MSTed: Dr. Thinker's MSTing of "Video Night at Mako-Chan's" Archival Note: This is the second MSTing of Dr. Thinker's MSTing of "Video Night at Mako-Chan's". The one completed first, Seth Triggs', was dibsed only on the Anime MSTing Dibs List, while mine was dibsed solely on Mike Neylon's Dibs List. I have not read Seth's, and won't until after this is posted. I finished my MSTing with his consent. No competition is intended. NOTE TO MR. D. Thinker: Remember, this is just a funny C&C. Whatever that means. Hope you don't mind. [Season 9 Credits, Door Sequence] [Satellite of Love. Crow is stage left, fiddling with what appears to be mirrors. Tom is stage right, with a video camera and monitor.] MIKE: Hi, guys. What're you up to? CROW: Well, I realized that if I put one mirror here, and another mirror way over there, they reflect off each other, sending an infinite number of us-es off into the distance. Pretty neat, huh? MIKE: Yeah, I guess. Tom? TOM: Well, I've been tweaking a feedback filter so that when I point this video camera at this monitor, it shows the monitor, in the monitor, in the monitor, in the monitor, forever. [Space Ghost] It's me, watching me, watching me, watching me! MIKE: I'm sensing a trend here. [Commercial sign] We'll be right back. [Commercials] MIKE: ...so anyway, he invented "Klingon Chess", and this one form where both players used the same set of pieces. [light flashes] Looks like something's going down in the castle. [Hits light] PEARL: Hello, Nelson. Crow. Servo. Nelson. Crow. Servo. Nelson. Crow. Servo. We're really going to have to do something about those mirrors. But first, it's time to play Prometheus. CROW: We're going to hang Jay Sherman naked from his dorm room light? PEARL: No, we're going to try and rediscover fire. You remember that loving concept known as "fan-fiction", right? MIKE: Yeah... PEARL: Well, it follows that where there are fans, there will be fan-fiction. And, inexplicable as it may be, Nelstone, you have fans. MIKE: [Pleased] Really? We have fans? That explains all those yellowing letters with crayon drawings down in Cargo Bay 55323. PEARL: And since you have fans, you have fan-fiction. And since there is fan fiction, there is bad fan-fiction. And when there is bad fan- fiction, there's an opportunity for a feedback loop of truly epic proportions. So get in the theater. MIKE: I was afraid of something like this. [Crow and Tom are still staring at their multiplied images] This is no time for narcissism, guys. We've got.... us-sign? [Door Sequence] >This takes place before Dr. Death and Dr. Mite in the time lines >for MST300. MIKE: Great. Two lines into this thing and we're already shortchanged by 2,700. > This takes place durning Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank >are working in DEEP 13 as Mike is one the sattile. Stay tune >for.......... TOM: Man, this is going to be time consuming. Well, let's take 'em down, one by one. Crow? CROW: Charles Durning? Your turn, Mike. MIKE: I'll give him that much, I am often one the sattile. Tom? TOM: Someone has a leak in his ellipsis generator. Let's move on. >DR. VIDEO >by a Sailor Moon misting by Dr. Thinker >Original by Amy Bridger. CROW: So, he names all his MSTings "Dr." something? MIKE: I almost feel sorry for Ms. Bridger. Almost. >NOTE TO MRS. A. Bridger: This is a funny C&C. Hope you don't >mind. MIKE: How does he know she's married? >NOTE TO LAWYERS: MST300 is owned by Best Brain. Sailor Moon is >owned by Toei/Dic. Please do not sue. ALL: Sue! Sue! Sue! Sue! Sue! >NOTE TO Mr. McLess: Put it on your web page. CROW: That seems rather rude. MIKE: With the new McLess value meal, you get 4 Chicken McNuggets for the price of six! >NOTE TO FAN: E-Mail at WINKSTWO@SSSNET.COM TOM: Fan. Singular. I wonder who it is? CROW: He used to have two fans, but one of them got on medication. >----------------------------------------------------------- >[SOL] MIKE: We know the feeling. >Mike: Yo! What up? Can't get a date? Or just couch potato look >for a few laughs. CROW: Uh, Mike? Did you ever go through a phase in which you were a badly dubbed Martin Lawrence? MIKE: Well... no! CROW: Good. Don't let it happen