Ryo-Ohki nodded in agreement. "Meow-ow!" "Well, you see... they're Octarians, and Octarians don't have.... um, well..... they don't..." Mihoshi buried her face in her hands. "Oh, this is so embarrassing!" *Tom: A grown woman is ashamed of this... *Crow: Well, remember who's trying to describe this. She stammered for a few more minutes before finally stating "That's just the way they do it." Sasami seemed satisfied with the answer and turned back to watch the show some more. *C-Ko: How innocent, how pure, she *will* be an excellent cadet... *Tom: Mike! Make her stop! *Crow: Yeah! You'd think Greg Thompson got a hold of you. *C-Ko: Who? Errrk... *Mike: Would some warm milk help, C-Ko? *C-Ko: (sobbing) Uh-huh... *Mike gets up & leaves Glad to have passed that hurdle, Mihoshi leaned back on the couch and sighed... only to gasp as a loud alarm blared out of a nearby speaker. *Tom: We have reached the plot point! She jumped to her feet, knocking over a table and several chairs in the process. Yukinojo's voice rang out from the command center. "Mihoshi!" *Crow: Ya know, ever since he lost that Excaliber role to Widget, he's been really on edge. Mihoshi stumbled into the command center, stubbing her toes against an overturned chair. *All: (Sing the Dick Van Dyke Show Theme) "Ouch! My foot!" She began leaping around, her injured foot in her hands. "Ow!Ow!Ow!Ow!" "Mihoshi! Mihoshi! MIHOSHI!" the computer was shouting now, *Tom (Yukinojo): I do *not* get paid enough for this. *C-Ko (ditto): At least I didn't get agents Bulk & Skull its articulated head bobbing up and down in agitation. "Hmm?" Looking up from her foot, Mihoshi noticed that several alarms were ringing now. "What's going on, Yukinojo?" *Crow (Yukinojo) The fries are done! And so's the fried chicken! Hurry up! "What's happening, Mihoshi?" Sasami inquired, stepping carefully around the overturned chair. "Mihoshi, sensors are picking up an anomalous energy surge ahead of us." *Crow (Yukinojo): Cool, huh? Yukinojo moved closer to Mihoshi. *C-Ko: Does this bug you, I'm not touching you... "Regulation 167 sub- paragraph 4 states that all anomalous energy readings should be investigated." *Crow: Regulation 322 states that personnel should proceed directly into the cliche plot hook. "Oh, okay." Mihoshi turned to the young princess. *Tom: That would be, oh who is she... "Sasami, *Tom: AH! Arigato! strap yourself into a chair and hang on! I've got some Police work to do!" *Crow: A strict interregation? Cool! When do you get physical? *C-Ko: Bad Crow! "All right!" Sasami squealed in delight. "Finally we get to see some action! Ready, Ryo-Ohki?" *C-Ko: Splendid, Sasami, let's see your skills in a combat situation. *Crow: C-Ko... *C-Ko: Is there a problem? *Crow: Ahhhh...no ma'am. *C-Ko: Good. The cabbit's ears perked up. "Mrreow-ow!" Strapping herself in the command chair, Mihoshi paused a moment to adjust the blue GP-issue cap that sat on her head. "Okay, Yukinojo... *Tom: Stand by...for ACTION! let's go see what's up with that anona... amona... amolama... that energy surge you mentioned." "Right away, Mihoshi!" *C-Ko: Make it so! *Bots turn to C-Ko, shake their heads --------------------------------------------------------- *Tom: Not much traffic on I-435... *Crow: Now he's doing road/chapter break jokes, super! That's the end of chapter 1. As always any and all C&C is *Crow: Your wish is our command. *Tom: Like we have a choice *Mike enters with a glass. welcommed and appreciated. Just be kind to me if you don't like it ^_^ *Bots *C-Ko: Ah, thanks, Mike (begins sipping the milk) Derek Chapter 2 - Through the Looking Glass *Mike (British Falsetto) Off with her head! *Crow: I wish... Deep within the sub-dimension that she called home, the self- proclaimed'Most Intelligent (not to mention the Cutest) Scientist in the Universe'sat securely in the center of an enormous contrap- tion of her own design. *Tom: Washu E. Coyote: *Super* Genius! While the intrinsic workings of the device were far beyond the comprehension of anyone not familiar with the tenets of dimensional physics, temporal mechanics, and advanced subspace engineering, it's function was easily explainable- *C-Ko: It makes cappachino. *Crow: (Beavis) CAPPACHINO! *Mike: Don't start. the device scanned the dimensions and located any and all unusual phenomenon. *Tom: Push that button, and you get a samba. It also served as a nifty cross-dimensional communications device. "...and I'm telling you, Zor, *Tom (Washu): Carl Macek is a splendid man to work with... that there's no way that you can harness the amount of energy that you think that plant of yours can generate by using such out-dated technology." *C-Ko: What a sec! It actually is... *Mike: He must really need work. *Crow: After appearing in the dubbed Robotech, who wouldn't. Washu shrugged indifferently. "It's just not possible." "Well, if you're so smart," the purple-haired being on the monitor replied, "Then what technology *should* I use? This is the best the Republic has to work with." *Tom (Zor): We're still using Windows for Pete's sake! Washu rubbed her chin, deep in thought. *C-Ko (Washu): I'm in a completely pointless crossover scene, hmmm... *Crow: Squeak, squeak, squeak... *Mike: Wow, smooth. "Tell you what... if you send me all your information and notes regarding these so-called 'Flowers of Life', then I'll be more than happy to design you a system to obtain and utilize the bio-energy from them. I might even throw in a few other gadgets, too, *Mike: A Video Toaster.. *Crow: Some Magic cards... *C-Ko: Even a Chia Pet! *Tom (Washu): "Pottery that grows." What the hell was I smoking!? since you're such a cutie." She winked at him. "How about a space fold drive that operates at much higher velocities than the FTL drives you're using now?" Blushing furiously, the alien smiled. *Mike (Zor): Flirt! "You sure have a way with words, Washu. It's a deal. I'll collect all the data I have and send it via this channel." "I'll be waiting, Zor." Washu replied. "Over and out." Closing the channel, Washu leaned back and sighed. *Crow (Washu): Oh bother he's FTPing it! This'll take forever! Let the humans have their Internet and IRC and E-mail and all that, she'd take a decent inter-dimensional interface with a fellow scientist any day. *Tom: I'm guessing it still crashes every other week from overuse. Take that Zor fellow... a strange cookie, to be sure, but his heart seemed to be in the right place. An annoying buzz interrupted her train of thought *C-Ko: I'd say it was Mihoshi, but she's not here. and Washu snapped her attention to the display, where a bright orange blob was flashing steadily. "Ah... what have we here?" *Mike: A little Windex should clear that up. Fingers flying over the control pad, Washu smiled. "A time-space warp? Haven't seen one of those in a while... and especially not inside a planetary system. I wonder what's causing it?" *Crow: Why, there's some Voyager writers out there *Tom (Washu): This is most dire! Delighting in the sheer complexity of the task she had set for herself, Washu set to work analyzing the warp. --- The main screen displayed what appeared to be a giant soap bubble, *C-Ko: It's the Ultimate Bubble! complete with changing rainbow patterns of light that danced across its surface. It hung motionless in space, blotting out the stars behind it. "Ooooh!" Sasami gushed. "It's so beautiful! What is it?" *Tom: This is a blue screen. Look at the X and act like it's cool. "It appears to be some sort of tear in the local space-time continuum." Yokinojo reported. "I don't detect any dangerous radiation emissions. All temporal and subspace readings outside the anomaly are normal." *Mike:Ah, it's a normal anomaly *C-Ko: Nani? Trying unsuccessfully trying to stifle a yawn, Mihoshi nodded and muttered "That means it's not dangerous, right?" "Not directly, no. But regulation 167 sub-section 9 sub- paragraph J states that any space-time anomalies should be reported to Galaxy Police Headquarters immediately. Just in case." *Crow (Yokinojo): Regulation 129 section 7 paragraph M requires all plot contrievences receive immediate attention. Mihoshi waved absently. "We have plenty of time to file a report with Headquarters." She smiled at Sasami and Ryo-Ohki. "Let's enjoy the view for a bit longer." *Crow: A scenic view of Uranus! *Tom (disgusted): Aw geez... "But Mihoshi!" Yukinojo protested. "Regulations state-" "Oh, alright!" Mihoshi groaned, climbing to her feet. As she did so, her control cube popped free and fell to the floor. "Oh no!" *C-Ko (Mihoshi) My Rubik's cube! Mihoshi cried, diving down to retrieve the lost device, bumping several controls in the process. "Mihoshi!" Yukinojo cried. "What are you doing?" *Mike (Yujinojo): You realize you're the Gilligan of the Galaxy Police, don't you? "What do you mean?" she asked, peering over the control panel. The distinct rumble of the engines powering up filled the cabin. "You activated the main drive! We're diving into the anomaly!" *All: D'Oh! *C-Ko: All hands! Yellow Alert! *Mike & Bots:What!? *C-Ko: Sorry, guys, reflex action. *Tom: Oh that's just...huh? --- Washu frowned as data scrolled across her screen. *Crow (Washu): Royals lose 12th straight...damn pitching! Someone, or something, was actively attempting to block her scans of the warp. Pausing to crack her knuckles, Washu chuckled. "So, you think you can keep the Greatest Mind in the Universe from learning your secrets? Guess again!" *Mike (Washu): I figured out Windows 95, I can unlock this! She hadn't even begun her assault when a second alarm went off. Calling up another screen, she saw a Galaxy Police cruiser heading straight for the warp. Having repaired that exact same cruiser several times, she knew immediately whose ship it was. "What in the world is that bubblehead up to? *Crow: Doing a concert at the Bottleneck? *Tom: I thought it was Bubble*boys*. *Crow: Dishwahing liquid! *Tom: Grunge band from Lawrence! She's going to-" The cruiser touched the event horizon of the warp, and there was a sudden flash of brilliant white light. When the light faded, both the warp and Mihoshi's ship were gone. *C-Ko (Washu): She's gone! YAHOOOOooo! "Not good." Washu muttered to herself, calling up several scanning programs. "Definitely not good." --- "Captain's Log : Stardate 26594.92. *Mike: Oh dear... *Tom: Here it comes. *Crow: Brace for impact. We've successfully repaired the Gojius Deep Space Relay station and are en route to StarBase 221. We'll be passing close to the Neutrol Zone, but despite recent Romulan activity along the border *C-Ko: Death to the infedels, heh, heh... *Mike: Aaa...