Misting of: Mistied: When Worlds Collide! (By Dr. Thinker) Misting by: Alex Gariepy Era: MIKE (Mike and the 'bots versus Mads Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank at Deep 13) Era note: Invention exchange in effect in this misting. WS#9 Sections: MST (Meta-misting), XOVER (Crossover), SM (Sailor Moon), SONIC (Sonic the Hedgehog), TOON (Cartoon) Quick note: The SONIC part refers to the small teaser at the end of this. Author's note: Dr. Thinker... well, I certainly have my work cut out here. I put this into the MIKE era because I felt like doing the invention exchange. There's a lot of riffing on the fic rather than Dr. Thinker's misting, but that was because of Dr. Thinker's riffs being few and far in between. Anyway, as a result, I asked permission of both Calico Clawson and the Doc. This will probably be a practice for me to ask the permission of all parties involved if I do yet another meta- misting. Well, enjoy. Technobabble/disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters are copyright(c) 2000 by Best Brains, Inc. This misting is merely intended for entertainment purposes only, no infringement on the original trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. or any other company/person was intended nor should be inferred. This misting is not intended to insult/injure/scar anyone mentioned, nor does it exactly hold the opinion of Alex Gariepy. (Meta-misting in effect... the fourth wall is down, the time moves slowly, and the riffs are relentless. Beware.) (Turn down your lights... those things emit radiation.) (Theme) In the not-too-distant future Way down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank Were hatching an Evil Scheme. They hired a temp by the name of Mike, Just a regular joe they didn't like. Their experiment needed a good test case, So they conked him on the noggin And they shot him into space! (MIKE: "Get me down!") (Instead of holding a movie reel, the Mads are holding some paper sheets.) We'll send him cheesy mistings, The worst we can find (la-la-la). (Mike and the 'bots see Dr. Thinker's mug as they riff away in the theater.) He'll have to sit and watch them all, And we'll monitor his mind (la-la-la). Now keep in mind Mike can't control Where the mistings begin or end (la-la-la). He'll try to keep his sanity With the help of his robot friends! ROBOT ROLL CALL: Cambot! ("Show yourself!") Gypsy! ("I'm not ready!") Tom Servo! ("Hello there!") Croooow! ("That's one 'o'!") If you're wondering how he eats and breathes and other science facts (la-la-la), Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, I should really just relax For Meta-Misting Theater 3000!" (Twang!) (Door sequence) (SOL-bridge. Tom and Crow are in their respective positions, once again in a discussion. There is a piece of paper on the counter in front of them. You can't really see what's written on it. A pencil is attached to Crow's left hand, apparently for him to write stuff down.) CROW: So, who should I enter? TOM: I don't know... maybe we should enter you in. CROW: Me? I know I'm good-looking but not that good! TOM: Hey, do you wanna do this or not? CROW: Yes, but I don't think... um... can't we just do the questions first? TOM: Alright, we'll have it your way. (Mike enters with a cup of coffee. He sits down to Crow's right to take a sip.) CROW: Okay, question number one. On a scale of one to five, one being most important, five being the least, do you think appearance is essential? TOM: Um... maybe we should give it a three. You know, the middle. CROW: I don't know. What if the guy thinks we're hiding something, like an acne problem? TOM: But if we give it a one, the guy will think we're too much into physical attraction alone and not much else. CROW: A five, then? TOM: Sounds too ditzy, but we'll go for it. CROW: Okay, five it is! (He moves his hand as if writing something on the paper.) (Mike is now listening in on the conversation. He puts down the coffee.) CROW: Let's see. Question number two. On a scale of one to five, what do you think of smoking and drinking? TOM: Well, I know drinking is essential. I mean, humans need water, don't they? CROW: Isn't smoking bad? TOM: Yes, to everyone but the tobacco industry. CROW: Well, what number should I put on this? It's for both smoking AND drinking. TOM: Can't they be two separate questions? CROW: Nope. MIKE: Guys... TOM: Oh great, now Pinocchio's joining in the fun. CROW: Oh come on, Servo. Give Mike a chance here... (He looks to Mike.) Yes? MIKE: Um, what are you doing? CROW: Well, we're just taking part of a PRIVATE survey. No need to concern yourself. TOM: Yeah, it's not like we're taking advantage of this or anything. CROW: Servo! TOM: Oops! Forget I said that. MIKE: (He takes the sheet.) Lemme see this. (Mike reads the sheet. His expression looking puzzled.) MIKE: What the? "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire" entry form? Guys, I didn't know you wanted to get married that bad. TOM: We're not. CROW: Ahem... TOM: Heh heh, nothing. Nothing. MIKE: Alright you guys, confess. (He puts the sheet down by his coffee cup.) CROW: Well, Mike... um, we were trying to get ourselves into the show for the free trip to Las Vegas. TOM: Yeah, Mike. By becoming one of the forty or so nominees, we'll be able to get out of this old dog bone and be free of all the torture of fanfics and movies. CROW: Not to mention we'll be where all the cool casinos are! TOM: Yeah! Caesar's Palace, here we come! MIKE: Original idea, guys, but you're forgetting some things. TOM: Such as? MIKE: Well, I mean, if you do make it, wouldn't you have to go in the show with all the other entrees... and what if you get picked? TOM: Well, it's like this, Mike. We could either take off as soon as we hit Las Vegas, or... CROW: We could enter you in, Mike. I mean, wouldn't it be nice to have a wife? MIKE: Well, now that you mention it... hey! I prefer to do the romance game the long and normal way, not marry someone I don't know! (Tom and Crow look at each other.) CROW: We could enter Gypsy. TOM: No! Um, I mean, better not. MIKE: There's also another problem with this. CROW: And what is it? MIKE: How can they get us down from the SOL when all they have are passenger jets to fly people? TOM: Um... isn't some company trying to get space shuttles to carry passengers? MIKE: Guys, it's not going to work. (He moves his hands expressively.) There is no way that some people will bother to bring us out of the SOL to Las Vegas because one of us looks pretty. This plan is both unethical and quite impossi... (But before Mike finishes his rant, he accidentally hits the cup of coffee, spilling it all over the paper.) TOM: Oh, way to go, Mike. CROW: Yeah, now I have to get another form. It took over five weeks to get this one! MIKE: I'm sorry. (Commercial sign) TOM: I told you we shouldn't bring Mike in on these plans. CROW: I see your point, Tom. MIKE: We'll be right back. (Mst3k bumper) (Commercials. The new 2001 Pinto! Get a taste of Y2K in your own car. With a name like Pinto, it has to be... something.) (SOL. Mike and the 'bots are in their respective positions.) TOM: Mike, I'll let you know that we decided not to pursue the Las Vegas plan any further. MIKE: Good. CROW: Besides, after seeing the whole fiasco with Rick Rockwell, who'd want to marry a multi-millionaire anyhow? (Mads' sign) MIKE: Well, let's put off the thought. Jake and Sisko are calling. (Deep 13. Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank are in their respective positions.) DR. F: Ah, Nelson. Why don't we begin the invention exchange with you? Frank, get our invention ready. FRANK: Do I have to, Steve? DR. F: Yes, Frank. If you don't, you can kiss that blood donation tomorrow goodbye. FRANK: Alright, Dr. F. (He exits, stage left.) DR. F: Well, Mickey. Your invention this week? (SOL. Mike has a small spray can in his right hand. There is no label on the can. In front of Crow is a bowl of strawberries with a fork on the side. Servo's head is mostly covered with shaving cream. A razor is on the counter in front of him.) MIKE: Well, our invention today is based on the premise that both whip cream and shaving cream are similar just in appearance only. Obviously, if you try to eat your favorite dessert with shaving cream, then that wouldn't taste very good. If you try to shave with whip cream, well, it wouldn't help to reduce irritation on your skin when you shave. So... CROW: We made a cream that is both tasty AND smooth to your skin! MIKE: That's right. We call it the 'Whipple cream', naming it after the Charmin guy for introducing the soft yet... um, useable... toilet paper. CROW: Well, we could've called it Royale cream, but we liked the name 'Whipple cream' a lot better. (Mike puts down the can of Whipple cream on the counter and takes the razor. He uses the razor to begin shaving Tom's head.) CROW: Anyway, Servo's head is already covered with normal shaving cream. Mike is shaving his head... but what's this? There's a spot Mike didn't shave too closely enough? Darn, that means you have to shave over that spot again... TOM: But what about Whipple cream? CROW: Of course! Just apply smoothly to the area you wish to shave... Mike? MIKE: Oh, right. (Mike puts down the used razor and takes the can of Whipple cream. He applies just a bit on Tom's head, and uses his free hand to rub the cream in. He then puts down the can, takes the razor and begins shaving again.) CROW: And voila! No worries! Hey, Servo? How are you feeling? TOM: Why, this feels great against my robotic skin! MIKE: Oh, and this works for practically every other species as well. CROW: Absolutely! And to top it off... Mike? (Mike puts down the razor, takes the can of Whipple cream and applies some to the bowl of strawberries. He then puts the can down, takes the fork, and takes a bite of the strawberries with the applied cream.) TOM: Hey! Mikey likes it! CROW: It's great for those classic desserts! MIKE: (Putting away the food, and getting a towel.) What do you think, sirs? (Deep 13. Dr. Forrester is standing in his previous position, but the camera zooms out a bit as Frank brings out a gaming wheel with labels with the numbers '1', '2', '3', '4', and so forth on 7 of the 8 playing pieces. The last label reads 'Free life'. The top of the wheel has a little pointer, as we would expect, and a big banner on top with the words 'Wheel of Immorality'. A small printer is attached to the left of the wheel. Frank moves to the wheel's right and puts his hands out to showcase the wheel.) DR. F: Mixing shaving cream and whip cream together? Please... Our invention this week is a little twist off the infamous 'Wheel of Morality' from Animaniacs fame. I call it the 'Wheel of Immorality'. It's great for parties and also a good stress reliever. What it does is... well, when I have the urge to kill Frank, or commit some form of harm to someone, I just spin the wheel like so... (Dr. Forrester spins the wheel.) DR. F: Wheel of immorality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the felony that we should spur. (The wheel gradually stops on the number '6'. The printer begins to print a sheet.) DR. F: When it lands on a number, it randomly selects from a library of endless possible ways to cause pain and prints it out. Ah, felony number 6. And the felony for me to commit is... (Dr. Forrester tears out the sheet and reads it with glee. Frank obviously looks nervous.) DR. F: "Throw the victim into a pile of burning volcanic lava." I love that idea! Frank? FRANK: Yepper? DR. F: Throw yourself into some lava. I would do it but I got an experiment to send today. FRANK: Whatever you say, chieferino! (He looks to the camera.) Later guys. (He exits.) (SOL) MIKE: Um... interesting invention, Dr. Forrester, but... um, just my asking, what's the 'Free Life' label for? (Deep 13) DR. F: That? Oh yeah. Well, nothing, actually. It's like a free space that I decide to put in. Besides, if it goes there, and I still feel the urge to create pain, I can still spin the wheel again. (SOL) MIKE: Oh. TOM: (The towel Mike had earlier is now on his head, obviously to remove all that cream.) Mike? Can you help me here? MIKE: Oh, right! Right... (He tries to help Tom get the cream off.) so, anyway, Doc, what's our experiment? (Deep 13) DR. F: Ah, why you're getting a taste of your own medicine! Let's skip the 'fourth wall' formalities and get straight to it... I'm giving you a Dr. Thinker misting. It's a little piece of misting tripe of another piece of tripe called "When Worlds Collide", a crossover between Sailor Moon and SWAT Kats. Enjoy watching yourselves make fools of yourselves! Send them the misting, Fr... oh yeah, he went to kill himself. Alright then. (SOL. Lights, buzzers, etc. Tom's head is perfectly fine now. In fact, everything is cleaned up.) ALL: AAAAAAAH! WE GOT MISTING SIGN! (Door sequence) (All enter theater.) TOM: Dr. Thinker, huh? I feel so special now. MIKE: We're going to see ourselves? Well, if this isn't an ego trip, I don't know what is. >Dr. Heros TOM: (Announcer) Richard Biggs guest stars as Dr. Heros on a very special ER. >by Dr. Thinker CROW: Co-written by Dr. Speaker and Dr. Hearer. MIKE: Proofread by Dr. Reader. >A Sailor Moon/SWATKATS crossover by "Calico Clawson" > >SWATKAT is copyright by Hana-Banana TOM: While Flintstones is a copyright by Chiquita Banana. >Sailor Moon is copyright by DIC. >"When Heros Collide!" copyright by "Calico Clawson" CROW: Wasn't it 'When Worlds Collide'? TOM: Well, something collides in this... and they didn't bother to wear a seatbelt. CROW: You can still see the mess, eww... > > > TOM: (singing) Do, re, mi, fa... >[SOL] TOM: (singing) ... la, ti, do! > > >Mike: Oh, hi. MIKE: Hi me! BOTS: (At the same time as Mike) Hi Mike! > We are busying playing. A person says a cartoon >chacter with have to figure out a name of that show. CROW: Um... okay... what did you say? MIKE: Um, I think I said we are playing word association with cartoon characters. TOM: Must've been a rainy day if we were to play that. MIKE: But we're in space, it never rains. TOM: That's my point. >Tom: Akane >Crow: Too easy, Ramma 1/2. TOM: Do the judges allow that? *bzzt!* Oh, I'm sorry. How much did you wager? >Tom: Your turn. >Crow: Hakura >Tom: Too easy, Sailor Moon. CROW: Well, it would only be too easy if you were a fanboy! TOM: But... but... I didn't say it! >Crow: Your turn. >Tom: Razor >Crow: Huh? >Mike: SWATKATS TOM: No Mike, it's (stretching the following word) Ra-zor. >Crow: What that? >Mike: It's about flying human cats from Earth in which Cats >replace humans. TOM: The TRUE conspiracy behind Cats: the musical! >Crow: I wonder what Dr. Forrester be in SWATKAT's city? CROW: Pretty much the same... a gerbil. >Tom: Speaking of the DEVIL, he calling.. TOM: Lucifer's making house calls! MIKE: That takes Pitch out of a job. > > >[DEEP 13] > >(We see Dr. Thinker again) ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAH! TOM: Oops, sorry. Just a reflex there. > >Dr. Thinker: Your story tells about a meet between Jake and >Chance, MIKE: Then they start their own daytime talk show. > the Swat Kats, TOM: I wonder if the SWAT Kats employ K9 units. (Mike and Crow groan.) > and one of your favorite series, Sailor Moon. It's >called "When Heros Collide!" CROW: Tonight on FOX! > and it's one big dizzy. TOM: So this fanfic is part of Six Flags? > Oh, if you >wonder why the regular doc is out. MIKE: (Dr. Thinker) We've switched to Diet Doc. All the evil, half the calories. > He going to get warn up in >Volocana. MIKE: I wonder how Frank is doing... > But I want see if my robot can help you out. TOM: He's trying to make us all go insane with fanfics, and yet he's sending us a robot... to help us? CROW: Hey, the more robots, the merrier! Well, except in this case. > Meet >Diana. (Tom and Crow look at each other.) CROW: Diana Shaffer? TOM: Diana Ross? CROW: Diana, Princess of Wales? TOM: Diana Dors? MIKE: I have an uneasy feeling about this. > >(We see a parts of keysboards makes Diana's body. CROW: You know, with all those buttons on keyboards... hee hee. (He giggles.) MIKE: Crow, Crow, Crow... > A couples of >mouse makes her arms. TOM: You see, Dr. Thinker hires mice in pairs to do cheap labor. MIKE: Are those the mice from Disney's 'Cinderella'? > Her top speaker, a long wire is her mouth, MIKE: It was either that or a Twizzler. >two control knobs make up her ALL: No... don't you dare! No, no... > Eyes. ALL: Phew! > Her eye pupil's are masking >tape.) CROW: And we used duct tape for her hair and painted it brown! MIKE: Again with the duct tape, huh Red Green? > >Diana: What do you think? TOM: I think Jenny Jones needs to fire her makeover crew. > >[SOL] > >BOTS: Our wish has come true. MIKE: ('Bots) There's actually someone uglier than we are! BOTS: Boo! >Mike: (Denna Troi) He hiding something. MIKE: Dr. Thinker has no pants! TOM: Eww... > >[DEEP 13] > >(Diana is there anymore] TOM: What the? > >Dr. Thinker: (smiling) No, I'm not. I just want you to save you >brains. MIKE: He's a pretty ineffectual Mad, this Dr. Thinker. TOM: Pretty much. > >[SOL] > >[Movie Light flashes and honks] CROW: Hey, who let the Ugly Duckling in here? > >Mike: WE GET THE FAN-FIC SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: (singing) And it opened up our eyes, we get the fanfic sign... > > >(THEATER...6...5..4...3..2...1...THEATER ROOM] CROW: So we went from the theater to the theater room? > >(Diana is standing) TOM: Oh, she looks pissed. I hope she didn't see that magnet I placed in her cereal. > >Diana: (serious) Ticket, any one? MIKE: Serious, as opposed to her usual 'goofy'. TOM: No Mike, Diana is one of Dr. Thinker's creations... her usual is 'silly'. >Mike: No. >Diana: Then why did you call this a theater? CROW: Because it shows movies on a big screen. What did you think? >Mike: We don't >Diana: What did you call it? TOM: The theater room. (All snicker.) >Mike, Crow, and Tom: HELLFIRE!!!!!! MIKE: Well isn't that cute? We named the theater after a missile. CROW: And we call the bridge "CLUSTER-BOMB!!!!!!" >Diana: Ouch, Dr. Forrester is MAD. CROW: No, Alfred E. Newman is MAD. Dr. Forrester is just *a* Mad. >Mike: No kidding. >Diana: Were do I sit at? >Crow: You can sit by me in the four seat CROW: Not that I have any ulterior motive here... heh heh. TOM: Fourth seat? There's plenty of seats on my side. CROW: Um, Servo. Remember? Those seats are taken by your imaginary friends. TOM: Hey, now you hurt Inky's feelings! Take that back! >Diana: Take, Oscar. >Crow: Don't say that mean? CROW: Well, that goes up there with 'Diana is there anymore' as the most confusing thing so far. MIKE: And we're only in the beginning of this. >Diana: Why? >Crow: Author who sick us to no end. CROW: Well, that narrows it down to... what? Fifty thousand people? >Diana: Hentai writer? >Crow: Yes with Artemis and Luna. MIKE: Ah yes, the 'happy herm', as the 'bots told me. >Diana: I try to remember that. I watch a bit. > > >> When Heroes Collide TOM: Includes footage of the Superhero Hockey League! Hosted by Don Cherry. > >Mike: Worlds are doom. CROW: (Antoine D'Coolette) ...-ed! Doom-ed! > >> by "Calico Clawson" > >Tom: Clawson, that the second weird name, I come up with. TOM: I made the name? CROW: Been surfing the net under an alias, huh? TOM: (hesitant) Ummmm... no? >Diana: What first? MIKE: The chicken or the egg? >Tom: Dr. Thinker. >Diana: Hey! > >> Hey! ALL: Jinx! 12345 you owe us a Coke! >> Welcome to my story. TOM: (Clawson) Prepare to die, puny mortals. > >Mike: Relax, it sound good. >Crow: Sorry, Mike. Can't do. MIKE: Sound good? Everything sent to us so far isn't good. CROW: I wonder if Dr. Thinker heard the theme correctly... you know, send us cheesy movies, the worse they can find? TOM: La-la-la. > > > >>For those of you who are not >> >> >> >> >>familiar with Sailor Moon, ALL: What the? CROW: The author's killing us with dramatic pauses!... or not. >> I will describe the story. TOM: Oh, just what we need. The Complete Idiot's guide to Sailor Moon. >> These >>five >Crow: WE ALL KNOW ABOUT THEM!! CROW: Unfortunately. > TAKE ABOUT THE SWATKATS!!!!!! CROW: And clean up their litter box while you're at it. > >>teenagers discover they have powers and team up MIKE: Hey, no teamsters! No fair! > >Tom: To make our lives miserable thinks to author like Dr. >Thinker! >Diana: Hey! TOM: (his alter-ego) Oh, sorry if I offended your creator, he really has a lot of integrity. > >>to form the Sailor Scouts. It's a series of Japan >>cartoons that include whirring backgrounds CROW: If you look closely at the background and make it out, it kinda looks like the Japanese flag! >> and super >>intergalactic >>powers and rays. TOM: And magic. CROW: And senshi outfits. MIKE: And... things, lots and lots of things... did I mention there are things? > >Diana: Jeweraly and magic of the Moon. MIKE: Brought to you by DeBeers. A diamond is forever... TOM: But the pain of this will last much longer. > > >> Serena: CROW: (singing) Sereeeenaaa! You gotta see her... ding, ding, ding, ding... > >Mike: Stupid girl who is a nutball of clumzy. TOM: (English accent) And I am a Screwy of Lightbulb! Thou shall face the wrath of thy globe! > >> There's Sailor Moon: the leader of the group. MIKE: Hence the title of the show. >> She tends to get >>a little over-emotional CROW: (Laughing) Yeah, a little... pff! Hahahaha! > >Tom: LITTLE OVER-EMOTIONAL? You are UNDERSTANDING TOM: Here, alter-me, have a tissue. There there. > >>and jumps to conclusions too often. CROW: (Serena) I got it! The government's behind this! MIKE: She said Serena jumps to conclusions, not exactly paranoid delusions. >> She is scared of >>just about everything and Screams in fright every time. TOM: So I guess she doesn't like scary movies, does she? > >Mike: You are nuts! MIKE: Almonds or peanuts? > >> But she is the most powerful and the leader. CROW: (droning) She is the leader... obey the leader! Leader! TOM: (announcer) For information on how to obey, send five dollars to... (He trails off.) > >Tom: (Raye) But I want to be the leader!!! MIKE: Sorry Raye, but the Scouts' leadership candidacy elections don't come until next March. Tough luck. > > >> Amy: Sailor Mercury is the second in command. TOM: Heh, the only way they select leaders is by their order of appearance in the show, right? MIKE: Uh huh. CROW: Sailor Scout #51's never going to reach the big time, huh? >> She is sort >>of >>the genius of the group. TOM: So, is she a genius or not? >> Straight A's and she has all the high >>tech computers in her small but powerful arsenal. MIKE: (Amy) Stupid Windows 2000! *beep* No, not the blue screen of death! Argh! I'll teach you! Mercury Bubbles Blast! Oops! >> She is polite >>and shy often, but when she wants to, she can be deadly. She is >>confidant and will never take sides in an argument. A very >>strange girl. CROW: Not as strange as Martha Stewart, at least. TOM: And that's a good thing. > >Diana: I based on Amy and Serena come!!! >Mike, Tom & Crow: ALL: (As themselves) What did you say? > ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! >Diana: And lit bit of Billy. TOM: Ew! Someone's cooking a piece of Billy's liver! MIKE: I feel like the guys from 'Alive'. >Mike: (Beetlejuice) CROW: I hope he means from the movie and not the cartoon. (All give a collective shudder.) > You scare the living daylight out of me. TOM: Starring Timothy Dalthon, Maryam D'Abo, and (shudders) Joe Don Baker. > > > > CROW: I'm so eager to find out what's next! Well, either that or I want to get this over with. >> Ray: Sailor Mars is the overly confidant one. She is often >>too mean and bossy, CROW: Just say she's a pain in the butt so we can move on, okay? >> but she can be a good friend is she MIKE: (shrugging) I don't know, you're the one making the biography. >> is in a >>good mood. She is, more often then not, fighting with Serena. CROW: Other times, she just fights with Linda Carter. >>She sees her as a wimp and a crybaby. No surprise. TOM: Her tears are good enough to fill the entire Nile river! MIKE: Why do you think they built the Suez Canal? TOM: Ohhhh... >> Ray is >>something close to a psychic. CROW: In fact, that word is on a page in the dictionary close to 'psychic'. >> She "reads fire" as her >>fortune telling power. MIKE: She's really reading the script, though. >> She is very spiritual and works at a >>temple. TOM: She is also a member of the Natural Law Party. CROW: Somehow, Servo, I doubt that. > >Mike: Tell, Raye, when we will Oscar did a very bloody death. MIKE: What I say? TOM: I think you asked Raye when we will see Oscar have a very bloody death... I think. MIKE: I don't know me anymore. > >> Lita: Sailor Jupiter is the tough one. TOM: But that's overcooked beef for you. CROW: Lita, it's what's for dinner. >> Very much of a >>tomboy, Jupiter will pick a fight with anyone except her friends. TOM: So Lita's a mean ol' school bully, huh? CROW: Always picking on the little guys... hey, you want lunch money? Get a job! >>Karate is how she defends herself. MIKE: Grooming is how she cleans herself. TOM: Sleeping is how she rests herself. CROW: Getting angry is how she stresses herself. >> So any boy that gets her upset will >>get a pop in the nose. MIKE: Any boy that gets her in a really bad mood will get a pow, smack, right in the kisser. >> But that won't stop her from going after >>every boy in their school. It seems that every boy she sees >>reminds her of her old boyfriend. CROW: (Lita) He looks just like my old boyfriend! Only a little taller, has dark hair, wears Hawaiian-styled clothing, speaks