(C-Ko quickly turns to Mike) nevermind. I don't expect there to be any problems. The whole crew is looking forward to some much-deserved shore leave." *Tom: We hear that Graviton City is nice this time of year... *C-Ko: Home... Sitting comfortably in the command chair, *All (British): The *Comfy* Chair! Captain Jean-Luc Picard closed the log and gazed idly at the starfield displayed on the main screen. "Mr. Data, how long until we reach StarBase 221?" The golden-skinned android turned slightly. "At our present speed of Warp 6, 36 hours, 15 minutes, 41 seconds." *Crow (Data): Or the next commercial break, whichever comes first. "It won't be a minute too soon, either." Riker commented from his seat next to the Captain. "I'm looking forward to some free time. *Mike (Riker): Got this hot little thing waiting at Risa... Repair work tends to be monotonous in the extreme." "It's all part of the job, Commander." Picard noted. "When you get your own command you'll have more than enough of these 'monotonous jobs' to keep you busy." *C-Ko: Yes, speaking of monotonous, may I be excused, Mike? I have a some snacks to make. I'll be back in a second. *Mike: Umm, sure! Be my guest. *C-Ko: Thank you (strolls off to the right.) "Not if I have anything to say about it." Riker snorted. He was about to say more, but a beeping tone sounded behind him. *Tom: The Federation-issue machine that goes ping. *Mike: She has been acting odd hasn't she? "Captain," Lieutenant Worf reported, "Sensors have detected a locallized disturbance of the time-space continuum, bearing 196 mark 41." *Crow (Picard): Oh, the usual. "In the Neutral Zone." Riker noted. "Just our luck." Picard rose to his feet. "Commander Data, can you pinpoint the source of that disturbance?" *Tom: The calls are coming from...your pants! *Mike: WHOA! "Working, sir." Data replied, hands dancing across his control panel. "Sensors indicate that the disturbance originated in the Hrakkin system. There are no indications of any further dis- turbances." "Any habitable planets?" Picard enquired. *Crow (Picard): Any descent shops around here? "No sir." Data turned to face the Captain. "Hrakkin itself is a red dwarf star. There are no class M planets in the system. Also no known Romulan outposts or stations." "Could have been a Romulan experiment of some kind." Riker commented. "Perhaps an accident?" *Mike: Could be just a random energy formation... *All: Nah! "Possibly." Picard agreed, thinking. "If so, we should check for survivors. And if it *was* an experiment inside the Neutral Zone, then we should check that out as well." Riker allowed a slight smile to cross his features. "Yes, sir." Picard returned to his seat. "Full Stop. Mister Worf, prepare a Class 4 probe. *Tom: (shocked) NO! *Crow: That's rather personal, don't you think!?! Send it to the Hrakkin system. Let's see what's going on there." "Yes, sir." Worf replied. "Full stop, sir." Data reported. *Mike (Picard): I know, I was the one who ordered it. "So much for our shore leave." Riker muttered. --- "Mihoshi? Mihoshi, are you functional?" The wild ride had tossed her into the recreation room. *Tom: (Mihoshi) Oh wow, you were there, and you, and you too! Limping slightly, she stumbled back into the control room. "Wha- What h-happened, Yukinojo?" she stammered. "We've passed through a rip in the space-time continuum. *Crow: Hope you know your needlepoint. I can't determine our current position, nor can I access the Galaxy Police Time-net system. In short, I can't determine where - or when - we are." "You mean we're lost?" Mihoshi whimpered, tears beginning to form in her eyes. *Mike: Oh *no* she's going to sing! Sasami's giggle made Mihoshi start. "Sasami! Sasami, where are you?" "Over here." the girl replied from near a window. "Come look at the view, Mihoshi! It's pretty!" *Tom: It's full of...stars... "Mrrow!" Mihoshi stumbled over to her. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" "Of course not." Sasami answered her. *Mike: Some of us actually wear seatbelts. *Tom (MiB Kay): Miss Mihoshi you really *should* learn to relax and enjoy your work. "That was a fun ride. Do you have that much fun all the time?" "Fun? N-no, not all the time, no." Mihoshi stared out the window at the barren planet that was hanging there, and the dim red sun beyond. "Oh, dear." Sasami concluded that Mihoshi found the sight beautiful as well. After all, it had brought her to tears. ---------------------------------------------------------- *Tom: SkyCopter 1 reporting, still not much traffic out here... That's the end of Chapter 2. Whatcha think? *Mike: It's...almost bearable. Derek Subject: [FFML] [fanfic] The Mihoshi Incident, Chapter 3 Sent: 8/26/96 9:58 AM Received: 8/26/96 4:49 PM From: Derek Sherman, doppleganger@usa.pipeline.com Reply-To: Fanfic ML, fanfic@fanfic.com To: Fanfic ML, fanfic@fanfic.com First off, I'd like to thank everyone who's written me with words of support and items of criticism. All are greatly appreciated! Now heeeeeeeere's Mihoshi and co.! *Crow: Good, we'll leave then... ******** *Tom: Drat, snowed in. Chapter 3 - Do We Panic Now? *Mike: We're way ahead of you! "Captain," Lt. Worf reported. "The probe has entered the Hrakkin system. All sensors functional." "Good." Picard said. "Now let's see what's going on. Data, any sign of Romulan ships or installations?" "Negative, sir." *C-Ko: Bother! I never get to have any fun! (C-Ko enters slurping a drink) *Mike: That looks pretty tasty, what is it? *C-Ko: A strawberry shake. Want some? *Mike: Err...no thanks. *C-Ko: Data cocked his head slightly to one side. "However, I am detecting minor energy emmissions from an object in orbit around Hrakkin 2." "What sort of emmissions?" Riker asked, stepping up beside the Captain. *Crow: Stinky? *Tom: Green? *Mike: Wacky? Data's hands went to work. "Low-energy plasma. *All: Oh. The rate of emmission is varying sporadically, and is consistent with the uncontrolled lost of previously contained material." Riker suppressed a smile. "It sprang a leak, *Crow (Data): It wet em. *C-Ko: Break out the Extra-*extra* absorbant Pampers whatever 'it' is." "Yes, sir." Data replied, turning slightly to favor Riker with a look. "That is what I said." He turned back to the control panel. "There is also a minor neutrino field in evidence around the object." *Tom (Data): Hey, I can see myself on this display, neat! "Is the probe close enough to give us a visual on the object?" Picard inquired. "Yes, sir." "Let's take a look at it. On screen." --- *Mike (Picard): Is that all!?! Sheesh! *Tom: It's the mark of the Dash *Crow: Dash Rendar: Han Solo clone. Yukinojo bobbed in agitation. "Mihoshi, I have completed the system diagnostics." There was no reply. "Mihoshi? Mihoshi!" Mihoshi's muffled voice came from under the command console. "So *that's* where that book went! *C-Ko: "Your First Time/Space Flux...chapter 1..." I always wondered what-" "MIHOSHI!" "Mmm?" Her head popped up. "What is it, Yukinojo?" *Tom: She's achived full Amy Jo Johnson mode. *Crow: I like Amy Jo! *Mike: "Kimberly the Pink Ranger"!? you like... *Crow: Well...yeah, dammit, I do! *Tom: Feh! "I said that I have completed the system diagnostics." the computer replied. "I have prepared a list of damaged systems." *C-Ko: (Yukinojo) And put them to song. Let me know what you think. "Oh, okay." She climbed out from under the console, a dog-eared 'Solarian Romance' novel clutched protectively to her breast. "What kind of damage?" Several screens popped up, showing various parts of the ship in green. Angry red highlights dotted the schematics. *Mike: Equal rights for schematics! "As you can see," Yukinojo explained, "we have suffered damage to the primary sensor net, the communications relay, and the weapon systems." *Tom(Yukinojo): And the coffee machines are down. *Mike(Mihoshi): Oh, God, no! He paused as the various screens zoomed in on the damaged areas. "We have also suffered severe damage to the drive systems." "Can they be repaired?" Mihoshi asked quietly, flipping through the novel. *Crow (Yukinojo): Well this would be a very short story if we couldn't now wouldn't it? Yukinojo nodded once. "The sensor, communications, and weapon systems can be easily repaired. However," One screen grew in size and zeroed in on the back half of the ship *Mike: "My other ship is a Star Fury." Hmm? *C-Ko: Infedel! *Tom: Whoa! Whaa? *C-Ko: Sorry, got a little excited there... "The drive system has suffered extensive damage to both the reaction chamber and magnetic bottling systems. Neither can be repaired by the on-board damage