differently, has a mustache... TOM: Aaaah! It's Magnum P.I.! >> So don't pick a fight with her >>or your going to get it! > >Mike: I wonder what happen if Dr. Thinker and Jutiper get in a > fight. MIKE: Dr. Thinker will need super-human powers, and calls for "SILLY POWER!" BOTS: AAAAAAAH! CROW: No wait, silly power? I thought you meant silly putty. >Diana: He will be dead! CROW: (Jupiter) Assume the position. TOM: (Dr. Thinker) Awww... MIKE: Guys... > > > >> Mina: Sailor Venus is the beautiful one. TOM: According to a USA Today poll taken last week, with a 4% margin of error. >> But don't let >>this >>pretty blond fool you: MIKE: She's actually a Russian spy! TOM: That didn't fool me. CROW: This is no Bond film. TOM: You never know with crossovers... >> she plays for keeps!! She is very tough >>and confidant and knows when to tell the truth. CROW: So, frankly, never. >> If she isn't >>fighting evil, TOM: You know something's gone wrong. >> she's shopping or hanging out with her friends. >>As >>a true friend, she is often left in charge when Mercury is not >>available. MIKE: But since mercury is in plentiful supply, she never gets the chance. TOM: Dang those infernal temperature gauges! >> But you can say she does a pretty good job. > >Tom: But she dull-brain just like Serena! CROW: I have the feeling we'll need our stash of ditzy blonde jokes... Mike? Under the seat. MIKE: (Pulling out a few sheets of paper.) Excuse me for a moment. (He blows off the dust from the sheets.) (All cough as the dust clears.) TOM: Forget it, Mike. Put it back. We'll just recall from memory. (Mike does so.) > >> Stardust and Moonshine are both characters I made up. TOM: Uh oh, we have new characters... >> They >>don't have their own cartoon but MIKE: (Clawson) I sure wish they did. >> they are in this story. >> >>Jennifer: Stardust is a TOM: Song written by Hoagy Carmichael. > >Tom: Is a 3500-year old mummies from Eygt. TOM: Next he'll call Canada 'Cana', or Russia 'Rsusa'. MIKE: I'm glad he's not misspelling Uruguay. >Crow: You been watching to many eposides of "Mummies Lives!" CROW: Yeah Tom, you voyeur! Quit peering into mummies' lives! TOM: (sniffing) I can't help it! It's all 'The Sims' fault! > > >>technological genius. She is confidant and very willing to make >>friends with anyone. MIKE: Except Mike Wallace. > >Tom: Even us? TOM: I wish! Er, I mean, you wish... or is it... > >> She is Venus' space sister and usually hangs out with her. (All laugh hysterically.) TOM: Kansas! A space sister! CROW: I feel like I'm watching 2001 again! > >Tom: You are get silly. CROW: (Speedy Cerviche) Now let's all do something silly! (All do something silly. You figure it out. Making faces, silly sounds, whatever...) >Crow: Cut it out! (All stop.) ALL: Awww... > > > > >> Katie: Moonshine is very athletic. Sometimes she doesn't MIKE: Bathe. Sad, really. Athletes need to bathe after a good workout. >>want >>to take part in dangerous situations but always gets talked into >>it. CROW: Usually by Mr. Bribe. >> She is Mercury's space sister so she usually hangs out with >>her. (All laugh again.) MIKE: Forget the stork, space families are the new thing now! TOM: (Announcer) For more information on how to adopt a space sister or brother, contact your local space-adoption facility. This was a paid announcement from Space-babies 'r us. > >Diana: Huh? >Tom: My feelings too. > >> And if you aren't familiar with SWAT Kats... what are you >>doing here?! (All look out the theater, then gesture towards there.) ALL: (whining) They made us! > > >Tom: We been forcing by Dr. Thinker to read this stupid story of >us. CROW: Us? We're in the fanfic? ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! > > >>So here goes! CROW: (Mario) Here we gooooo! > >Diana: The author's brain. TOM: The sequel to 'The Brain that Wouldn't Die'. Clawson's in the pan now and looking for revenge! > > > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >>~ (All hum the Wayne's World flashback ditty.) > > >Tom: (A navy officer) MAY-DAY-MAY-DAY MAY. TOM: (singing) Just another manic mayday. CROW: (singing) Woah woah... > We have a very long >crack in ! We going to died! >Diana: No such luck! MIKE: (Diana) Don't die! Remember 'The Project'! TOM: Please no. Don't ever, EVER bring that up! > > > >> "AHHHHHHH!!" CROW: That refreshing Bud Light taste! >> Serena screamed at the top of her lungs, being >>her usual panicky self. > > >Diana: OUCH! MY EARS!!!!!!!! TOM: Ouch, my parser! >Mike: You don't have ears! MIKE: They're 'receivers'. (Quotes with his fingers.) >Diana: OUCH! MY SPEAKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Owie, my cerebral cortex! >Mike: Now that something robot has. MIKE: Old Sony speakers... not good. Next she'll have a Betamax as her brain. >Tom: If I could, I tongue you! ALL: Eww! TOM: Yuck, I don't wanna tongue someone! CROW: Good thing you have no tongue, gumball head. TOM: Shut up. > > > >> The sailor scouts were called to do the job of kicking some >>bad guys butt. MIKE: What? They have an emergency Sailor Scout signal? TOM: I betcha they wasted a lot of time discussing the color of their emergency hotline phone. > >Tom: Sailor Jutiper was kicking most of butts. > >>They were now on the biggest bridge in Japan and > >Diana: The move the London Bridge to Tokyo. TOM: And we all know what happens from here... CROW: (singing) My fair lady... >Crow: Nice one. > > > >>staring up at a huge portal. (All groan.) MIKE: I have a bad feeling where we're gonna end up. TOM: It's nothing we haven't seen before, Mike. >> "What is that?!! Some sort of >>hole?!!! We're all gonna die!!" CROW: (Serena) Stupid black hole! Now I know why Luna told me never to mess with space. > >Tom: They get killed. The end. TOM: Well, that's all then. I might as well be going... MIKE: Sit down. > >> "Sailor Moon!! GET A GRIP!!" MIKE: I told you to Fixadent and forget it! >> Ray screamed at the top of her >>lungs right back at her. CROW: Raye, stop yelling at Serena's lungs! TOM: No, Crow. I think the author meant... CROW: I know what Clawson meant. > >Diana: EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: (Diana) Screaming at the top of her lungs! Yuck! What if it has germs? > > >> Serena ticked her off so much she couldn't stand it. TOM: So Raye went on a killing spree... > >Mike: She failed to shark fill ocean. MIKE: Um... okay... the best guess I can think of was that she failed to fill the ocean with sharks? TOM: Is she planning to feed them Jacqueline McKenzie? > > >> "Stop bickering you two! This isn't going to get us >>anywhere!" CROW: (Amy) This is a fanfic! There's no need to waste thirty minutes of time with petty bickering! >> Amy, as usual, didn't take sides and was desperately >>trying to ger her friends to stop fighting. TOM: So she made a new side. MIKE: Amy is the Switzerland of the Sailor Scouts. > >Tom: It got her killed by a hench-man overing hering them. TOM: So she was killed by a henchman's overfishing? CROW: Death by trout! What a way to go! > >> "That portal is real bad news. TOM: Oh, and an earthquake in Turkey isn't? >> But it isn't doing >>anything!" MIKE: Except made us talk. CROW: Better than doing nothing all fanfic. > >Diana: Yeah! As if! >Mike: Are you Alice Sliverstone. TOM: No, she's Diana Krall. CROW: No! It's Diana Haddad! TOM: Diana Wynne Jones! CROW: Diana Gabaldon! >Diana: Can we get her on our salary? MIKE: We have a salary? CROW: What would we spend it on when we're stuck here? >Mike: I take that a "No!" MIKE: Couldn't you just say no? > > >>Mina observed cleverly. CROW: (Mina, ditzy) Hee hee, pretty portal! >> "Just keep cool. We'll watch it and if >>it does anything we'll find out where it comes from." TOM: So if it does the bagpipes, does it come from Scotland? CROW: Well that's smart, just use generalizations to guess... losers. > >Tom: You nuts, Mina. >Crow: That's Mina for you. MIKE: So being observant is nuts? > > > >> "Yeah, then I'll kick his butt." Lita put in. CROW: (Lita) All the way to Pizza Hut... Get it? It rhymes, ha ha... whatever. > >Diana: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: (Exasperated) Oh my, the horror of posterior jokes! AAAAAAAAH! (Normal) Wuss. > > > >> "Geez! Why does this always happen to us at the worst >>times??" Razor said. CROW: Because life bites. TOM: Because writers make it that way. > >Tom: Does the word, Stupid, mean anything too you? (All snicker.) TOM: It's really difficult not to insult my alter-ego here. > > > >> He braced himself for the crash through one of the Pastmaster's >>time portals. MIKE: The Pastmaster! Preserving the past for over two billion years. CROW: He keeps it in a jar. > >Tom: Pastmaster, who is here? A game show host? CROW: FEAR ME, FOR I AM THE PASTMASTER! TOM: He better not bring up history questions. Don't bring up the War of 1812! >Mike: It's a nightmare, just like his fan-fiction. > > > >> They were hit with one of the little trolls blasts of magic >>that >>jammed all of their weapons and shut down some of their other >>functions. MIKE: Like breathing. > >Diana: (Brain) Pinky, look at what you done! TOM: (Brain) You broken the gyro-meter and what's even worse... you accidentally made the TV broadcast a 'Lost in Space' marathon! CROW: (Pinky) Gee Brain, I didn't know the thingy was supposed to look like cheese. Narf! > > >> T-Bone was desperately trying to get the Turbokat under control >>but to no avail. They were surrounded by the blackness of the >>portal. MIKE: That rules out a crossover with 'The Time Tunnel'. TOM: That leaves out only... fifty million plot devices. MIKE: Tom? TOM: Well, give or take ten million. > >Tom: It's was really a black hole. They will killed. >Crow: Don't get your hope up, Tom. CROW: Remember, we still have the Scouts left. TOM: Dang. > > >> "EEEEEEK!!" MIKE: The Cat. >> Serena shrieked, hiding behind Lita. "What is >>that??!!" TOM: It's Queen Beryl's grandma! Run! CROW: (falsetto, elderly tone) I'll get you Sailor Moon! Just wait until I take my evening pills... > >Tom: Da plane, Da plane. TOM: Didn't they have a remake of that show? CROW: Remake? What remake? MIKE: Exactly. > > >> "It's a fighter jet!" Amy cried. "It's like nothing I've >>ever seen!" TOM: Well, about time the military gets in a Sailor Moon episode! It's like they've been hibernating for quite some time. > >Diana: As if! TOM: No wait, I think she's Diana Poth! CROW: No, it's Diana Senechal! TOM: Diana Gamerman! CROW: Diana Bryer! MIKE: Diana International! (The 'bots look at Mike.) MIKE: What? > >> "I'm getting strange messages from it." Ray blurted out. CROW: (Raye) Let's see... 'Waiting for you, Room 18?' What the? > >Tom: (Raye) It was writed in Catmando. TOM: I'm Catman! CROW: Catmansee, Catmando. MIKE: All this over a typo. TOM: Fun, isn't it? > > > >>"It's not from this planet. CROW: No argument here. (All snicker.) >> Their not like us. It can't be >>good." TOM: She understands what a crossover is, good! Er, I mean, bad. MIKE: Why is it the characters that know and not the author? >> Ray came out of her trance and looked at the flaming jet >>soaring overhead. CROW: Mike must be piloting that thing. MIKE: Hey! > >Mike: Like a phoniex. TOM: Mike tried to sing like Madonna but failed to pull off the riff. MIKE: Guys! TOM: Sorry, you're just easy to tease, Mike. > > >> "Let's follow it. I'm gonna make those guys wish they never >>came to this planet!" Lita shouted. CROW: (Lita) Sure, they made need help, but they're aliens! Kill the bastards! TOM: Lita's a xenophobe? Hmm, this changes everything. >> The five super heroines >>ran >>towards the jet that was about to crash in a swamp. TOM: Alright, some party crashing time! Woo! CROW: Yeah! MIKE: Um, yay? > >Tom: Hey, author. You brain is come out your ear! TOM: I should know, I'm a certified brain surgeon. > They don't have >swap in Tokyo! CROW: Yeah, they have a thing called a 'market'. TOM: And an 'economy'... what's left of it, anyway. > > > >>The jet crashed with incredible force. ALL: (dully) Boom. >> T-Bone steered it into a >>clearing in the swamp, and at the last possible second, he >>jammed >>onto the brakes. MIKE: Thus stopping the jet in mid-air. CROW: Those air brakes sure save lives! >> The force was so incredible, it broke Razor's >>seat-belt and he crashed into the weapons panel in front of him. TOM: A few minutes later, the airbag went into effect. >>He blacked out. >> When he came to, MIKE: He whitened in? >> they were in the middle of the swamp. He >>reached up to rub the bruise on his head and felt a huge cut >>just >>above his eye. CROW: Well, where his eye WAS. MIKE: Ew, Crow... >> The gash caused blood to rush down his face. >>T-Bone caught sight of this and rushed over from inspecting the >>Turbokat. "Are you okay buddy? That looks bad--" > >Diana: Razor was died, cover in blood. TOM: (Razor) That's the last time I use hair-dye from Dracula's wardrobe. > > >> His sentence was suddenly cut off when a bolt of lightning ran >>through his body. CROW: Sailor Jupiter attacks without provocation... figures. >> He fell to the ground in an unconscious heap. MIKE: I think the word that you're looking for is 'pre-emptive strike'. CROW: Sure, Mike. > >Tom: He's out the picture! The end! TOM: And I went out of my mind! The end! > >> Razor leaped out of the jet just in front of T-Bone. "Who's >>there?!!!" CROW: (Lita) I didn't say 'Knock knock' yet! >> He screamed. He was furious with rage. MIKE: As opposed to furious with giddiness. >> Someone had >>dared to electrocute his partner. He suddenly felt incredible >>power run through his body. He screamed in pain but fought it. ALL: SURGE! > >Crow: The pain was getting him nightmare of sex with a cat! >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: CROW! TOM: CROW! CROW: CROW! No wait... um, ME! > > >>He couldn't give up when his partner was hurt. TOM: But since HE was the one getting hurt, the option to give up was open for him. >> But the pain was >>overwhelming and he collapsed. > >Tom: THE END. Sailor Scouts win! TOM: If only it were true... MIKE: I find Sailor Jupiter's attack a little out of character. CROW: You do? Odd. >Crow: Don't get you hopes up. CROW: Yeah, this is a fanfic after all. TOM: Nuts. > > >> The four girls walked up to the limp figures on the ground. TOM: Hey, weren't there five of them? MIKE: Amy found out she was in a crossover and took off before the others noticed. >>Of course, Serena cried out and panicked when she saw two alien >>kats lying on the ground. CROW: (Serena) I'm not feeding them Purina Cat Chow! >> Ray walked up to the smaller one >because she was curious. TOM: Curious like a cat. MIKE: But not like a SWAT Kat. > >Tom: You are a curious little ape. >Mike: That's monkey, Curios George. MIKE: They're all the same species anyway. CROW: (Kilrathi) You pathetic descendents of monkeys! >Tom: If I could, I will make you sorry for that crack. CROW: Bite me, Servo. TOM: Yeah, bite him, Serv... uh... > > >>He stayed up longer then anyone who was zapped by Jupiter. MIKE: What a bad case of insomnia. > >Mike: He's must have took DayQuil. MIKE: Well, now we know what must be done... impose a curfew on Razor, and don't give it catnip for a while. > > >> She was getting powerful vibes from this strange kat. TOM: Uh oh, she caught Mortal Kombat syndrome! CROW: (Raye) Kan it be? A kat who is kurrently unconscious? Krud! >> She >>walked >>up to him and laid a hand on his forehead. TOM: The plastic hand didn't do anything, so she took it off his forehead and used a waxed replica. >> She suddenly fell >>into >>a trance. TOM: SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP! MIKE: (Raye) Must... destroy... mankind... ooo, lunchtime. (He shakes out of it.) >> She suddenly fell to her knees and the other scouts >>ran >>up to her. TOM: She suddenly had the urge to suddenly do something... suddenly. CROW: Suddenly. TOM: Yes, suddenly. > >Tom: What up? MIKE: (Looking up) Tom Servo's ego. TOM: Hey! MIKE: Now you know how it feels! > > >> "Mars, what did he do to you?" Mina said. CROW: (Raye) Heh, what HASN'T he done to me? Heh heh. >> She ran up to >>her >>and helped her to her feet. > >Mike: (Mars) That man try to kill me. TOM: (Mina) But it's just a cat. CROW: (Lita) I say the pressure's finally gone to Raye but what pressure? > > > >> "That one... he's good. MIKE: (Raye) At faking unconsciousness... kill him. >> Don't hurt him. The other one >>either." TOM: Well, they're pretty much bleeding on the ground, it would be safe to say not to hurt them at this point. CROW: Unless you're the genocidal Sailor Jupiter. Sorry, sorry... I'm mean today. >> Mina took the arm of the copper colored kat, slung it >>over her shoulder, and hoisted him up. MIKE: Ah, throw it into the fire, keep us warm for tonight. >> Lita took the arm of the >>bigger one and slung it over her shoulder. TOM: And into a brick wall. > >Tom: Like it was very big bookbag. >Diana: Ouch! Hope, Lita does get her bones boken. CROW: It'll be cool to see what a Sailor Scout filet looks like. > >> Suddenly the small kat started to moan. CROW: (Mina) You want kitty treats now? Gee, what a time to get hungry! >> Mina almost dropped >>him >>but held up. Ray instantly ran to his side and helped him. >>"Wake >>up... MIKE: (Raye) I got Folgers... >> wake up..." MIKE: (Raye) This is only a dream. BOTS: We wish! > >Tom: Today is a school day. TOM: Now come and eat your breakfast. > > >> Razor slowly opened his eyes and felt a rush of pain. CROW: He played all of 'Manos' mentally in just two seconds! TOM: The horror. >> His >>vision was only slowly returning. He was being held up by two >>females at his side. MIKE: (Razor) Selma Hayek? Cindy Crawford? What are you two doing here? >> He glanced up and saw a girl with long >>black >>hair trying to get him to wake up. MIKE: (Razor) That movie you were in... with Will Smith? Phew! > >Tom: (Razor) I died and gone to heaven. TOM: Maybe someone should tell him that he ain't dead. CROW: That's his idea of heaven? I prefer the cloudy city with the Philadelphia cream, thank you very much! > >> He pulled himself out of their hold and fell to the ground. TOM: Baby kitten still needs to learn how to walk? CROW: Don't cats always land on their feet? >>"Who--who are you? Leave me alone." > >Mike: For the birds!!!! CROW: Wouldn't Razor eat the birds? > > >> "Don't be afraid. We're on your side." MIKE: Except for Amy, she doesn't take sides. (All snicker.) >> A new figure came > >Diana: (Razor) As if!!!!! CROW: Diana Quinn! TOM: Diana Ozon! CROW: Diana Vreeland! TOM: Diana King! MIKE: Guys... accept the fact that this is not a famous Diana of any sort, but some weird-looking robot. CROW: Fine, Mike. But mark my words, I'm not letting someone named 'Diana' sit by me again. TOM: That won't be very hard. CROW: Bite me. > >>into view. A girl with a LOT of blond hair and a big red bow, CROW: Isn't that Cousin It's girlfriend? MIKE and TOM: Hmmm... >>now approached him, taking his paw, she offered to help him up, >>but he refused. > >Mike: You kill my partner, you dirty rat!!!!!! >Diana: Feel dark today? CROW: Order Dr. Forrester's 'Wheel of Immorality' today! > >> "No... my partner. He's--" MIKE: We know, he's 'dead, Jim.' > >Mike: (Razor) Last all of 9 brains, just like this author. TOM: Authors have nine brains? I hate to think of William Shakespeare with nine heads. > >> "We'll take care of him. Sailor Moon, can you help him?" TOM: Yeah, like Serena's a veterinarian. CROW: Sailor Moon, M.D. > >Tom: (Serena) No way, those guys are too scary for me!!!!!! TOM: Oh for crying out... they're just injured cats! CROW: (Serena) I don't want cat scratch fever! > >> "Yeah..." Serena cautiously approached the thin kat on the >>ground and held up a crystal to the sky. TOM: But all she did was reflect the sunlight at the cat's eyes. >> "Moon crystal healing >>power!" TOM: Explosive globe riffing power! CROW: Webhead double-entendre power! MIKE: Uh... Non-specific jumpsuit power! How was that? TOM: I think we need more work. >> He was surrounded by a white light that seemed to fill >>him with strength. MIKE: But all it did was fill him with Oreo cookie cream. >> When it was over he realized that his cut >>was completly healed. CROW: But the mental scars were still there... >> He stood, staring in disbelief at >>these creatures. Where had their magic come from? TOM: Small guess here, but um... that crystal she used? > > >Mike: From the power of love. CROW: I love that tune! TOM: Any mention of that time-travel movie and I'll hurt you. > >> He saw the girl with the really long pig-tails approach >>T-Bone who still had is arm slung over Lida's shoulders. He was >>surrounded by the light and he woke up. TOM: I sure hope Dr. Thinker won't tell Razor to come to the light. MIKE: I would be surprised if he did. >> He looked around and >>pulled himself away from Sailor Jupiter. CROW: (T-Bone) I'm not ready for a relationship, okay? Let's just be friends. >> He walked up to Razor >>and said, "Razor, what the heck is going on?" TOM: (Spock) It appears we are inside a crossover, Captain. Highly illogical. > >Mike: I don't have a clue. >BOTS: US, TOO!!!!!! TOM: Looks like someone scooped up our brains with an ice cream scoop. > >> "I have no idea. But I think their on our side." MIKE: Except, of course, for Amy. > >Diana: As if! >Tom: YOU GET TO BE ALICE SLIVERSTONE!!! MIKE: Yeah, like knob-eyes can do that! >Diana: If I could, I will tongue you!! ALL: Yuck! MIKE: Go tongue a post in the winter, see how you like it! > > >> "We are." Amy came up to them. MIKE: (Amy) Except me. BOTS: Mike! >> "You were just thrown into >>our world by that huge portal." TOM: (Amy) You know, the plot device. > >Tom: (Sailor Mercury) We thought you were from the Nega-Verse!!! MIKE: Well, that would explain why Jupiter went nuts, thanks alter-Tom! > > >> "Boy, this is majorly weird you guys." Lita came back into >>view. "What are you guys... some kind of cats?" TOM: (Sarcasm) No, those are just costumes they're wearing for the 'dress as your favorite cyberpet' dance. > >Tom: From the Cartoon Newwork!!!!! TOM: (Lita) Just one channel? Pff! Losers. > >> "Uh, yeah..." For some weird reason, Razor was beginning >>to trust these strange females. CROW: (Deep voice) Foolish cats! Prepare to face the wrath of my short-skirted minions! Mwahahaha! >> "We're from Megakat city." MIKE: Mega-what-now? TOM: (Razor) It's our version of New York City! We got the idea of renaming famous cities something else from Batman. > >Tom: (Razor) We were fighting against the Pastmaster! When he zap >us with one of his pitful rays. CROW: (Razor) He zapped episodes of 'Histeria!' into our brains... curse him! > >> "Megakat city?!" Mina piped up. MIKE: (dryly) Mina, pipe down! >> "That place is only made >>up! I remember reading about it in a story book." MIKE: Storybook? Oh please say she's joking... > >Tom: My relax circuts are shorting out, Mike! TOM: Relax circuits? I didn't know I had them. CROW: It's the circuits that keep your head from exploding. TOM: Pretty useless circuits. CROW: We know. > > > >> "I vote we make tracks MIKE: I vote Indy car. TOM: I vote NASCAR. CROW: I vote Formula 1. >> back to the temple before anything >>else pops out of that scary portal!" Serena said, a slight >>twinge of fear in her voice. CROW: Smart move, Serena. Leave the portal open for more people to pop out. Genius! > >Tom: Like Dr. Viper! TOM: The car with a Ph.D. >Crow: Or Pastmaster CROW: The man who literally lives in the past. >Diana: The Metal Kats MIKE: Cats with an attitude! >Crow: Dark Kat CROW: The Goth look comes to town. >Diana: Hard Dive TOM: Soft death. >Mike: Road Rovers MIKE: The dune buggies of the future. >Crow: Teenage Mutant Ninja Teenages CROW: Teenagers in a half-shell? >Mike: The Power Rangers MIKE: The show that wouldn't die. >Tom: Sam & Max. TOM: The show that did. > > > > (All take a deep breath.) ALL: Phew! TOM: All this over Serena being a chicken. CROW: Yep. >> "Maybe Stardust will know how to get them back to their own >>world." MIKE: And now they found a way to get the newbies in on this! > >Tom: Dust of Star, send them back!!! TOM: I wouldn't be surprised if that's the gist of it. > >> "Stardust!" Razor cried. CROW: Stardust makes you cry? I thought it was peeling onions. >> "She comes from this world?! >>She helped us one time!" (All groan.) MIKE: Oh no, a series... TOM: Now I hate this even more. > >Crow: This is part of a series? CROW: Congratulations, Moose. You get a cookie. > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CROW: Surfs up, dude! Catch the wave! > >Tom: We has reports that cracks in Monain's System is blocking >after all games area. We have more on that later. TOM: (Announcer) But first, a historical trip through my alter-ego's brain. (long pause) TOM: (Announcer) And now, back to our story. > >>Just assume they'v met, okay? It makes it easier to come up >>with a plot! TOM: What the? MIKE: So we're getting no backstory? I don't know if I should cheer or jeer. > >Diana: Not on your life!!!! MIKE: (Diana) We're tired of thinking up plots for you. Do your own freaking fanfics! > > >> Just use your imagination for my sanity! AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!! CROW: Okay, what type of plot shall we think of? TOM: Um... how about having Stardust go back to Megakat City and helping the SWAT Kats save the day? CROW: Nice, but how does she do it? TOM: Um... with a LitterMaid? CROW: Okay, we'll go with it. > >Crow: My feeling exactly. > > >> Stand by:::::technical difficulties::::: (All hum like your ordinary test pattern