control units." *Crow: There on a Nanite union strike. Sasami, who had been listening from the back room, entered the cockpit, her eyes wide. "You mean we're stranded?" *Mike: But what about the furball? Ryo-Ohki's eyes glistened. "Meow?" "Unfortunately, yes." Yukinojo admitted. "The drive systems require materials not available to me at this time." Mihoshi looked up from her book and uttered a small sob. "Stranded?" "Meow! MRROW!" Ryo-Ohki leapt from Sasami's head and danced around her feet. *Crow (Ryo-Ohki): What about me? the cutest spaceship in the Anime-verse! "What about Ryo-Ohki?" Sasami asked, picking the cabbit up and holding her close. "She can turn into a spaceship." "While my programming strongly rejects the idea of relying on a known criminal starship for assistance, *Tom: (sarcastic) Oh *does* it? *C-Ko: It looks like Cambot's obnoxious cousin. that may be our only choice." Yukinojo acknowledged. "Stranded?" Mihoshi muttered again, tears beginning to flow. "There is one other problem." the ship's computer added. "I do not believe we are in our home dimension any longer. The space- time rip we passed through was powerful enough to catapult us into any number of alternate dimensions." *Mike: Cool, huh? A screen appeared, data flowing across it faster than Sasami could read. "Data gathered by the sensors before the main array was damaged definitely indicates that we passed through at least 14 distinct dimensions before coming to a stop here." *Tom: And were going to visit every last one of them. *Crow: So we can thouroughly bore the readers. "Oh my God! We're stranded!!" Mihoshi cried, falling backwards into her seat. "We'll never get back!" --- "It's not Romulan, then." Riker noted. *C-Ko: Hell, it's unknown, so it must be hostile, prepare phasers! *Tom: You're enjoying this a hair too much, C-Ko. Data nodded. "Indeed. This craft does not match any known Romulan design scheme, past or present. *Mike: Again with the Romulans! Would it be too much of a stretch to believe it might by a freelance or someone in distress? Golly! Further, it does not match any known design for any of the races encountered by the Federation up to this time." Picard half-turned as the turbo-lift doors swished open and Councillor Troi stepped onto the bridge. "Ah, Councillor. *Crow (Picard): You are a woman of many talents. Bend over this... Mrrrph! Mph! Mubb-rph! *Mike: I am *never* letting you into a ST chatroom again! We seem to have a quandry on our hands." He turned back to Data. "Any life signs?" "The probe's sensors indicate three possible life forms on the craft. Two are confirmed as humanoid life forms." "And the third?" Troi asked, joining the group that had gathered around Data's console. *C-Ko (Data): Umm, pudding. Tapioca, perhaps. "Inconclusive." Data replied. "The data indicates that the third could be a silicon-based life form. The probe's sensors are too limited to make a positive identification." "Silicon-based?" Picard exclaimed. "This is getting more interesting every minute." He motioned to Riker and Troi, and the three of them returned to their seats. "Opinions?" "I think we should offer our assistance to that vessel." Troi responded. "They're definitely in distress." "And enter the Neutral Zone, in violation of treaty?" Riker pointed out. *Tom: Like that's ever stopped them before! "Doing so would be viewed as a provocation by the Romulans." Picard nodded. "Indeed. But we do have a duty to render assistance to any ship that's in distress." "It could be a Romulan trap." Riker added. *C-Ko: Let's blast it out of the sky just to make sure, shall we? *Crow: She's been acting real odd sense we passed through that gas storm. *Mike: You just *now* noticed? *Crow: I didn't want to say anything... "It would be just like them to try and lure us in with a distress call." "Commander." *Tom (Data): Shut up. Data commented, "The probe's sensors indicate that damage to the vessel's systems has rendered their communications inoperative." He turned to look at Riker. "Their primary drive and weapons as well." *Mike (Data): So there. Nyah! "Hard to send a distress call when your communications are out of order." Troi commented, smiling at Riker, who shook his head and smiled back. *Crow (Riker): Got me there, sweetcheeks! "Very true." Picard agreed, rubbing his chin. "Mr. Data, set a course for the Hrakkin system. Warp factor 6." "Captain?" Mr. Worf growled from his position. "Yellow alert, Mr. Worf." *Tom (Picard): Down boy, we can shoot something later. Picard said. "Just in case." "Course set, sir." "Engage." --- "Mihoshi, calm down!" Sasami pleaded. "There's no use in getting all upset if there's still a chance for us to get home." Tears cascading down her cheeks, Mihoshi's worbs *Crow: The tears drowned the spell checker, apparently. came out more like sobs. "But , Yukinojo said that we were trapped in another dimension! " "Actually, Mihoshi." Yukinojo pointed out. "All I said was that it was extremely likely that we were not in our home dimension any longer. *Tom (sarcastic): Oh that's so much better! *Mike: Well that cube thingy might still help. There is a .52 percent chance that we returned to our home dimension before the effects of the space-time rip faded." *Crow: Course I *could* be the Ambassador to Russia... "See?" Sasami said. Ryo-Ohki bobbed in agreement. "Meow!" Blinking away her tears, Mihoshi sniffed. "Really? Is that true, Yukinojo?" *Mike: Well, no. * *Crow: What the hell was that!? "I am not programmed to lie, Mihoshi." A beeping tone sounded in the cockpit, and Mihoshi leapt out of her seat with a scream. "What is it now!?" *Tom: Jumpy, isn't sh-- "The damage control system has succeeded in repairing the sensor grid, Mihoshi." Yukinojo replied. "I am conducting a sweep of the system in an attempt to determine our location." "Oh." Mihoshi sighed, turning to Sasami. "You were absolutely right, Sasami. Thank you." "Meow!" * *Tom: Ummm...when did we get those? *Mike: I do not like the sound of this! *The all scramble off screen "And thank you too, Ryo-Ohki." Mihoshi giggled, patting the cabbit softly on the head. "Mihoshi!" Yukinojo called. "An unidentified starship is approaching us!" ---------------------------------------------------- And that's the end of chapter 3. C&C is always welcome. Derek (No exit sequence, cut to...) SOL corrider. Mike & the bots scamble to the cockpit. Lasers are sounding outside. They pause to look out a window. The SOL is firing at a small but fast craft on wires (insert cheap laser light effects here) Crow: Wow! A space battle, groovy! Mike: The SOL isn't even supposed to have those! How...(The craft blows up in a fiery burst) Oh dear. (Gypsy runs yelling from the cockpit & collides with Mike) Gypsy (Frantic): Oooooo! Tom: Gypsy! Calm down, what is it? Gypsy: C-Ko stormed in here an started adjusting the panels and controls. Then she started ordering me around and *not* being very nice! Mike: That's it! I'm getting to the bottom of this! (He marches into the cockpit area) (Cockpit. Cambot faces the back of what appears a makeshift Captain's chair.) C-Ko: A emergency transporter activated just before I hit, damn. Mike: Look C-Ko, I'm not sure what has gotten into you but we need a *long* talk! C-Ko: Ah Mike, just who I wanted to see... (a sleeved arm places an empty glass in a holder. The chair swivels to reveal C-Ko, wearing a red & black Starfleet officer uniform, Mike takes a few steps in horror ) There are going to be a few changes around here. Tom (enters): So, Mike, what's the--(Notices C-Ko) Oh my *GOD!* Crow (enters): What is it, Tom? (looks up, jaw begins quivering). She's...Oh no! C-Ko: Oh come now, guys, once I've reassembled my crew, we'll have all kinds of fun. But first (C-Ko lifts up the E-Z Bot Repair book, and grins evilly) let's discuss reprogramming. Bots (Hide behind Mike, trembling) OhmygodohmyGod... Mike: Listen, C-Ko, If we can just--- C-Ko: *SILENCE, ADULT!* (Electricity shoots from the panels beneath Mike & the bots, He collapses to one knee) C-Ko was too soft, too passive. She lacked the confidence that I was *more* than eager to give her. (Smiles wickedly) But I'm being rude, we must welcome our new guest. Bold Female Voice: Unliscened Craft in the Earth sector, Opening fire in a peaceful terriroty *on a Galaxy Police Vessel* and abducting a GP Detective! You have a *lot* to answer for, missy! (From the corridor steps a black haired woman, wearing a headband & a Galaxy Police uniform, she's aiming her laser pistol at Dark C-Ko. She looks upon Kiyone and frowns, and pushes a button on her chair. Suddenly coils wrap around Kiyone's ankles and forearms and stretch her out) Dark C-Ko: Detective Makibi, I suggest you calm down. I really don't want to break out the robotic tentacles (snickers). Tom, Crow, escort our guest to the brig. Tom: But we don't have a... Dark C-Ko: Then make up something, you stupid bot! (sighs) It's so hard to find good help. And that's "Captain" to you (smiles to the bots) Crow: We're sorry about this, ma'am Kiyone (grumbles): Abducted by a meglomaniac teen, of all the... Dark C-Ko (notices Mike trying to make his way out): Oh, and Mike, *darling*... Mike: Oh *geez!* Dark C-Ko: I have a special treat for you, honey. (With her fore finger, makes a little circle on Mike's chest, clearly creeping him out. She stops when she notices the Mad light.) Deep 13 Doc F: Gyah! What happened to you C-Ko! You're dressed up like...oh poopie. Dark C-Ko: That's right, Doc! I'm in charge of her now, and this ship is mine, too! Make no mistake, Doctor Forrester, for your blasphemous treatment of my epic ventures, *you*, mon ami, are my first target! See ya in the funny pages! BWAH HAHAHAHA!!! Display blips out) Frank: Oh dear... Doc F (In a rare noble posture): This calls for immediate action! Quick! Call Hikaru at Daitokuji Corporation. He's had problems with her before! Frank (scrambling for the phone): But not like this. Doc F (frantic, skimming through blueprints): Just get him! (looks up to the camera) And turn this damn thing off! Frank: Gatcha, man! *BLIP* Fwooooosh... Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Once again, thanks to FFML, who original carried a MSTing-style critique of this fan-fic, It looked so goofy I did my own take on it. *Thanks to Megane 6.7 for his continued support of my site, as well as his imput on my MSTing. *Special thanks to Stephen Ratliff (yup, that guy) for being a good sport about being Primary MSTing target #1. He also created the infamous "Ratliff Gas" that I have infected poor C-Ko with. I hope he enjoyed the demented Sailor Marissa picture I drew. It's in the shrine, check it out! "Sasami, strap yourself into a chair and hang on! I've got some Police work to do!" "All right!" Sasami squealed in delight. "Finally we get to see some action! Ready, Ryo-Ohki?" Mihoshi Incident Part 2 BY: Derek Sherman MSTIED BY: Timothy McLees & Jamie Jeans JAMIE JEANS: This was one of the funniest fanfics I had ever MSTied. It was also fun to work with Timothy Mclees on this. TIMOTHY MCLEES: Well, I was finally able to get back to this story. My little thing for my site's 1st year anniversery. It was a really fun fan- fic and I appreciated Jamie's help, especially with tweaking the host segments. LEGAL STUFF: All characters and concepts of Mystery Science Theater 3000 belongs to Best Brains Inc. All characters of Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer Inc. This fanfic belongs to Derek Sherman. Now, on to the story!!! ________________________________________________________________________ On the bridge of the Satellite of Love, frost covered the openings of several vents while a strong cold wind blew through the air. Shivering as he came onto the bridge, Mike Nelson surveyed the vents and rubbed his hands together to keep them warm. Decked out in winterwear, he was doing his best not to freeze. A few minutes later, Tom and Crow came onto the bridge, dressed up for a day at the beach. Both were decked out in tank tops and shorts, but Crow had suntan lotion on his beak while Tom was wearing a pair of black sunglasses. "Have you guys noticed how cold it is," Mike asked. "Damn you, El Nino! Damn you to *HELL!*" Crow shouted in his best Charleton Heston voice. "It is not El Nino, Crow. The heating is just down, silly," Tom said. "Oh yeah. But Kiyone programmed a little treat in the Holocabana. Let's go guys!" "I hope it's warm in there," Mike said. Mike and the bots went to the Holocabana, stepping from the frigid interior of the satellite to that of the hologram room. All stopped and stared at the beautiful tropical resort set out before them, taking in the scenery. The day was lovely and sunny, casting its warmth down upon their heads. Some where off in the distance, a dog could be heard barking, several young men were playing frisbee, and there was several lovely sunbathing ladies. Among them was Kiyone, in a blue & white one piece swimsuit, shades and a sun hat. Mike & the bots passed by a wooden sign with the words "Costa Del Sol" painted in dark blue paint. Mike, quickly took his woolly coat off, revealing a Minnesota Twins tank top and Hawaiian trunks. Mike & Tom trotted over to Kiyone while Crow wandered about, distracted by all the women sunbathing. Sitting up, Kiyone noticed their approach and waved them over. "Yoo hoo, guys, over here!" "So, what do you think?" she asked as soon as they had come beside her. "Sweet program, Kiyone! Beautiful weather and lovely...ummm...scenery! Yeah...," Tom commented. "Oh *WOW*," Crow said as he continued to wander about, his gaze elsewhere. "Well, Crow seems to like it," Mike said. "This is going to be a blast! Do a little surfing, some volleyball. Say, Kiyone? You want something to drink? Brought my mini-cooler with me." Kiyone smiled coyly. "Oh, no need to bother, Mike, my "companion" is fetching some drinks for me." "*Well!* A simulated hunk, huh? I didn't think you were into that," Tom said. Kiyone merely shrugged. "I'm betting he's quite the gentleman." "Oh yeah. Wait, here he comes now," Kiyone said upon seeing her companion. "Well, I can't wait to meet this..." Mike said. "Your margarita, milady," Kiyone's companion said, handing the detective her drink. "Why, thank you!" Mike & Tom were frozen with shock as soon as they had been able to make out the gentleman. Standing roughly at about Mike's height, he had a muscular build, which was beginning to tan, and wore only black swimming trunks. Crow, tired, for the moment, of looking at the various women in bikinis, turned to look at Kiyone's companion and keeled over as soon as he did. With his past-waist lenght white hair swishing slightly behind him, the gentle man looked over Mike and the bots with his green, slightly simmering, eyes. Mike could only stutter the man's name while Tom muttered incoherently. "Is there a problem?" the gentleman asked. Finally getting past the surprise, Tom told the holocabana to pause the program. The gentleman, and every other ongoing activity on the beach, froze. "SEPHIROTH!?!" Mike was finally able to say, voice full of shock and disbelief. "Kiyone, you chose one of the most twisted villains in video game history as your Mystery Date!?!" Kiyone stood up and placed a hand on the frozen hunk's chest. "Relax Mike! I did some personality tweaks, and he's just a lovable tiger..." She smiled. "Still, that is just too creepy!" Tom said. Laying on the ground, Crow shouted, "Send in Bahamut Zero!" Mike sighed. "Great, now Crow's in shock." Kiyone shrugged. "Sorry, guys. I guess I'm just a sucker for green eyes." The light from the Sun suddenly turned a bright red, tinting everything a light crimson. "Great! And now that damn asteroid's going to crash in," Tom said. "No it isn't," Mike said. "It's just the lighting program. Grandis Granva's calling." "Magic Voice, save and end program," Kiyone commanded. "Righty-o," replied Magic Voice. The beach and people dissolved to reveal the balsa framework of the Holocabana Kiyone sighed and pulled on a robe. "What is it now, B-Ko?" DEEP 13 B-Ko, garbed in a white lab coat, smirked into the camera. "Oh-ho-ho! I've found a little treat you will be, *particularly* interested, Kiyone," B-ko started. "It involves your companions mis-adventures in the Star Trek: Next Generation universe. I found it hiding within Forrester's old files. Enjoy, the second half of "The Mihoshi Incident"! Oh-ho-ho-ho!" SATELLITE OF LOVE Kiyone facefaulted at the news. "Someone let Mihoshi loose in *STAR TREK!?!*" "Brace yourself, Kiyone," Mike warned. "WE HAVE MIHOSHI SIGN!" The bots cheered as they all rushed out of the Holocanbana and made their way to the theater. (DOOR SEQUENCE) 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... KIYONE: Man, I can only imagine the trouble she's gotten into while I've been gone... >Chapter 4 - Take Me to Your Leader TOM : Do not run away. We are your friends. (laser fire) CROW: Aaaiiiieee... > Troi thought for a moment. "There are three distinct personalities >present on that ship. One is quite calm, almost amused, and very >curious. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was the mind of a >child. MIKE: Oh, Alicia Silverstone! KIYONE: As if! CROW: Anything else? TOM: Geez, give me a break! I'm only guessing here! > The second is on the verge of - no, beyond the verge of panic. >I'm having a hard time picking up distinct emotional impressions from >that one." KIYONE: Stupid Kenwood receiver! I knew I should have bought the Pioneer one! TOM: Shameless product plug # 1. > "I'd probably be on the verge of panic myself if I was in their >position." Riker observed. MIKE: And I don't mind saying: I'd wet em! > > "An hour! We have to wait an hour before we can talk to them!? >Is that what you're telling me?" CROW: Nooo... He's telling you that all the coffee machines are out. TOM: Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee... KIYONE: Kiss up. >Mihoshi looked at Yukinoko's >articulated "head" with tear-filled eyes. "What'll we do?" CROW : *I* can think of a few things! Wink, wink, nudge, nudge... MIKE: Uh... No. > "Mihoshi?" Sasami asked, but the distraught woman wasn't >paying any attention to her. "Mihoshi?" KIYONE: We are sorry. All lines are busy at this time. Please try again later. > "Meow?" TOM: Excuse me? MIKE: I think that's just Ryo-oh-ki. TOM: I should hope so! > > Sighing softly, Sasami looked down at her feet and was silent >for a moment. CROW: Maybe I should push her out the airlock now. >When she looked back up, her eyes were glistening >with tears. "Mihoshi?" she said softly, her voice quavering, >"I'm scared." > Mihoshi's eyes flicked over the the young girl who was gazing >up at her pleadingly. Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes >and glanced at the display, where the unidentified ship was >hanging motionless. "No need to be afraid, Sasami." MIKE: Underdog is here! ALL : Underdog!!! dun-dun-dun-UNDERDOG!!! > she said >softly. Then, louder, "I am a member of the Galaxy Police. We're >trained to handle any situation with professionalism and calm!" KIYONE: Oh, you're one to talk, Mihoshi! MIKE: She handles any situation as calmly as a person would handle a math problem after having four bottles of Jolt at three in the morning. TOM: Now where did *that* come from? >She began to smile. "There's nothing to fear! Nothing at all!" CROW : I AM A JUSTICE SANDWICH! > A slight smile flashed across Sasami's features. "Really?" MIKE : Well, no. > As the transporter field faded, they got their first look at >the unidentified ship's crew. KIYONE: Hell of a jump cut. TOM: And jump! Might as well jump! > >--- MIKE: ... --- TOM: What was that? MIKE: Just completing the signal for SOS. > >Mihoshi abruptly realized that she was no longer in her closet. CROW: And that she was nude! KIYONE: CROW!!! >A second later she realized that there was a crowd of strangers >staring at her. Or, more correctly, trying to avoid staring at >her. "W- w- what's g-going on?" TOM: Here's the wind up... > There was a tug on her pant leg. Sasami whispered "Mihoshi! >You're top's not on!" MIKE: And the pitch!!! CROW: Ah-HA! I was right. Courtesy breasts, thank you! TOM: Ooooo... KIYONE: Now that's just gratuitous! > "What?" Looking down, she realized that Sasami was right. TOM : Hmmm... I got tan lines. >Then >she remembered - she had been rooting through a pile of clothes, >looking for a clean vest and shirt after taking off her tear-soaked >ones... after taking off... "AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!" KIYONE : Oh, Mihoshi! Can't take my eyes off of you for two seconds. MIKE : That's our Mihoshi! > Sasami jumped off of the transporter pad to get clear of >Mihoshi's flailing arms. "Hello." CROW : I'm always friendly to complete strangers! TOM: Actually, that's completely in sync with her character. > From her position on Sasami's head, Ryo-Ohki blinked. "Meow." > Riker cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Hello. Sorry for >bringing you here on such short notice..." He glanced at the >transporter pad. KIYONE: Geez Riker! You need a girlfriend, bad! MIKE: Bet ya Troi is coming up behind her with a mallet in her hands. TOM: That would be Akane. CROW: But this is a crossover with anime. > Mihoshi was a blur of motion as she attempted to both cover >herself and pull on the vest she was holding. "Oh my! Oh my! This >is sooooo embarassing! Oh, God, why doesn't this fit? Oh, my!" KIYONE: Oh man... TOM : Please excuse my friend here. She drinks a lot of Jolt. CROW: JOLT!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!!! MIKE: Here we go again. >Averting his eyes, Riker continued, KIYONE : Ahem, yes, well then... MIKE : Excuse me a moment while I get the camera. > "... but we had no other >way to contact you." He straightened. TOM: Well you could have waited until communications was back up, dickweed! KIYONE: Why, you little sexual deviant! You were planning on this all along, weren't you? > "I'm Commander William Riker, CROW: Master of Darkness! TOM: Blue Thunder of Furikan High School! KIYONE: Emerald Champion of Rokugan! MIKE : Lord of the Dance! KIYONE : Oh gods, no! > >and you're aboard the Federation starship Enterprise." CROW: The Looovvvvvveeeeeeee Boat!!! > "Pleased to meet you." Sasami gushed, thrusting out a hand. "My >name is Sasami." > Riker took her hand in his and shook it. "Sasami, is it?" TOM: So her name's Sasami, then? KIYONE: I guess so. MIKE: Naw! It's Pixy Misa, of course my name is Sasami! > Before Sasami could reply, Mihoshi's wild gyrations brought her to >the edge of the transporter pad. Her foot slipped over the edge, and >she yelped a piercing "YAAIIEE!" as she lost her balance and tumbled >off the pad. CROW : She flies through the air with the greatest of ease, the world's one and only, the flying trapez! > "Look out!" Riker yelled, CROW: She's gonna blow! MIKE: CROW! CROW: As in *explode*, Mike. My mind's not always in the gutter! Hmph! > grabbing Sasami and dodging to one side. > Mihoshi tumbled past them, shrieking all the way, and crashed into >a startled Worf and his two security men in a blur of arms and legs. TOM: And she picks up the spare! KIYONE: Spare? Looked like a strike to me! >From somewhere within the pile, a female voice muttered a single word. >"Ouch." KIYONE : Worf, on behalf of the Galaxy Police, I apologize for this. MIKE: Poor Worf! CROW: Poor Worf?! I highly doubt that! > Riker jumped to his feet and ran over to the tangle of bodies. >"Worf!" > The two security men climbed to their feet, revealing the Klingon >beneath, Mihoshi (still shirt-less) lying on top of him. He spat out >a lock of blonde hair and grimmaced. "I'm here, Commander." TOM : Day's looking brighter already! MIKE: Good heavens, no! What would Dax think!?! CROW: And they haven't even meet yet! This could cause a paradox! KIYONE: Oh, like they haven't dealt with those before! > "Are you alright, Lieutenant?" Doctor Crusher inquired, leaning over >him with a tricorder. CROW: Oh boy! Worf's getting everyone today! > "I will be, Doctor," Worf barked angrily, "as soon as you get this... >this 'person' off of me!" TOM: Didn't she say who she was yet? > "Miss Mihoshi?" Riker asked, touching her softly on the shoulder. > "Mmmm?" Mihoshi mumbled, raising her head up and looking around the >room. "What happened?" Then she glanced down into a the face of an >extremely irritated Lieutenant Worf and her face went pale. "Eeep." MIKE : Is she really this big of a ditz? KIYONE: 'Fraid so, Mike. CROW: Which means that this fanfic is keeping the characters *in* character! TOM: Now there's a first! > "Mihoshi!" Sasami said, pulling on one of Mihoshi's arms. "Mihoshi, >get up!" KIYONE : You are embarassing me, *young lady!* > She looked at Sasami, then back down at Worf. "What? OH! Oh, yes. >I- I'm sorry, so very sorry." She climbed unsteadily to her feet. TOM : Hmmm... Needs new shocks. Old ones are shot to hell. > "Mihoshi." Sasami said simply, holding out her shirt and vest. > Looking down, her face went chalk-white. Mihoshi snatched the >clothing from Sasami's hands and clamped it to her breast. "Oh, this >is so embarrassing." > Picard let his eyes wander across the command officers seated before >him. KIYONE: So he changed scenes, then? CROW: Should he be allowing his eyes to walk around free like that? > He allowed each of them time to collect their thoughts before >speaking. MIKE: Going to have to give Troi a few more minutes. TOM: Ouch. >"So what do we know about our guests?" CROW: Absolutely nothing!!! > Geordi LaForge spoke first. "Well, Captain, we've thoroughly >scanned their ship. There doesn't seem to be any major structural >damage, and their on-board systems can repair most of the sub-systems >that *were* damaged." > "Most of them?" Riker asked. > "Yes, sir." Geordi rose TOM: Rise on my command! Ohhmmm... CROW: That's sick and obscure, Tom. > and walked over to the wall display. He >called up a schematic of the ship's drive systems. MIKE: Unfortunately, they weren't home at the moment so they had to leave a message. >"Their engine >system were badly damaged. The materials used in the construction >of their drive system are rather unique." CROW : It's composed of...Fruit Loops. Can't really explain it. KIYONE: Aww man! Not again! > "Can't we simply replicate the required materials?" Picard asked. TOM: Well if they could do that, then the fanfic would end way too soon. > "Doubtful, sir." Data answered. "Our scans of the ship also >revealed that it has undergone a quantum shift, resulting in the >ship's materials being out of phase with our own. It would be >extremely difficult to replicate materials with the same phasic >shift, and utilizing materials without the shift could have >catastrophic results." MIKE : Stuff would happen, it would be bad. KIYONE: Her ship has a severe case of technobabble, then? TOM: See? I told ya! > "So they're not of this dimension?" Worf grumbled. "That would explain >many things." CROW : A dimension not of sight but of the mind... MIKE: Mihoshi has a mind? KIYONE: Okay, now that was a little harsh, wasn't it? > "Still sore, Lieutenant?" Riker dead-panned. He turned to Councillor >Troi. "Deanna, have you sensed anything more from them?" > "Possibly, sir." Geordi answered. TOM: The hell? MIKE : Oh, do *you* have mental powers too, Geordi? Crow: Okay, if I see Geordi wearing one of those big swarmy hats, then I'm leaving! > "The ship is enveloped in a >reversed neutrino field, which would weaken the beam considerably. We'd >need to re-configure the tractor beam emitters to counter the effects >of the field, TOM: I counter the tractor beam with Intense Cheese (tm) MIKE: Well, in response, I attack with my Rabid Totoro enchanted with Sarcasm! CROW: Fanboys! KIYONE: Must... not... pass... out from... technobabble... > and to account for the phasic shift." > "How long?" Picard asked. > "An hour, maybe more." KIYONE: That long for a pizza? Next time, I'm ordering from somewhere else! > Riker smiled. "Hard to describe, sir." TOM: Gods! Y'Know, generic scene breaks are starting to look really good right now. > He looked at Worf. "A ditzy >blonde, MIKE: And here I thought they didn't have name calling in the future. >a young girl, and a small fuzzy animal. Hardly what I would >call a competent crew." > "Agreed." Worf hissed through his teeth. "Especially that.... that >'Policewoman.'" He looked at Picard. "If she is a typical example of >a law enforcement officer, then I would hate to see what the >criminals are like." KIYONE: Hey! Don't judge all of GP upon my partner. Why, back in Io, I was doing patrols and... > Picard nodded slowly. "Perhaps, but it would be premature to judge >an entire culture on the actions of one individual." KIYONE: Thank you! Someone has a little sense here! TOM: Settle down Kiyone... KIYONE: Sorry for ranting, but this is somewhat embarrassing. > He rose to his >feet. "Picard to Crusher." CROW: RISE PICARD! OHHMMMM... > "Crusher here, Captain." There was a muffled crash in the background, >and an unidentified woman shouted "Oh, my!" MIKE: When did Kasumi show up? CROW: Oh, I've seen Ranma/Star Trek fics before. If she does pop up, I'm outta here. TOM: I wouldn't mind seeing Ranma go at it with Worf. > Picard exchanged baffled looks with Riker. "Is everything alright, >Doctor?" MIKE : She's *blonde*, Jim! KIYONE: Cute, Nelson, real cute. CROW : Damn it, Picard, I'm a Galaxy Police Detective, not a doctor! > "Perfectly, Jean-Luc." came the reply. "We've just had a small >accident down here. TOM: She wet em. MIKE: Now that was just bad. CROW: And wet. > Nothing we can't take care of." Another crash. >"I think." KIYONE: That's coming out of *your* pay, Mihoshi. TOM: Uh, Kiyone? They don't have money in that future. KIYONE :You're *kidding?