would.) > > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (All break off, but Crow accompanies the fanfic with some elevator music.) > >Diana: The crack is heading to MST300 links. MIKE: What's an MST300? TOM: I don't know, same show, less budget? MIKE: How can you get smaller than this? TOM: Four letters, Mike. K-T-M-A. (Crow continues his elevator music.) > > >> It was Ray's turn to contribute in this conversation. MIKE: Crow, you can stop now. CROW: (stopping) Awww, but I like doing elevator music! >> "She >>told us about travelling to another world once. TOM: She did? CROW: Probably not. The author probably wants us to make a plot for that too. >> She said there >>were strange creatures there but she never told us about what >>they looked like. CROW: (Raye) All we know is that they don't like cheese. TOM: Strange creatures indeed. >> Well, let's get you back to our temple so we >>can figure this out." > >Tom: You can't figure this one, Raye, will out four million >years. TOM: I understand that... what? > > >> They covered up the jet with branches CROW: Heh, like THAT would hide a jet. MIKE: It worked before in other shows. TOM: Only because everyone on the show was a complete moron, Mike. >> and walked back to > >Diana: Must have been 3 or 4 trees. CROW: Well, there's some waste of lumber right there. MIKE: Didn't they teach these guys the three R's? > >>the temple where they had to sneak past Ray's grandpa, which >>proved to be a very difficult task. They walked into a big room MIKE: But in just one sentence they sneak past Raye's grandfather before he had a chance to make a scene. TOM: (Raye's grandpa) No fair! I can't get any coverag... MMF! > >Tom: That was on fire from Rubbis. >Crow: Feeling darrk today? CROW: Me too! Let's go sell poisoned milk to schoolchildren! MIKE: Not on this satellite you are. CROW: Awww. >Tom: Yep. This is boring as can be. TOM: Please, we've suffered through Ratliff, Gonterman, McElwaine, Ed Wood, Roger Corman, and more... we've seen more boring stuff than this! > >>with a fire place right in the middle of it. T-Bone saw a girl >>with blond hair TOM: (Announcer) Will our special guest stand up please? >> sitting in front of the fire, meditating or >>something. CROW: The author, once again unsure of what to type, decides to ask the audience for help. MIKE: 80% of the audience prefer 'cooking marshmellows'. TOM: 19% say 'meditating'. CROW: 1% says 'burning important legal documents'. >> She heard them enter and whirled around. MIKE: She's enjoying her swivel chair just a bit too much. > >Tom: Like El Nno!!! TOM: El Nono? MIKE: It's El Nino's nanny. CROW: (falsetto) No changing climates for you, young man! > >>The shocked expression on her face indicated she had seen them >>before. TOM: (Stardust) You should've called in advance! This place is a mess! > >Tom: Or Jutiper be using her for target practice!!!! CROW: Mike, it's official. I'm scared of Sailor Jupiter. > >> "Jake! Chance!" She stood up and ran up and hugged them >>both. "You're here! What are you doing here?" TOM: Oh, like YOU don't know. CROW: She's trying to act surprised. > >Diana: (Jake) We don't know!! MIKE: (Jake) The last thing I did was waking up to get some coffee... next thing I know, I was swarmed by fanfic authors, thrown into a crossover, and worst of all, I don't know why there's seven silhouettes in the bottom corner! > > >> "That's what we'd like to know." Chance said. "Where's >>Katie?" Jennifer strained to keep a straight face. CROW: She had a full house going in. >> She always >>knew that Chance had a slight crush on Moonshine, MIKE: (slapping his forehead) Oh no... now there's a romantic plot involved. CROW: With a cybercat? This is almost as weird as the Sonic and Sally relationship. >> so she called >>her into the room. Katie stepped into the room and her jaw hit >>the ground. TOM: (Katie) They don't make dentures like they used to. Ah well. >> "T-Bone! Razor!" She to ran up and hugged >>them both. "Whoa, T-Bone, ease up a bit." (All leap up in their seats.) ALL: AAAAAH! CROW: You got the same mental image I got? MIKE: Sadly, yes. >> T-Bone released her >>and turned bright red. TOM: Then all of the other reindeer laughed and called him names. >> Razor punched him in the shoulder and >>frowned at him. CROW: Nyuk nyuk nyuk! TOM: Hit his nose, T-Bone! Hit it! > >Tom: (Razor) Bad Cat, Bad Cat!!! >Diana: (T-Bone) Shut up! CROW: That's it? MIKE: I like a riff-to-go please? Hold the Dr. Thinker. > >> Jennifer grinned at Katie, who apparently had no idea what >>she was getting at. CROW: (English accent) Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink? > >Tom: Into stupid zone is more like it!!! TOM: They have entered into the stupid zone... doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo... CROW: Ah, I've seen enough of that show. MIKE: Speaking of which, let's take a break. TOM: I agree, let's move out. (All exit theater.) (Commercials. Another Bond film... what? You know very well what the plot may be, why should I bother to tell you? Sheesh!) (SOL-Bridge. Mike is all alone behind the counter.) MIKE: Oh, welcome back, everyone. Tom and Crow are busy building something and told me to wait here. So, to recap the story... Dr. Thinker has sent our alter- egos and a weird-looking robot named Diana to watch a fan-fiction called 'When Worlds Collide'. As for the fan-fiction itself... CROW: (off-screen) Hand me that screwdriver, Tom. TOM: (off-screen) Ahem... CROW: (o.s.) Oh, right. No arms. Sorry. TOM: (o.s.) Just shut up and I'll tell you what to do. GYPSY: (o.s.) How about me? CROW: (o.s.) Just hold the tools in your mouth and don't talk for a while. GYPSY: (o.s.) Okay... (Sound of tools falling.) CROW: (o.s.) Gypsy! GYPSY: (o.s.) Sor... (Sound of tools falling.) CROW: (o.s.) Ow! MIKE: (looking to his right for most of the conversation, then turning back to Cambot) Anyway, the fan-fiction so far has the two cybercats thrown through dimensions thanks to the Pastmaster, and meet up with the sailor senshi, who give him a nice warm reception, complete with lighting effects... TOM: (o.s.) Are you sure this is going to work? CROW: (o.s.) Trust me, if a billion people can do it, so can we. TOM: (o.s.) I can't wait to try it, maybe we'll meet some famous people on the way. GYPSY: (o.s.) Like Richard Basehardt? (Sound of tools falling.) CROW: (o.s.) Just put the tools down, Gypsy. (Sound of a lot of tools falling.) CROW: (o.s.) Mmmf! MIKE: Crow, are you alright? TOM: (o.s.) He'll be fine, Mike. GYPSY: (o.s.) He didn't want my help, fine! I don't wanna be a pelican for this anyway! Hmmpf! MIKE: (turns back to Cambot) Just to finish up what I started. So now the SWAT Kats meet with both the Sailor Senshi and the (quotes with fingers) 'space sisters', who are the only new characters in this... And apparently, they had an encounter with the cybercats before... God knows why. TOM: (running in) Hey Mike, we're done! MIKE: That's great. What is it? TOM: Um... I don't know yet. I'll have to read the manual. (Light, buzzers, etc.) MIKE: Well, it doesn't matter, 'cause WE GOT MISTING SIGN! (He rushes off to his left.) TOM: Right with you, Mike! (follows Mike, then stops, and turns around) Crow, come on now! CROW: (o.s.) Mmmmf mmm mmm mmmf! TOM: I don't care if you're in a pile of tools, we got an experiment to finish! Hurry up! (He runs off.) (Door sequence) (Theater. Mike and Tom are in their seats already. Crow eventually comes in, but has something in his mouth.) CROW: Mmmf! (spits out the object) Patooey! Yuck, I hate the taste of monkey wrenches. > >> Later that night, MIKE: Does anyone feel a romantic interlude coming on? >> Razor was talking to Jennifer about how >>they would get home. TOM: A giant balloon comes to mind. >> They sat on both sides of the fire > >Tom: Which kill them. TOM: Well, more or less incinerates them into extra crispy cartoon characters... but sure, take the small approach. > >>talking. Moonshine was playing chess with T-Bone, and by the >>sound of it, she was losing. CROW: She used words even the author can't use in this fanfic. > >Tom: Playing with a cat.. TOM: (Katie) Here, have a mouse toy. > out all the things..this is most silly >thing, MIKE: No, I think the popularity of 'Greed' is the silliest thing. > I have every in control in fan-fiction or movie. TOM: Sorry to break the news to you, alter-me, but you can't control what the fanfic or movie does. CROW: La-la-la. > >>Stardust and Razor had figured that by finding some new power in >>the Sailor Scouts, they could use it to get home. TOM: Joy, a Sailor Scout gets a new power to play with today! Who's the lucky one? CROW: Five bucks say it's Stardust. MIKE: I'll bet on Moonshine. CROW: It's settled, then. > >Diana: YOU MUST BE NUTTER THEN DR. THINKER!!!!! CROW: So Dr. Thinker's a jar of Skippy? > > >> "I hope they can uncover it in time." Jennifer said. "Or >>else you might never get home." TOM: (Jennifer) Then we would make a slow crossover series... MIKE and CROW: No! > >Diana: (Serena) I don't wait Luna and Artemis, find you! CROW: What does that mean? >Crow: Hey, Razor and T-Bone can have sex with them. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Mike, are you stuttering your punctuation again? > >> "Yeah. I--ohh..." Razor had to support himself with his >>hands because he almost fell over. MIKE: Out of the frying pan and into the fire. How fitting. > >Tom: Don't you mean paws? TOM: Well, people would've thought Clawson meant feet instead if it was just 'paws'. CROW: Really? TOM: No. > > >> "Razor, are you okay? What's wrong?" She rushed to his >>side. MIKE: (Razor) It's you, stop rushing at my sides! Ow! >> "Yeah. It's just that Lita hit me with her lightning and >>then Serena the hyena zapped me with her crystal." CROW: So I take it Razor doesn't like lighting effects? > >Tom: That would zap anyone super-hero's power. TOM: The Sailor Scouts have the power of Kryptonite! > > >> "Oh, yeah, I've been there." MIKE: We all know how it feels to be electrocuted at least once in our lifetime. >> She recalled how before Katie >>and her had met the Sailor Scouts, CROW: As if it were yesterday... MIKE: Oh no, don't bring the flashbacks into this! >> she had first been attacked >>by Queen Barrell's henchmen. CROW: Queen who? TOM: It's Beryl's distant cousin! Aww, aren't families wonderful? > >Diana: That's suppose to Beryl! What you are stupid? TOM: You know, that riff doesn't seem right somehow. How can I put it nicely? No wait, I can't. > > >> Then, when Amy found her next to the bodies, MIKE: There were bodies? >> she thought >>Stardust was the evil one CROW: (Jennifer) I was framed! It wasn't me, it was the gray-clad man! >> and practically killed her with her >>powers. TOM: So, why is Jennifer alive then? Resurrected? Cloned? > >Tom: What is heck is going on? >Crow: Beat the living day out of me! CROW: I just want the living night left in me to stay. >Diana: Bite me! CROW: Really? Well, if you insist... shall I start with the Twizzler? MIKE: Crow... CROW: (whining) But she insisted! > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >>~~~~ TOM: (singing) Everybody gone surfing... surfing USA... > >Tom: The crack is holding back!!! CROW: Quick, get the Mono! > >>Okay, this actually happened! (All laugh in hysterics.) TOM: Yeah, suuure it did! CROW: Five teenaged girls with big eyeballs have magic powers and fight for justice in modern-day Japan! Yeah, that's rich! MIKE: Not to mention we have human-like cyberkitties walking around in the country too. >> Me and my friend Juliana wrote a >>comic book that introduced these characters. ALL: Oh. TOM: Well, it could be worse. They could've said sailor scouts are commonplace in the Japanese military. CROW: And this would be worse in what way? >> If you want an >>issue, tough beans! MIKE: Last thing we need is something similar to 'The Mobius Chronicles'. > >Tom: She must have chil for dinner the night before. TOM: That's the secret to fanfic writing? Have chili the night before? CROW: That would explain all those rushed fanfics. > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >>~~~~ CROW: (southern accent) Time to whack us some snakes! Yee haw! > >Tom: The crack is acting like a yo-yo!!! TOM: Mike, is he talking about drugs? MIKE: I don't know. > Be careful, you might >break your cyber-mother back. CROW: Um, okay, I'll take that advice into consideration... TOM: If I had eyebrows, I would raise them. > >> She then started to worry about Razor--more so than she did >>before. MIKE: Before, she really didn't care if the cat was used as roadkill. > >Diana: That's Sailor Scout for you! CROW: Worrywarts. > > >> "I'll be fine." Razor said. TOM: (Razor) Worry about important things, like that portal you seem to have abandoned? > >Tom: As if! >Diana: Now you are