* >Beverly sighed and shook her head slowly. "There's no need to apolgize, >Mihoshi. That med table was old and in need of replacing anyway." MIKE: Kept on saying that all the patients needed was love for some reason. > "Are you sure?" Mihoshi asked, staring at the bits of optical >conduit and electronic components poking out of the med table. "I >mean, all I did was bump into it, and..." CROW: Man, StarFleet must be cutting way back if there equipment falls apart *that* easily! TOM: Uh... Must be made in America! > "I said that it was okay." Beverly said. "Honestly, it is." > "Well, if you say so..." Mihoshi said slowly. KIYONE: So slowly, in fact, that it took her an hour to say those five words. > Turning away from the mess, Beverly motioned to one of the med >techs. "Run a micro-cellular scan on her, please." Almost as an >afterthought, she added, "Be sure to check for abnormal neural >activity, too." > "Yes, ma'am." the tech replied, somewhat nervously. MIKE: Right! One medical scan thingy coming up. TOM : Feh! It's a Game Boy! C'Mon! KIYONE: Shouldn't we be pleased that someone is finally getting around to doing this? > "Nevermind." To Ryo-Ohki she said, "Let's see if I can get you >some carrots." Beverly walked over to the replicator. "Computer, I'd >like three Earth-specific carrots." CROW: Now how specific are those carrots? TOM: Very specific. >There was a brief pause, then >the replicator hummed and MIKE : You've got mail. >three perfectly formed carrots appeared >in the opening. "Ah, here we are, just li-" > In a blur of motion, Ryo-Ohki leapt up to the replicator, grabbed >the carrots, and ran back to her position beside Sasami where she >began munching happily. CROM: Awww, how cute. Kill it. TOM : *Furry* *little* *things!* I hate furry little things! KIYONE: They haven't learned anything with their experience with tribbles, have they? MIKE: Now what is so wrong with tribbles? They're so cuutte!!! CROW: AHH! Where did you get that?! MIKE: Oh this? I found him walking around last night! > "Ah... right. Okay," Beverly flipped the tricorder open, "Let's >start with you then, Ryo-Ohki." Before she could start, TOM: And your bill comes to... KIYONE: Hmm? > however, she >was interrupted by a piercing shriek from the opposite end of sick bay. KIYONE: Hey! You read ahead! TOM: Well I need to do something to make this interesting, this isn't half bad. >"What is it now?" Beverly turned to see the med tech who had been >running the micro-cellular scan on Mihoshi dashing across the room. CROW: Ironically, the readings came out stable and normal. KIYONE: Now that *is* ironic! > Mihoshi had leapt to her feet and was spinning in a flailing >circle. "Oh no! Where is it! I just had it, where could it have >gone?!" CROW: Her bra? KIYONE: CROW!!! >Her voice was increasing in pitch with each revolution. "I >can't have lost it, I just *CAN'T*!" MIKE : ow. Ow. OWIE. *OW!* TOM: She's becoming Mariah Carey. CROW: And here I thought that was Alanis Morissette. > Sasami jumped from the bed. "Mihoshi! What's wrong?" > Beverly positioned herself for a flying tackle, TOM: Here comes a flying clothesline! > then thought better >of it. CROW: Drat! KIYONE: No more pro wrestling for you two. > "Miss Mihoshi! Please *CALM DOWN*!" she shouted. "If you'll >tell us what's wrong, I'm sure we can help you." TOM : I had four bottles of Jolt in a row!! WHEEE!!!! MIKE: Enough with the Jolt jokes already! > "Wrong? What's wrong? *Everything's* wrong!" Mihoshi shrieked. >"First Ryoko blows up the bathroom, then we get stuck in an alternate >dimension, and my chest gets exposed to half the galaxy..." > "There were six people, Mihoshi." Sasami pointed out. CROW: Oh, everything's about *you* isn't it? KIYONE: Hey, Mihoshi isn't *that* whiny, c'mon. > Picard looked around the bridge, thinking. MIKE : I wish Sherman would warn me before he changes the damn scene. CROW: Can I please use the smoke joke here? Please? TOM: *No.* This is Picard doing the thinking, not some twit. > "What function does this >'cube' of yours perform, that you need it so badly?" MIKE: Oh, dear... TOM: Well, on Mihoshi's behalf, at least she realizes just *how* important the control cube is. > Mihoshi shifted her weight from foot to foot. "Well, it's a standard >control cube... you use it to transport from place to place, to summon >important items, to... um...." she scratched her head, "to... well, it >makes some excellent coffee, by the way. Did I mention that?" MIKE: Yes, give him info on an object that bends time & physics to the owner's will. Real cute. KIYONE: Baka. TOM: You just watch, Mihoshi gets her hands back on the control cube and uses it to accidentally turn Q into a human being. > Picard leaned to the side. "Councillor?" > "I sense no deception from her, Captain." Troi answered. "She *is* >desperate to get this cube of hers back, but there's no malice in her >desire for it." KIYONE: Thank you Miss Exposition! TOM: She and Sailor Mercury would get along great for telling us what we already know. CROW: Troi in a fuku... MIKE: Forget Troi! *Seven of Nine* in a fuku! KIYONE: Ummm...OK. MIKE: What? >Troi concentrated for a moment. MIKE: Okay. You can use the joke here. CROW: The smoke started pouring out of her ears. >"If anything, I think >the device is more of a security blanket for her." > Riker, who had been listening carefully, nodded. "It might be worth >it to get this cube for her," he glanced at Mihoshi, who was still >listing uses for her control cube, KIYONE : Push this button and it makes taffy! TOM: I wouldn't mind some taffy right about now. > "if it will serve to calm her down." CROW: Someone get the tranq darts! > "Good point, Number One." Picard agreed. "Considering the damage >done to sick b-" > "Captain," Worf interrupted, "We're being hailed." > Riker jumped to his feet. "Romulans?" MIKE: Again with the Romulans! Aren't there any other villains in this story? What about the Borg, or Jem Hadar, perhaps? Heck, even the Hirogen! Move on, already! KIYONE: How about a free lance mercenary? The Star Trek universe has to have some of those around! > "Negative, sir." Worf frowned. "The signal is coming from her ship." CROW: The calls are coming from inside the ship! TOM: Why's that frightening? CROW: Not sure, actually... KIYONE: I think that's the computer of her ship calling. >He indicated Mihoshi with a curt nod. > "...hot chocolate, although I haven't quite figured out how to get >it to add those teeny marshmallows..." MIKE: She keeps going and going and going... > "I thought there wasn't anyone else aboard." Picard turned to face >Worf. "Did our scans miss something?" TOM: See what happens when you add Windows 95 to your computer? > "Scans still show no life signs aboard that vessel." Data replied. > "Then who the hell is hailing us?" Riker inquired. CROW: A computer AI, maybe. Like the one on the *Enterprise*. Sheesh! MIKE: The Enterprise doesn't have an AI, just a computer. CROW: Fanboy! TOM: Well, it's true. > "There's one way to find out." Picard rose to his feet and tugged >the hem of his shirt. TOM : Hike down your shirt just like mine! KIYONE: To cover up that butt crack! > "Mister Worf, on screen." MIKE : Now what use will I be hanging from the viewscreen? TOM : Damn it man! Just do as I command! > The view of Mihoshi's ship winked out and was replaced by the >face of Yukinojo. "Mihoshi! What happened to you!" CROW: Oh good, the disgruntled Widget is back. *Lovely*. MIKE: I still think it looks like Cambot. KIYONE: I know your pain, Yukinojo. > "...and it's great at emptying out the trash containers on the >ship," Mihoshi grimmaced, "they get so yucky sometimes. It's also >good for getting those little dust rabbits out from under the-" TOM: Especially the vorpal dust rabbits. CROW : "Look at the bones!" MIKE : What? KIYONE: Not you, silly! > "Mihoshi." Picard stepped up to her. "Who is that?" > "Oh, that's just Yukinojo." She smiled. "My ship's computer. Why?" > "Computer." Riker sighed wearily, falling back into his seat. >"I'm getting too old for this." TOM: What? It's not like this ship doesn't have one. Shouldn't be *that* big a surprise. MIKE: Like I said, the computer on the Enterprise doesn't... CROW: We know already! > He glanced over at Troi, who was >trying to stifle a smile. "What?" MIKE : You're laughing at my gut, aren't you? Well, I'm working on it! TOM: He did get a little beefy near the end, didn't he? KIYONE: Couldn't they have shaved off the extra fat using the transporter beam? CROW: I think that's against StarFleet regulations or something. > Picard sighed. "Transporter room three? Energize." MIKE: What?! Is that damn rabbit pounding his drums around here again? > "Perhaps we could leave her over there." Worf wondered aloud. > Riker laughed. "Why, Mister Worf. She's hour guest. It would be rude CROW: Even though she demolished half of the med lab single handedly. TOM : "Be a pest, be a pest, put our patience to the test!" >not to bring her back." > "Perhaps, Commander, but it would also be safer." Worf's attention >was drawn to a warning tone. "Captain! Romulan warbird decloaking!" KIYONE : Let's see here. Keep the story interesting up until *this* point, then toss in old enemies and my chapter is done! MIKE: You found this story interesting? > "Red alert!" Riker commanded. "On screen!" TOM: The *evil* Romulans again. This story concept is almost Ratliffian. CROW: And it's getting old, too. > The main viewscreen shimmered, changing to reveal a Romulan warship >decloaking directly opposite Mihoshi's ship. MIKE : This is reserved parking, you creep! KIYONE : We're gonna have to give you a ticket, ma'am. You're blocking traffic for miles around. > "Captain, their weapons are armed and locking on us!" Worf reported. Mike: And here we see the Romulans going after the Enterprise. Again. TOM : Wake me up when this is over, okay? ZZZZzzzzzzzz... > "Transporter room three, get Mihoshi back here!" Riker ordered. > "I've lost the lock on her, sir." the transporter tech replied. "I >can't re-establish it!" > "Is it the Romulans?" Picard asked. CROW: Of course! Everything's the Romulans fault. Blocked transports, the trade deficit, El Nino, Radford U. getting into the NCAA tournament. MIKE: Now that's just cheap! I hope Marissa smites you for that one. CROW: GULP! TOM: Sounds like another *REVENGE* fic to me! KIYONE: And stop kissing up! > Data checked his console. "Negative, Captain. The transporter is being >blocked by a randomized ionic field. MIKE : Oh, the usual, then? CROW: Randomized? Is this guy just throwing words together again? > The field is not being generated >by the Romulan ship." > "Then who?" Picard inquired. > Data paused. "Unknown." TOM: Of course it's unknown! It if wasn't we probably wouldn't have a chapter six and prologue! >And so ends chapter 5. Anyone care to guess who's behind the >"randomized ionic field" and other assorted problems, besides >Mihoshi herself? KIYONE: An author who had to pull a convenient plot twist out of his butt? MIKE: So it just ends like that? TOM: Oh wait, no, it's starting back up. No chapter title or anything. CROW: KIYONE: You're gonna flood it if you keep doing that! > >Sorry this has taken so long to get written, but it's undergone no less >than seven major re-writes. Hopefully the rest of the story won't take >quite as long to complete ^_^ MIKE: He does revisions! Now this is a refreshing change of place. TOM: Anime Fic Commandment #1: Thou shall not throw your 1st draft onto the web for all the world to see. > However, the same force that had attempted to block her scans of >the warp was at it again, returning false echoes, ghost images, and >generally making a pest of itself. CROW: Temporal forces are obnoxious that way. BOTS: MIKE: Stop it. BOTS: MIKE: Just...cut it out, okay? > There was a definite intelligence >behind the blocks, and Washu was beginning to suspect the identity >of her opponent. KIYONE : Ahhh...it's my nemesis Zordon! TOM & CROW : Who's that guy with the *big head*... KIYONE & MIKE: What? TOM :We'll tell you later. CROW: I swear, if the author suddenly brings in David Kintobor, I'm leaving! > "I'll let you know in a moment, Commander." LaForge turned to the >Engineering station. MIKE: That's awfully surreal. He'll turn into the engine core next, I bet. TOM: WOW! I didn't know Changlings had gotten onto the Enterprise! CROW: These sudden scene changed are starting to annoy. > "Computer, transfer Engineering controls to this >station." He sat down and began working. CROW : Now, let's see here... www.alt/pictures/hentai/startrek/ Voyager/SevenofNine.com >"There was a brief surge of >energy in the transporter field right before she was supposed to >re-materialize. I'm attempting to determine the cause of the energy >surge now." TOM: SURGE!!!! MIKE: I'm more of a Mountain Dew kinda guy, myself. TOM: Kiss-up CROW: JOLT!!!! KIYONE: Knock it off, already! > The glowering face of a Romulan woman filled the main screen. KIYONE: Now what is glowering? MIKE: I think it's supposed to be an alternate word for mad, or annoyed. KIYONE: Oh! Just like us then. >"Attention Federation vessel. I am Captain Kila of the Romulan Warship >Yev'ash. ALL: Genseundeit! >You have entered the Neutral Zone in violation of treaty. We >demand that you withdraw immediately." KIYONE: Nani? The Neutral Zone just snuck up on them? MIKE: Where are the warship Ka'bob & G'Nish? TOM: I'm just waiting for the Klingon ship Togg to show up anytime... CROW: You just love kissing up to Megane 6.7, don't you? TOM: What can I say? He writes me good. > "Is that a threat, Captain?" Kila asked warily. KIYONE : You stole my line, creep! MIKE: No, *I* am Captain Kila. how am I? TOM: And I'm Nick Danger! CROW : This is CNN > "An observation." Picard replied. > Captain Kila paused for a moment, thinking. Before she could say >more, an aide stepped up beside her and hurridly whispered in her >ear. MIKE : Captain, the keg has arrived. KIYONE : Alright! TOM : I'm not drunk!! Ish justsh ave a little drink! *HICUP* > Kila's eyes widened slightly and she nodded. "Captain Picard, >I shall.... consider what you have said. Now I have pressing matters >to attend to." KIYONE : Got to use the little Romulan's room. Toodles! CROW: Or she's seeing her agent about being placed in such a bad fanfic. > With that, the screen went blank. > Picard turned. "What was that all about?" TOM: Well, they didn't want to talk to you anymore so they hung up. > "Something's wrong." Troi answered. "Whatever it was that she was >told, it surprised her. Surprised her so badly that she doesn't >consider us to be much of a threat right now." KIYONE: Oh. Oh, *man!* MIKE: What? KIYONE: Oh you'll see... CROW: I have a bad feeling about this. TOM: You can say that again. CROW: I have bad feeling... TOM: > "That would have to be some surprise." Riker commented. Then he >frowned, turning the pink cube over in his hands. "You don't think..." CROW: KIYONE : TOM: This is going to be messy. MIKE: What? WHAT? >"I'll ask you one last time." the Romulan officer spat, TOM: MIKE: You just *had* to do that joke, didn't you? >"What are you >doing aboard this vessel?" > "I don't know!" Mihoshi whined, her voice raising in pitch with >each word. MIKE: D'OH! TOM: Oh gods! Mihoshi will cause more damage through clumsiness alone that Marissa does. CROW: Heck she hasn't been that bad... KIYONE: Oh, you have *no* idea! > "I was on my ship, and Yukinojo said that another ship had >arrived, so I decided to try and call up a cup of coffee, but my cube >wasn't working right, and then the Enterprise said that they were going >to beam me back - which is a really strange feeling, MIKE : You should have done that before you left! CROW : But I didn't have to go then! > I might add. Kinda >like sitting in a fizzy soda, not that I've ever actually *done* some- >thing like that, but I bet that that's what it would feel like if I >actually-" Tom: : Voice... too high... brain... hurting... losing... consciousness. KIYONE : Must... talk like... Kirk... ugh. > "Yes, Captain. She was found in the aft cargo hold." He shot a >withering glance at Mihoshi. ALL: DUCK! >"So far she hasn't been very cooperative." CROW : All she does is keep talking and talking and talking... Can we kill her now? > "Liar! Centurians!" Kila shouted. Two glowering Centurians entered >the room. "Take this spy to the brig!" KIYONE : INFIDELS! TOM: Gyah! That's creepy, Kiyone! KIYONE: Heh, thanks. ;) > "I see." Picard mused, looking at Sasami. "Sasami, we have a small >mystery on our hands, and we're hoping that you can shed some light >on the situation." He motioned towards his command chair. "Would you >like to sit down?" CROW : Perhaps you can point out this bluntly obvious solution. MIKE: Anime kids seem to be good at that. TOM: Just like Sasami knows that she'll get Tenchi instead of Aeka and Ryoko. CROW: No way! I say Ryoko gets Tenchi! TOM: Uh ah! Sasami! CROW: Ryoko! TOM: Sasami! CROW: Ryoko! TOM: Sasami! KIYONE: All right you two, that's enough of that! >"Hello? Hello!" Mihoshi's shrill cry rang out from the brig. "I need to >use the toilet! Please, let me out of here!" CROW: I could say something really sick here but... I like living. KIYONE : Smart bot. > Looking out from behind the force field, Mihoshi chewed her lower >lip. TOM: Now we're seeing scenes from ALIVE! CROW : Mmmm! I taste good! MIKE: Now that was just plain shameless. >"Where did everyone go?" she wondered aloud. "Why haven't they >come to let me use the toilet?" MIKE: I don't know, maybe because you're a prisoner? TOM : You are Number 6. KIYONE: Now that was obscure. > Her eyes wandered around the cell CROW: Quick! Catch them before they run away! TOM: That joke never grows old. >she found herself in, then focused on a small panel mounted on the >far wall. It was covered with symbols she couldn't understand. KIYONE: Uuhhh... CROW: Why'd they put the control panel on the *inside* of the cell? MIKE: Just smile & nod. TOM: Plot contrivances provided by Stephen Ratliff. > Walking over to the panel, she leaned forward slightly and pressed >on it. She yelped as the panel swung open with a loud *CLACK*, then >broke off of its mountings and fell to the floor. MIKE: 3d6 of Blind Luck is a wonderful thing, isn't it guys? TOM: And you say *I'm* a fanboy? CROW: I'm the god! I'm the god! > "Oh dear." she >muttered to herself, peering inside the exposed cavity. KIYONE : I did something evil, didn't I? MIKE: Remind me to rent that Ranma movie when I get back. I haven't seen it yet. > There were >numerous cables and conduits and small colored cubes, as well as >four objects that looked like buttons. TOM : Oh!!! Buttons!!! Is there a red one?!?! > "I know what this is!" Mihoshi announced happily. "Just like the >utility controls back at the Academy!" She frowned, slightly. "But >which one opens the door to the bathroom?" She closed her eyes, >concentrating. "Oh, I never was good at multiple-choice tests!" CROW : Actually, in most cases, several of the choices can automatically be eliminated. KIYONE : Does that work with True/False questions, too? CROW : Oh, man... > Eyes >still closed, Mihoshi began chanting. "Eeeny, meeny, miney, Moe!" >She stabbed the third button. Nothing. TOM: Warning! Warning! Self Destruct initiated! > "Meeny!" she said, stabbing the first button. Nothing. MIKE: And what did the first button ever do to you? > "Miney?" The second button. Still nothing. > "Eeeny?" she sobbed, pressing the fourth - and last - button. > There was a muffled sizzle, then the force field sealing the cell >flashed and went dark. MIKE: Man! She must be rolling sixes like crazy! > All too aware of the growing pressure in her abdomen, CROW : ALIEN! KIYONE: No, Crow, it isn't CROW : Oh, OK then. > Mihoshi >walked out of the cell, into the hallway beyond, and looked around. >"Hello? Hello? Is there anyone out here?" There was no answer. >"Guess I'm going to have to find the toilet all by myself." TOM: Now if this isn't a setup to some comic relief, then I don't know what is. > With that, she began walking. >-------------------------------------------------------- KIYONE: Hmmm. More Morse code MIKE: What does it say? KIYONE: I have no idea. > >And thus, Chapter 6 comes to a close - and Mihoshi is turned >loose on an unsuspecting Romulan crew ^_^ KIYONE : I have to admit, that was cute! MIKE : If B-Ko sends us more fics like this, heck, I'll be happy. CROW: That was actually fun! TOM : So it just ends like that? KIYONE: Hell, I'm not complaining. Thanks Derek! (DOOR SEQUENCE) 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... Once again, everyone was gathered on the bride of the SOL. Mike and Kiyone were sipping cold drinks in an attempt to stay cool in spite of the rising temperature. Crow, with the suntan cream still covering his beak, lay on the counter while Tom hovered close by, still in his beach clothing. A few minutes later, Gypsy came onto the bridge, wearing a sun hat. "Gypsy, I think you have the heating on a *little* too high," Mike said. "Sorry, guys. The climate control is really sensitive. Normal temperature should return within the hour," she replied. Kiyone placed the soda can to her forehead. "I should hope so. Whew!" "Well, look on the bright side," Tom said. "The fic was actually kinda fun." "Yeah," Crow agreed. "Shame it just ground to a halt like that. I'm actually curious what else happened to Mihoshi." As if his comments were magic words, a tanned, blonde, woman suddenly blipped onto the bridge. Everyone immediately recognized her as Mihoshi, holding her pink control cube and wearing her snug, orange & white battle outfit. Mike and the bots shouted in surprise, whereas Kiyone's face lit up in a smile. "MIHOSHI! Thank god you're here," Kiyone said. "Yeah, those Romulans invited me to tour this Klingon ship, and then just left without me! How rude! I managed to find this little satellite here, and decided to pay a visit," Mihoshi quickly explained. She looked at Tom and shrieked, "Oh, kawaii!", drawing him up into a hug. "Whoa! Waitaminute," Tom started to protest. "Um...say!" Crow looked on, envious. "No one appreciates me..." As he got off the counter, he saw the pink control cube. "Wait a sec, she has that dimensional Rubik's cube thingy!" "Hey," Mike said, now excited. "Can you get us back to Earth with that?" Mihoshi thought about it for a moment. "Well...I can try!" "Cool! Everyone, huddle up," Kiyone commanded. Mihoshi fiddled with her cube for a few seconds, twisting around sections of it. "GOT IT!" she said triumphantly. "No, wait..." Kiyone slapped herself in the forehead. "D'OH! Mihoshi!..." As suddenly as Mihoshi had appeared on the bridge, they all vanished. In a dimly lit cavern, with a pool in the far side of it, a *POP* resounded through the air and all five people appeared in midair. Shouting, they all fell into the pool, disappearing under the water for a few seconds before surfacing and coughing out water. Tom shook his dome to rid it of the water inside and commented ,"Adada-adada. I'm guessing that Mihoshi missed." "I'll say," Crow replied, coughing up a little water. Suddenly, the group heard the sounds of machinery approaching. "Guys, I think we have company," Mike said. A large bulky humanoid robot plodded into the water towards them. The bots got closer to Mike in fear. The mech stopped and panels on its huge shoulders opened up. They all flinched, expecting missiles, lasers or other implements of destruction. Instead, from each shoulder, a puppet popped up, both dressed in a blue tunic with spiked red hair. "The hell?" Tom said, moving out from behind Mike to get a closer look. As the group watched, the puppets began to talk. "Welcome, visitors, to the dimensional lab of the smartest and cutest genius in all the universe, WASHU! And here is the mistress of ceremonies..." "Oh dear," Crow said. Some where overhead a spotlight lit up and shined its light upon the lovely Washu, sitting on a rock with her trademark crab fans in her hands. "I see Mihoshi has been bringing in some of her *friends*. So," Washu said, hopping down from the rock. "What seems to be the matter?" "Well," Mike began, more then a little nervous. "She was helping us to get home, but it looks like she accidentally dropped us here." "Oh I'm sure I can help you out. It'll just require a few...examinations," Washu replied. Mike and the bots looked at each other, only one thought on their minds : "Uh-oh." * * * In Washu's lab, Tom & Crow stood to one side, various sensors attached to their bodies. Mike, shirtless, stands besides them and also has sensors connected to him as well as a weird piece of headgear. "Ummm," Mike said, nervous. "I'm sure you're an expert at this, ma'am, but how will this help us?" Washu, now dressed in a lab coat and goggles, turned to face him. "I'm merely getting some readings. Hmmm," she muttered, reading a screen. "It appears that you are not of this dimension. The most I could do would be to send you to where you were before Mihoshi brought you here." Tom, needless to say, was depressed by the news. "Back to the Satellite of Love. *SIGH* Oh well." Washu detached the sensors and headgear off Mike before speaking. "Of course there is another option." Finished with Mike, she removed the sensors off of the bots. "You said that you are the subject of experiments. I could make some arrangements, so you could help me with some *projects* of my own." She smiled coyly. Mike, blushing, quickly gave his reply. "Ummm...that's OK! We'll just be going." He ran out of the lab. "Yeah, Toodles," Tom said, quickly following Mike. "BYE!" Crow shouted, following Tom out of the lab. * * * Back on the bridge of the Satellite of Love, Mike and the bots blipped into sight. "Well," Crow started. "So much for our escape..." Mike noticed the red light blinking. "Great, now B-Ko's calling us." He tapped the red light. DEEP 13 B-Ko smiled nervously as she was flanked by a fully recovered Dr Forrester & TV's Frank. "Why, Dr Forrester, Frank, it's good to see that you've recovered," B-ko said. Frank rubbed his neck. "Yup, I've always been a quick healer." "B-Ko, about your *service* at Deep 13," Dr. Forrester started. "Yes..." "You've been doing a fine job here," he said, placing his arm around her. "In fact, I predict that you will be an essential member to my project for a long, *long* time!" Frank and Dr Forrester began their evil scientist laughter, with B-Ko joining in a few seconds later. However, her laughter became weaker and weaker as the full implications of the evil scientists words sunk in. Finally Dr Forrester and Frank turned to B-Ko. "HA-HA-ah-heh-heh. Ummm," B-ko said, smiling gently. "Gomen nasai?" Dr Forrester shook his head as Frank pressed the Button. *BLIP* Fwooosshhh... \ / \ / \ / 0 / \ / \ / \ As the screen winked off, B-ko's fading words could be heard. "Oh poopie!" ________________________________________________________________________ We hope y'all enjoyed this story! I'd like to thank Jamie for helping me out. I'd also like to thank Derek Sherman for righting this rather fun and amusing story. Also, I appreciate all the readers who have supported Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings over this past year. I'm really glad it's earned a niche in the MSTing realm! Tim McLees > Before Sasami could reply, Mihoshi's wild gyrations brought her to >the edge of the transporter pad. Her foot slipped over the edge, and >she yelped a piercing "YAAIIEE!" as she lost her balance and tumbled >off the pad. > "Look out!" Riker yelled, grabbing Sasami and dodging to one side. > Mihoshi tumbled past them, shrieking all the way, and crashed into >a startled Worf and his two security men in a blur of arms and legs. >From somewhere within the pile, a female voice muttered a single word. >"Ouch."