Alice Sliverstone! MIKE: I guess by now it's safe to guess that they are referring to Alicia Silverstone. CROW: Yep. TOM: (singing) She is literally the Polaroid of... MIKE and CROW: No. >Tom: (Charile Brown) Good grief. TOM: Tribute to Charles Schultz. We'll miss you and your wacky characters. > > > >> "Guys!!" Ray ran into the room. "Malacite's attacking the >>city!" MIKE: So the fourth and final henchmen of Beryl's forces is in this, huh? CROW: Would you rather have Jaedite? MIKE: Point taken. >> We've got to get there!" TOM: So the guy's attacking the city in general or is he raiding specific areas? CROW: (Malachite) I have a bone to pick with the Tokyo mayor. I'm gonna raid his country cottage later. But first, some senseless violence! > >Tom: Action, finially!!! MIKE: Given some track records of the worse fanfics we watched, I wouldn't be so happy to see fight scenes anytime soon. > >> Stardust leapt to her feet and followed Ray. Razor got up >>and followed. CROW: Everyone else became isolationist and decided not to get involved. > >Mike: Get real. TOM: Mike got real and followed. CROW: Servo got bent and followed. MIKE: Crow got sick and stayed behind. > > >> The group ran down the streets towards city hall. CROW: What do you know? He does have a bone to pick with the mayor! >> As all >>of them ran down alleys, MIKE: They eventually decided to take the freeway instead. CROW: Why alleys? Are they afraid to be seen in public? TOM: When you're in a sailor fuku, you'll know, Crow. >> Razor had to stop and fell behind. >>T-Bone stopped and waited. TOM: (T-Bone) I can't cross the street without my buddy! > >Diana: He was killed by a youma!!!! TOM: A Native American living along the Colorado River killed him? MIKE: That's 'Yuma', Tom, and watch what you say. TOM: Sorry, I'll be good now. > >> He wasn't hit as long as Razor was and he was also stronger as >>well. CROW: It's as if the two things are connected somehow. MIKE: Let's not jump to conclusions. >> "Buddy, are you going to be all right?" TOM: (Razor) Oh, I'm just heading head first into a dangerous situation while I'm in immense pain... yep, everything is going to be JUST fine! > >Tom: (Razor) No, I think I'm dead. CROW: The corpse speaks. TOM: Razor IS Bernie in "Weekend at Bernie's III: Another pointless gathering"! > > >> "Yeah, keep going." T-Bone shrugged and ran off. MIKE: (T-Bone) Ah, screw him, he's a bore. >> Razor >>then followed. He had to keep up, or he would lose them. He >>caught his breath slowly. CROW: Sneaking up on it and nabbing it with his net. > >Mike: He miss a breath and quicky died. TOM: Oh no, poor Quicky! (Mike and Crow groan.) > > >> Seven girls and one SWAT Kat CROW: Who is not gender-specific... >> ran up to the steps of city >>hall. A crack of lightning and a clash of thunder and there >>stood Malacite. ALL: Hi Malachite! >> He was back, big and bad and twice as ugly. MIKE: Woah, that's one big zit you got there, Malachite. > >Diana: The writer does like Malachite. TOM: (Diana) She's playing hard-to-get. Rworr! >Mike: No kidding. > >>His stringy white hair looked like spider webs CROW: A closer look and you'll note that they ARE spider webs. TOM: (Malachite) Like my new toupee? > >Tom: It's blue. TOM: (singing) Da-ba-dee da-ba-di, da-ba-deeee, da-ba-di... > >>and his ugly gray cape flew behind him. MIKE: So, he's ugly? TOM: I think so. >> He held up his hands >>and threw a big ball of magic towards the group. MIKE: Alright! No introduction scene! BOTS: Woo hoo! >> They all dodged >>the shot and T-Bone fired his Glovatrix at the figure. TOM: Throwing a glove of cereal didn't effect Malachite, who countered with his Glovabricks. CROW: Ouch, that's gotta hurt! >> It went >>straight through him! All five Sailor Scouts and the two Space >>Sisters fired magic at the figure. Malacite seemed to be >>invincible as he dodged and deflected all of their shots. CROW: Hmm, that's a nice pattern... shoot, dodge, shoot, dodge, shoot, dodge. MIKE: Well, that's basically the whole fight scene there. > >Mike: (Malachite) Today, we be the greastest day of Nega-Verse >history!!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! MIKE: It's the Nega-verse's 2,000,000,000th anniversary! TOM: I'm not blowing out the candles on that cake! >Crow: You mean to get out more! >Mike: I can't, becuase of that mad man, Dr. Forrester. CROW: That never stopped us before... Servo, throw Mike out the airlock. TOM: Roger. MIKE: Hey! BOTS: Kidding! > >> He swooped down and surrounded them in a ball. TOM: Hey, now he's got some Poke-senshi. MIKE: (Malachite) Sailor Moon, I choose you! (All snicker.) >> Stardust >>dodged the shot ALL: Huh? >> and fell into a tree. ALL: (singing) Star-dust, Stardust the senshi, watch out for that tree! >> While Malacite was >>heading towards the frantic group enveloped in the ball of TOM: Ectoplasm. CROW: They've been slimed! > >Mike: I guess Serena must be making her voice that it could > wake the dead. MIKE: Hey, great idea! Get the nearby pet cemetery to do the dirty work for them! > > >>magic, Stardust took the opportunity to pounce on him. (All make cat hisses and scratching sounds.) >> He >>sensed her coming and whirled around. He caught Stardust in >>mid-air and threw her down with a zap of lightning. CROW: And a dash of oregano. >> She lay on >>the ground, dazed. > >Tom: We are dazed and confuse! TOM: Starring Jason London, Rory Cochrane, Joey Lauren Adams, and Sasha Jensen. >Crow: Who write this, Dr. Thinker? >Diana: Hey! (Tom hums a little Russian ditty.) MIKE and CROW: (Raising their hands ala Russian dance.) Hey! > >> As she regained her senses, Malacite approached her. He lifted >>his hand, preparing to wipe her out with a single blast. TOM: What is this? A silent movie? No witty 'good-bye, foolish scout' messages? > >Tom: You will be more then space dust!!!! CROW: Well, that rules out nothing, specifically. > >> A deafening crack rung through the air, as Malacite fell to >>the ground. MIKE: His pants ripped. TOM: (Malachite) I feel so embarrassed. Don't come any closer! > >Tom: Like a ton of Dr. Thinker. TOM: Which is lighter, a ton of feathers or a ton of Dr. Thinker? MIKE: Um... >Diana: After they ate tons of plates CROW: (Dr. Thinker) That's some good china! > of pizza. > > >> Razor stood there, breathing hard. "Lights out, pal." He >>dropped the huge stick he was holding, CROW: The image portrayed here is tempting, isn't it? MIKE: Yep. >> and helped Stardust to >>her feet. > >Tom: Like the wind. TOM: That must be one strong wind. > > >> "Thanks, Razor." She gave Razor a small peck on the cheek. CROW: (Stardust) Ack! Excuse me! Gack! Furball... >>Razor blushed and opened his mouth to say something, CROW: (Razor) I wet 'em. >> but before >>he could get a sound out, he was ripped away from Stardust TOM: Well, he got a sound out, alright. CROW: Oh, Razor, you shouldn't use just a glue stick. They don't work that well. >> and >>thrown to the ground by a very ticked-off Malacite. After > >Tom: NEVER TICK OFF A NEGA-VERSE WARRIOR!!!!! TOM: (Lorien) They're more powerful than you can possibly imagine. > >>zapping Stardust to the ground, he walked up to Razor, who was >>struggling to regain his breath. MIKE: His breath regaining average remains at .106, a franchise low. >> Malacite hoisted up Razor by >>the collar CROW: His flea collar? >> and his arm lit with hot energy. TOM: (Malachite) Time to warm up my Eggo! >> The energy >>travelled up his arm and it finally reached Razors body and he >>practically glowed with electricity. CROW: That's a lovely light show, Malachite. Hey, can you fix my Christmas lights? > >Tom: Like that of dark black version of Jutiper's lighting. CROW: Oh, nevermind. Too dark. > >> T-Bone was desperately trying to bust out of his prison, but MIKE: He didn't have his free 'Get out of Jail' card. >>all his strength was just giving him bruises. While he only >>continued to injure himself, Moonshine watched helplessly as her >>partner was thrown to the ground by that scum. TOM: (Moonshine) If only I had a Swiffer sweeper. > >Tom: Ouch!!! CROW: Ouch? That's it? Servo? Is your riffing repertoire getting smaller? TOM: Yes... yes it is... (Canned laughter fills the theater.) MIKE: That wasn't funny. CROW: Maybe that's why there was canned laughter. > >> Razor lay in almost a fetal position on the ground. MIKE: Well, isn't that a nice image? CROW: I'll say, is Razor going to be reborn as a space baby? >> He >>watched through his blurry vision as Malacite raised an arm and >>prepared for another blow. TOM: But it was really Stardust who was preparing the final blow. CROW: (Razor) Why is he wearing a skirt? > >Tom: That kill her. MIKE: Razor's a her? That changes everything in this fic. > >> Suddenly Malacite was lifted off the ground TOM: Oh no... MIKE: Maybe the author meant to say Malachite floated off the ground and was preparing for an aerial final blow. TOM: Forget it, Nelson. We have yet another plot contrivance. >> and carried up into >>the air and dropped. TOM: They're killing him with a forklift! > >Tom: Like a 10 ton of cars. >Crow: That's get to hurt. > >> Inside the bubble, TOM: That reminds me of Bubble Bobble! >> Moonshine and T-bone watched in awe as >>Stardust lit CROW: Her very first Cuban cigar. TOM: Aww, they grow up so... what the? >> with fury and lifted the villain off the ground. >>"Oh, no..." Moonshine said, sounding angry. CROW: Ha, I win the bet! Pay up! (Mike grumbles as he gets his wallet to pay Crow.) CROW: I'm rich! Rich I tells ya! > >Tom: What going on here? TOM: Wouldn't you like to know? > >> "What's wrong?" T-Bone asked. MIKE: You could say this whole fanfic, but that would be too easy. > >Crow: Looks like a bad reason is going to happen here! > > >> "She's not supposed to do that. CROW: (Moonshine) She's godmodding! That's not fair! TOM: Hey, life ain't fair... even if this isn't real life here. >> She could hurt herself. >>Stardust is what you would call MIKE: The real hero of the show. >> an Space-Senshi. (All snicker.) >> Extremely >>powerful abilities. She's only used them once or twice before. CROW: Sure, Moonshine... riiiight. TOM: Why is it that fanfic authors make extremely powerful characters but try to give us the impression that they are used only rarely? MIKE: To have some form of credibility in the fanfic. CROW: Credibility? Ha! That's the last thing I would expect. > >Crow: That's you fan-seshi for you, dangerous powers!!!! CROW: Um... yeah, whatever you say, alter-me. TOM: (falsetto) Direct your riffs to the wall, please? > > >>Only in desperate situations. Well, we've won. Not even >>Malacite can stand up to that." TOM: (Moonshine) Wilt Chamberlain though? Hmmm... >> She watched as Malacite >>exploded into thin air and disappeared. MIKE: Well, there's yet another continuity error. TOM: Mike, this thing IS a continuity error. >> The bubbles around them >>popped and as Ray, Amy, and Moonshine ran up to Stardust, she >>had already fell to her knees. Lita, Mina, and T-Bone ran up to >>Razor. Sailor Moon stayed behind. She was still a tad >>frightened. CROW: Gee, talk about over-doing your character. TOM: She's still scared of the cybercats? Come on, Serena, pull yourself together! > >Tom: Like a weak cartoon mouse is too a cartoon cat. MIKE: So Serena's Jerry from 'Tom and Jerry'? > >> Razor pushed himself up and held his throbbing head. His >>instillation-coated suit had blocked most of the electricity. CROW: It certainly came in handy last time when Sailor Jupiter zapped him senseless. >>Other than that, he was just startled. > >Tom: Like when he first learn of Dark Kat. TOM: And when he got his first electric bill. > > >> Stardust was still pretty weak. MIKE: The author's lying through the keyboard! TOM: Even Superman is weak compared to her. Sheesh! >> Her outburst had taken a >>lot out of her. CROW: My sympathies, for one. > >Tom: Like water taking out 10 thousand volt monster in Scoody- >Doo. TOM: Monster? Don't they mean 'disgruntled person in getup'? CROW: Same thing. > >> As they helped her up, she managed to force out words. TOM: Unfortunately, the words were in Esperanto, so no one understood her. >> "Is-is >>R-Razor Okay?" CROW: Well, for someone who's been electrocuted, he's pretty good. > >Tom: No. (All watch in silence, then...) TOM: Wow. MIKE: That's my favorite riff. CROW: Hey, I'm getting a weird sense of reverse deja vu. Something about Kefka and Final Fantasy 5... nah, must be me. > > >> "He's fine." T-Bone wandered over. "Just dazed." > >Tom: And confused. MIKE: The riff was nice, so they did it twice! > >> "Okay. Good." CROW: (Mr. Burns) Excellent! > >Tom: Great Scott, what next, Sailor Moon meets MIB? CROW: Cool, secret agents wearing sailor fukus. TOM: If that ever happens, do NOT bring in Will Smith... or worse, Tommy Lee Jones. MIKE: I don't know, that might make for good comedy. (The 'bots stare at Mike.) MIKE: Maybe not. > >>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >>~~~~ MIKE: The pulse of this fanfic still goes strong. Strange. >> >> The next few weeks consisted of fixing the jet. TOM: And building the new Chevy pick-up. (Crow does a Tim Allen grunt.) >> Razor only >>did a little work because he was still weak from thier little >>quarrell with the villain of the story. MIKE: Or so they all thought! TOM: (Razor) Woo hoo! One week of doing nothing! > >Tom: Until Starshine kill him. CROW: She killed Razor? TOM: I think I meant the villain. CROW: Who knows? > >> As the jet prepared to fly through the portal Sailor Moon >>had managed to squeeze out of her crystal, MIKE: The crystal makes portals too? TOM: (Announcer) It slices, it dices, it makes space anomalies and plot devices! >> the groups were >>exchanging good-byes. CROW: I'll trade you Billy Crystal's good-bye for Gene Kelly's. MIKE: No deal. CROW: Awww. > >Tom: For good. TOM: I haven't exchanged good-byes for evil yet. Hmm... > > >>The SWAT Kats said Thank-you to the Sailor Scouts and then they >>walked over to Stardust and Moonshine. MIKE: Who were signing their contracts to star in more fanfics. BOTS: Nooooooo! > >Tom: Like they were chain to steaks. CROW: (Homer Simpson) Mmmmmm... steaks. > > >> T-Bone gave hugs to both of them MIKE: (letter writer) Sincerely, T-Bone. OO... >> and Moonshine gave him a >>kiss on the cheek. MIKE: (letter writer) X. CROW: (Moonshine) Great, now I got cat drool on my face. Yuck! > >Diana: (T-Bone) Weird human world here. TOM: (Diana) He's biting her lip! CROW: I guess Diana wasn't programmed for such human qualities. > >> He turned bright red and looked at Razor, who was laughing at >>him--he could just tell. MIKE: (T-Bone) It was either that or he had an anxiety attack. >> He elbowed him and jumped into the >>jet. TOM: (T-Bone) I call dibs on the front seat! CROW: (Razor) No fair! > >Tom: (T-Bone) Get it the cockpit, Razor! CROW: Ah, I KNEW they forgot something to put in! > >> Razor gave Moonshine a small hug and turned to Stardust. MIKE: (Razor) Come give your old man a BIG hug! >>She gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. As he tried to >>hold back blushing, TOM: Use make-up to cover that blush! >> he handed her a small communicator. "You >>can use it...if I ever come back." CROW: I sense some crummy foreshadowing here. > >Tom: Weird. >Diana: No kidding? >Mike: No kidding! ALL: No Schick, Sherlock! > > >> "Thanks... You'd better get going. It looks like that >>portal can't hold up for much longer." MIKE: Well, this fanfic was pretty much pointless. TOM: Yep, and the author didn't tell us HOW they managed to come to the conclusion of sending the SWAT Kats back through the portal. >> They stood there for a >>minute and hugged one more time. CROW: Woah, that was one awkward pause. > >Tom: I going to explore if I stand her forever!!! TOM: That sounds like fun! Shall we explore the depths of the SOL, Nelson? MIKE: Later, Tom, later. > >> As the jet headed towards the portal, the communicator in >>Stardust's hands crackled to life. CROW: Stardust just hatched a baby communicator! How cute! >> "Stardust?--Stardust, come >>in." > >Tom: It work! TOM: And past the maximum range, too! > >> "Razor?" >> "Yeah. Listen, before I go through that thing, I just >>wanted to say that I--well, I--" MIKE: (dryly) Oh, the suspense is killing me. When will he confess his love? TOM: About the same time Niles confesses to Daphne. CROW: 7 years? > >Crow: I wish to have sex with you. CROW: Oh thanks. Now people think I'm desperate. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: Oh thanks. Now people think I'm one-dimensional. > > >> "Yeah, I know what you're going to say. Thank-you for >>saving my life. Well, same to you." ALL: (muted trumpet) Wah-wah-waaaaaah... > >Tom: I hate long good-byes. CROW: I wish we had a fast-forward button on this thing. TOM: And maybe an erase button. > >> "No. That's not what I was going to say---" Before he >>could finish, any further communications were cut off as they >>vanished through the portal. TOM: Ohhhh, rejected! > >Tom: Like Magic. CROW: Magic? I thought you said bacon. > >> "I know." Stardust said sadly, as she stuffed the gift in >>her pocket. MIKE: She'll just stuff it under the bed later. >> "But that's the way it has to be." TOM: (Stardust) I can interfere in two or more shows, but I'm not getting romantically involved with one of the characters. CROW: Well, at least she's not Oscar. TOM: Give her brownie points for that. > >Tom: Oh, brother TOM: Brother Mike? MIKE: Yes? TOM: Not you. MIKE: Oh. > >> "Waaaaahhhhh!" Serena wailed. ALL: AAAAAAAH! TOM: You still here? Quit whining! >> "I hate sad Good-byes!!" >>She continued to cry as all the girls just sighed in irritation. CROW: And we add sweatdrops for special effect. >> "Sailor Mooooon..." (All laugh.) TOM: Is that a wolf cry or just bad speech? YOU decide! >> Sailor Mars groaned. > >Crow: Let's just pay for no end notes. MIKE: They have Cliff Notes for fanfics? We should've stocked up on those years ago! TOM: Oh yeah, like the guys can try to simplify these stories... > > > >> THE END (All cheer.) TOM: One down, one to go. > > >Crow: Let's get out of here. CROW: Yes, let's. >Diana: No can do. CROW: What? >Crow: Why note? CROW: Yeah? Why not? >Diana: The door are not open yet. CROW: Gee, I wonder why. > >> --aaannnd...DONE! CROW: Ah, phooey. We jumped the gun. MIKE: Well, it could be worse. We may do it more than once. >> I finished this in two days! Can you >Crow: ARRRRRRRRRRRGHH!! CROW: As a matter of fact, yes. ALL: ARRRRRRRRRRRGHH! >Diana: Two days, no wonder. TOM: Two days? Pff! I've seen authors who write fan-fiction and don't finish until half a year. CROW: What's worse, they STILL bite. > How stupid, is she? >Crow: 50 on the scale of 1-10. MIKE: (Crow) Oops, forgot to carry the 1. > > >>beleive it? Pretty sad ending isn't it? TOM: Actually, it was pretty dull. CROW: None of the good guys died in this fic... and Clawson calls it a sad ending? TOM: No, Crow. That IS the reason why it's a sad ending. CROW: You got a point. >> Before I go, I just >>want to say Thank-you to Juliana for introducing me to the >>wonderful cartoon that is Sailor Moon. CROW: Thank you Juliana. Thank you so bloody much! > >Tom: You get to be sick! MIKE: I call influenza! CROW: Chicken pox for me! >Crow: May she is a Moonie. (All snicker.) TOM: At least fans of Star Trek are called better names than 'Moonie'. >Tom: I have see anything she want on Sailor Moon pages. > > > >>I would also like to thank my brother, Ryan, for being the only >>one that hasn't made fun of me for liking the SWAT Kats. CROW: (Clawson) Well, not at least in front of me. >> So >>what if it's only for kids 7-10? MIKE: (Clawson) Being 6 doesn't make me any less of a kid! > >Tom: That is the total of Dr. Thinker and his author combined. TOM: In age or millimeters? >Crow: Which one is Dr. Thinker and what one is author of his >stupid fan-fiction. MIKE: Well, each one of them is 1, while the remaining 5-8 are in reserve. >Tom: Beat me! TOM: Beat me good! CROW: (shuddering) Sonic Fan... the horror. >Crow: If I could, I would tongue you. MIKE: Are we all lizards or something? > > > >> I love it!! So there!! You can all CHOKE if you don't like >>it!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Well... that was... odd. TOM: Choke? We're not playing basketball... oh, THAT. >> (sorry. I sort of spazed out there.) Bye now! >>E-mail me! MIKE: You sure? Crow can be very dangerous when sending e-mails. CROW: I am not a crackpot! > > >Tom: I going to find her e-mail and send her two million virius >to her computer!! CROW: Threatening to send viruses? That's a low blow there. > >> -Calico Clawson > >Tom: Clawson has been killing by Dark Kat. > >> P.S. Even though my screen name is JonCh, I'm a girl! >>As if some of you thought a boy wrote a Sailor Moon story. >>Wierdo's. MIKE: Isn't that discrimination against men? TOM: Nah, not in the age of cooties. > >Tom: They are lots of boys who write fan-fiction (All slowly turn their heads towards Cambot.) TOM: (deep voice) We know who you are... (They all slowly turn their heads back to the screen.) >Diana: Oscar >Tom: Mark Latus >Diana: Sean Graffy >Crow: David Foxfire >Mike: And Dr. Thinker. CROW: (Announcer) Just one of the many faces you'll find at your local fan- fiction vault! >Diana: And many more. Let's blow his burger stand. MIKE: Dr. Thinker has a burger stand? >Mike: I will you! TOM: Will what her? MIKE: Dismember? Disapprove? What? > >(Theater....5..4...3..2..1...0] MIKE: It feels odd looking at the door sequence. CROW: Yeah, I feel a sense of disorder. > >[SOL] >(Mike, and the bots are talking. MIKE: We never shut up, do we? TOM: Nope. > The SOL gets something) CROW: (SOL) A gift! For me? Aw, you shouldn't have! > >Mike: What going on. Get me ROCKET NUMBER #9! TOM: Sorry Mike, we're giving you rocket number seven instead. MIKE: Dang. > >(A big pod floats into the load pan) TOM: Is Joel in there? > >[Load Pan] > >Mike: Let's see what inside. MIKE: What is this? A Kinder Surprise? > >(Mike opens it, and out floats a spell crystral) > >Mike: What is that? MIKE: A spell crystral, whatever that is. TOM: I wonder if they'll use the pod to get home? CROW: Nah. > >(The crystral takes in a girl voice..Sailor Moon voice) TOM: You better not be wailing! > >Voice: Hi. I'm the leader of the Sailor Scout. ALL: Hi leader of the Sailor Scout! > We been getting >weird story and crossover the big "Moon Scepter Elimation", so to >speak. We been on the work out for "When Heros Collide" becomes >it is dangerous. This crystral will be award to for not liking >it. It contain all of SME, some great Crossovers, some good games >and other stupid. Even some universe based on Manga. Don't weird, >it can find it way to the correct idea location. Enjoy!" (All just stare.) MIKE: What... TOM: the... CROW: heck... MIKE: was... TOM: that... CROW: about? > >(The crystral floats out of the room) CROW: And into Servo's bedroom. TOM: Hey! Don't go in there! > >Tom: What do you think? MIKE: You know what we think. > >[DEEP 13] > >[We see Sailor Jutiper fighting again. CROW: EEP! (He hides in his seat.) MIKE: Crow? CROW: (semi-muffled) Get her away from me! She might attack at any moment! MIKE: Crow, there is no way she's gonna hit you. CROW: (popping his head out) She isn't? MIKE: No. CROW: Oh, okay. (Gets back to his position.) > Dr. Thinker is holding a >disc] > >Sailor Jutiper: Give me that disc! TOM: What information is on that? MIKE: A Julia Roberts/Sailor Moon crossover. CROW: Uhhh... weird. >Dr. Thinker: Never! >Sailor Jutiper: Remember my power! TOM: Jupiter, you can zap things! >Dr. Thinker: No. >Sailor Jutiper: Here's a reminder! JUTIPER THUNDER ZAP!!!! (All feel the wrath of Jupiter's thunder zap. Don't ask why.) TOM: Ow. (Mike coughs.) CROW: Won't hit us, huh? > >(Dr. Thinker falls down on the couch) (All somewhat recover. Again, don't ask why.) TOM: That was confusing. CROW: Quite. > >Sailor Jutiper: (Takes the disc) My work is done! MIKE: (Jupiter) Now time for me to commit genocide! > >(On the way out, she hits the button!) CROW: (button) Owie! > > > > >\ | / > OOO > OOO >/ | \ TOM: Look out! A Shadow vessel approaches! > >Dr. Thinker: (voice) That's one power lady in green. CROW: (shuddering) I just realized that's Forrester's color. > >THE END. ALL: (Chicken) End! > > >If you MIKE: Argh! Again? > thought the end was similar to end of one of Mega-Zone 6.7 >end. You are not mistake. TOM: You are checkmark. CROW: Mega-Zone? Boy, I wouldn't wanna meet the henchmen of THAT zone. > I need why of making something find. >Sailor Jutiper replaces Shampoo and Dr. Thinker replaces Dr. >Forrester. MIKE: And TV's Quincy replaces TV's Frank. > Sorry, Mega-Zone 6.7. TOM: Hey, he apologized! CROW: Good, now apologize to everyone else. > >The end. ALL: Phew! > >See you around ALL: AAAAAAAAH! TOM: Enough, end it! >Dr. Thinker MIKE: Also known as Dr. T. TOM: (Dr. T) I pity the fool who don't get silly! > >> Razor stood there, breathing hard. "Lights out, pal." He >>dropped the huge stick he was holding, and helped Stardust to >>her feet. TOM: NOW can we go? MIKE: No, I think there's still more. > > > > > > CROW: Waiting. > > > > > > > CROW: Still waiting. > > > > > > > > CROW: What the heck is going on? TOM: I think the misting's busted. > > > > MIKE: Until now, I thought watching the misting was bad enough. TOM: Well, at least we don't have anything from Dr. Thinker. CROW: We don't have anything from anybody here! > > > > TOM: You know, we could just move on. CROW: I'll see if the door will open. (He leaves view.) > > > > TOM: So, Mike? How's life? MIKE: Um, okay, I guess. TOM: Good, good. > > > > TOM: How about them Packers? MIKE: Uh... I don't care. TOM: Crow. CROW: (off-screen) Thing won't budge! We're stuck! MIKE: Well, come back here, Crow. Maybe there's something at the end. > > (Crow gets back to his seat.) > > > > > > > (All make cricket noises.) > > > > > > TOM: Not since 'Monster A Go-Go' have the credits been THIS boring! > > > > CROW: (Golf announcer) He's putting for a birdie and the win! > > > > > > TOM: Let's see if this works... -30- > > TOM: Nothing. > > > > > > CROW: It's difficult here when you're riffing nothing. > > > > TOM: Anyone wanna watch the grass grow? It's more exciting than this. > > > > MIKE: For your own sakes, people at home, scroll down. Don't worry about us. > > > > CROW: I feel like a nuclear explosion is coming up. TOM: You wish. > > > > > > MIKE: Hey, stop reading and scroll down! > > MIKE: You can do more than that! > > MIKE: Try a page down. > > > > TOM: Hey, they're still reading? CROW: Do you want us to come after you? Do what Mike says! Please? TOM: We'll be your friends! > > CROW: We'll cook and clean! > > TOM: We'll do your homework! CROW: I can't do math, though. Don't give me math! > > TOM: Just scroll down. MIKE: Maybe if we shut up, they'll scroll down. TOM: Let's see. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > TOM: It's not working. CROW: Nothing to see here! Nothing! Just unnecessary spaces! > > MIKE: Think of this as a good opportunity to take a bathroom break. > > > > MIKE: They're still here. CROW: You guys don't give up, do you? > > > > TOM: And the screen is still blank. CROW: Maybe Dr. Thinker was writing his biography... but couldn't think of what to write. So he used blank paper instead and a neat cover page! > > > > TOM: Are we there yet? MIKE: No. > > > > TOM: Are we there yet? MIKE: No! > > > > TOM: Are we there yet? MIKE: NO! > > > > TOM: Are we... MIKE: Yes, we are here. Finally. TOM: Well, that was rather pointless. CROW: Let's get out of here before we get more unnecessary space. (The screen stops, and then starts up again.) TOM: What the? Oh no. There's more? MIKE: I'm gonna get Dr. Forrester for this! > Robotnik CROW: What the heck? Is this a Sonic fanfic? TOM: I don't know. MIKE: Must be something new. Hold tight, guys. > got dressed in his usual attire CROW: A blue Victorian dress with a girdle and some matching heels. > and went to his office; he >looked at the monitors. MIKE: So Robotnik's a security guard? > The SWATBots are working as usual, he thought, CROW: (menacing voice) But that's what the SWATBots want him to think! They're planning a coup! TOM: Please, they can't even hit Robotnik with that aim of theirs. > and >the robotication process is on schedule, TOM: Isn't it roboticization? CROW: Who cares what it is? It's just technobabble. > yet I still feel, MIKE: The author decides to speak his or her opinion. > as if none of >this matters. CROW: Isn't that Sonic's SA theme? 'None of this matters'? TOM: Close, but no RAM chip. > I should be proud of myself, controlling almost all of Mobius. MIKE: Except for a teeny weeny forest that he hasn't even bothered to go in. >But he was not proud enough; he wanted more, more land, more factories, >just more. TOM: But all he really wanted was a Klondike bar. > "Snively!" CROW: (Robotnik) Give me 50 cc's of food, stat! > he yelled. That useless bag of flesh, TOM: Ew, Snively's a flesh-bag? CROW: Well, I know he's a punching bag, but... > he thought, even he >can't cheer me up. MIKE: Um, is this the same Snively? Nasal voice, big nose, attitude problem, real shrimp? > Then again, why do I need cheering up? TOM: (Robotnik) I have my anti-depressants, after all. > Snively arrived quickly, holding something behind him. CROW: Oh God, that better not be a rose. TOM: If this is a Robotnik/Snively romance plot I'm gonna be sick. > Robotnik took notice, "What is that thing behind you," he said. MIKE: I thought it was a question. > "What thing, sir," it was clear Snively was sweating. CROW: (Snively) I don't know how to start this... where did my proposal note go? > "I don't have time for this," he mumbled. He turned towards his >assistant, grabbed him by the neck and lifted him. MIKE: (Robotnik/Vader) Where are the plans? > Snively's reaction was >all Robotnik wanted TOM: The reaction was obvious... dull surprise! CROW: Nah, it's death by strangling. > as Snively showed a little report. CROW: (Snively) Ah, there's my proposal note! Give it here. > Robotnik took the report and threw Snively down. MIKE: Hey, quit littering on private property! Oh, it's Snively. > Reading it, his >hopes were going up. TOM: (Robotnik) A crummy fanfic to send up? Excellent! CROW: Oh great, another crossover. > "Snively," he said calmly, "I'm quite impressed. CROW: (Robotnik) But I will not marry you. > For once in >your insignificant life you've done something." TOM: (Robotnik) With this recipe, I'll finally win that annual bake-off! > "It is not quite to it potential, sir," CROW: It potential? No, it bologna. > he said, "we can only pull >things from time with it." ALL: Uh oh... no... > "A time machine," ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! > Robotnik said, "I want to test it first." ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TOM: Could it get any worse? MIKE: It IS worse, Tom. Two time-travel plot devices in one day. > "Now?" CROW: (Robotnik) No, the 1950s. I wanna bring back Elvis, the young one, not the old one. > "You heard me, or is that skull of yours still cracked?" MIKE: Skull? I thought he was a flesh-bag. > "Yes, sir," he said. Snively was going to tell Robotnik that the >machine took lots of experiments. TOM: And it took a lot of animals with it. CROW: 23 guinea pigs, 50 rats, 4 monkeys, and an emu. > If it were to be destroyed without the >making of plans, it would be hard to build it again. MIKE: So Snively just built it on the fly? TOM: (Snively, dully) This is a time machine... whee... > His loss, he thought, >that robust... MIKE: Come on, Snively. Get to the part where you commit mutiny. TOM: Snively? Mutiny? That's like saying Roger Corman can make good movies. > "Well, move it!" Snively was interrupted by Robotnik's voice. CROW: But it was really Sally who said it. TOM: Where are the Freedom Fighters, anyway? (The screen stops, and a sound of opening doors is heard.) ALL: ... run away! Run away! Run away! (They dash out of the theater so they wouldn't have to see more) (Door sequence) (SOL-Bridge. Mike and the 'bots are in their respective positions. A little switch is shown to the left of Mike.) CROW: That was one weird experiment. TOM: I'll say, not only did we get a boring ending to the fanfic 'When Worlds Collide', not to mention that the ending to that misting by Dr. Thinker was bad enough... (takes a breath) but we also had to suffer a couple of pages of nothing and a sneak peak at some Sonic fanfic we don't know. MIKE: Which also had time-travel involved. TOM: Don't remind us. CROW: Speaking of time machines, Mike, could you throw that switch over there? MIKE: Um, alright. (He throws the switch, and a swirling blue portal appears to the left of Tom.) TOM: Hey, it works! MIKE: Um, guys? What's going on? CROW: Oh, we just built our own time machine. TOM: We ordered from Amazon.com and got it quicker than you can say 'Mitchell'! MIKE: Um, guys, the last thing I want is to be in another crossover. CROW: Relax, Mike. It'll be fun! MIKE: Do you know where it will go? And how we get back? CROW: Um, no... but it's gotta be better than this! MIKE: I've watched 'Sliders', Crow. Things can be worse than this. TOM: Oh, don't be a chicken, Mike. Take a leap of faith... watch me! (He jumps at the portal, but for some reason the portal doesn't allow him in, so he jumps through and falls on the floor.) Ow! Nothing happened. CROW: That's odd... hey, something's coming in on the hexfield. MIKE: Oh... (They all look to the hexfield and see someone who looks almost like Mary Jo Pehl. She's wearing a security guard uniform with weird-looking badges, and a headspeaker.) GUARD: This is the time-travel police here. What are you trying to pull? MIKE: Um, nothing, sir... um, miss... um. CROW: I'll handle this, Mike. We didn't do anything that caused any harm. GUARD: Oh really? Then how come you were violating Article 50 Paragraph 1 of the time-travel code? (All just stare, confused.) GUARD: (sighs) "No sentient being should create and use a time machine without proper consent from the Universal Time-Travel Commission." Didn't they teach you this at school? CROW: Um, not really... GUARD: You must be from Earth then. TOM: As a matter of fact, we are. GUARD: Figures. MIKE: So time-travel's been regulated? GUARD: Oh yeah, the governments from several far-off planets have passed legislation regulating it. It was the biggest political issue for its time. You know, ever since some guy named H.G. Wells started travelling through time, people on our edge of the universe have been flying through so much it started to interfere with everyone's history. I mean, even the little kids were altering history. Sure, they all said it was imagination, but even it was getting out of hand. CROW: Wow, revisionism rears its ugly head. TOM: So now we can't go through time? GUARD: Well, you don't have the authorization papers, so no. But, since you are from Earth, which doesn't know anything about this, I'll just give you a warning. MIKE: Well thanks, Officer. I'm sorry we violated universal rules. GUARD: That's alright. Just don't do it again. (The portal vanishes.) GUARD: Now if you excuse me, I have to go. There's another soccer riot between two planets and they're threatening war. I gotta get my riot gear. Goodbye! MIKE and the BOTS: Bye! (The hexfield closes, and Mike and the 'bots turn back around.) MIKE: Well that was certainly something. TOM: I'll say, they have soccer on other planets. MIKE: I meant the regulation of time-travel. TOM: Oh, that too. CROW: Too bad fan-fiction authors still use time-travel as a plot device. (Mads' sign) MIKE: Ah, just what we need. Um, Doc? Could you enlighten us on what happened in the theater back there? (Deep 13. Dr. Forrester is in his respective position. The 'Wheel of Immorality' is still to his side.) DR. F: Ah, with pleasure, my little lab rat. The unnecessary space you encountered was just some formatting problem on the misting by Dr. Thinker. As for the little part with Robotnik and Snively, well, that was a peak into what I have in store for you soon. You see, I stumbled on something that is so confusing, so irritating, not to mention so pathetic, that you wish these pieces of tripe never existed. It's a series created by someone named... (A door bell is rung, much to Dr. F's surprise.) DR. F: Excuse me for a moment. (He walks off stage left. A few moments later he comes back with two people. One, who looks remarkably like Bridget Jones, is in a fur coat (fake, of course), a white dress, some black gloves, and a cigarette in her left hand. The other one, who looks remarkably like Kevin Murphy, comes in dressed as a chauffeur.) WOMAN: After receiving this form from a 'TV's Frank', we have decided to make him one of our finalists for 'Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire'. We are willing to drive this person to the airport and fly him to Las Vegas for the show. DR. F: Really? (pause) I'm sorry, but Frank just died recently, so I can't help you there. WOMAN: Oh, what happened? DR. F: A little accident. WOMAN: That's too bad. Well, onto our next contestant. Chauffeur, take us to Chicago! CHAUFFEUR: (in a really crummy accent) Yes, madam. (The two exit stage left. Dr. Forrester looks at the camera, a little peeved.) DR. F: I told him to submit mine's in, but he put in his name! It'll take weeks to get another form! That Frank will pay for his desperate attempts at love. He's recovering elsewhere from jumping into a volcano, but I can squeeze in some extra hurting... (He spins the wheel.) Wheel of Immorality, turn turn... oh poopie, skip that! (The wheel lands on '4', and a sheet is printed out.) DR. F: (taking the sheet and reading it out) 'Decapitation: Try it swiftly, and do as the Samurai do.' (looks to his right) Oh Frank! Could you come over here please? FRANK: (off-screen, a bit in pain) Alright... just give me a moment to tend to the third-degree burns. DR. F: (putting down a sheet, and getting a Samurai sword) Oh, don't worry Frank, this will only take a second. (looks to the camera) Until next time, Mike. (looking off to the right) Banzai! (He pushes the button, and runs off madly as we see the screen *FWOOSH!*) (End credits, then the familiar "Twang!") (Keep circulating the posts.) >> "T-Bone! Razor!" She to ran up and hugged >>them both. "Whoa, T-Bone, ease up a bit."