again. >Crow: Then you will need "Criker's Laughe Colene". Just on stiff >of nose of you best friend - boy or girl with make your win!" TOM: Uh, Crow? Did you ever go through a phase in which you were an aphasic, Dr. Brunner-esque promoter of "Colene"? CROW: Well... no! TOM: Good. Don't let it happen again. >Mike: (taking a sniff) Yuck! What did you make that with, Crow? >Crow: Tom did. >Mike: TOM!!!! MOVE SIGN!!!!!!! TOM: See, this isn't good characterization at all. Mike would never ask me to move a sign, since he knows perfectly well my arms don't even work. >Tom: (off-screen) I don't see any light moving. >Crow: Oh, well. I forget what you mind "Criker's Laughe Colene" >out of, >Tom: (off-screen) I NEVER REVEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: Uh, Tom? Did you ever go through a phase in which you steadfastly, and loudly, refused to reveal something, in broken English, from off-screen? TOM: Well... no! MIKE: Good. Don't let it happen again. >Mike: (goes to hit the Mad's light, but hits the under-side of >the control panel Oh, Docs! Tom needs a movie. TOM: Still, looks like Thinker's got your physical dexterity down pat, Nelson. >Crow: (voice as Dr. F) CROW: What does he mean by that? I've never sounded like Dr. Forrester. In fact, I sound less like Dr. Forrester now than I did before! > Then I have new story by Dr. Thinker that >might make him roll over dead or melt him into scrap metal. >Tom: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT THAT!!! TOM: You know, after only about five minutes of this, I think that -will- be my reaction to that name from now on. MIKE: What name? You mean, "Dr. Thinker"? TOM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT THAT!!! >Crow: (voice as Frank) You can stay out of the theather if you >tell me what you make Criker's Colene. TOM: Well, actually, it's Acetyl Colene. >Tom: (off-screen) Melted piples, three pairs of underwear, two >pillow, five pills, two small cans of oil, two tapes contains, >mix and cook into the Sattile's Reactor. Happy now. MIKE: That's the oddest coffee cake recipe I've ever seen. TOM: Piples? Melted piples? No, I'm not happy now. I may never be happy again. >Crow: (voice as Dr. F) Ok! Happy, Mike. >Tom: (entering the screen) YOU TRICK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >Crow: You telling me? CROW: Dialogue by Dickson Tang and "Peaches". TOM: Now -that's- obscure. >(Mad's lights shines) >Magic Voice: Bowser and the Kids are hunting >Crow: Where's Mario when you need him. MIKE: Probably visiting his reputable fishmonger for some sardines. >[DEEP 13] >Dr. Forrester: Nice trick, Crow. I have a vister. I tell him the >reason why he's here and not in his lab in Akron, Ohio. Let's go >Frank. CROW: Uh, while you're at it, maybe you could tell we the reason why we're here and not on a beach in Jamaica. >(TV's Frank and Dr. Forrester exit thought TOM: They're not the only ones. > DEEP 13's vault door. >We pan to couch. In which, a man in yellow shirt and pants >covered by a yellow lab coat stand on-screen) MIKE: You know, yellow traditionally means "caution". >Man: Greeting, Mario and friends. I'm Dr. Thinker!!! ALL: [screams of agony] MIKE: A self-insertion MSTing. The horror. The horror. > The reason >I'm hear is that Dr. Forrester has to watch other Mad Sciencest >in the MAD SCIENCE GAMES. TOM; Aren't those Ted Turner's wildly unsuccessful competitors to the "Reindeer Games"? > I used a robot in the last game. So I >punish by taking over. I HATE TAKING OVER somesles job. I rather >be writing. CROW: Yeah, well, we'd rather you jump up our butts, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen anytime soon. > You story today is a rotten piece of Sailor Moon >fan-fic which should I have stay in Amy's computer. TOM: Hooboy. At this rate, we're going to have to keep the pot and the kettle on separate continents to keep a fight from breaking out. >Mike: (Off-screen) As in Sailor Mercury? >Dr. Thinker: No. Silly rabbit. As in Amy Brigder, a Sailor Moon >fan. And it's called "Video Night at Mako-Chan's". MIKE: These three lines were obviously ghost-written. Not a single grammar or spelling mistake. Somehow, I don't think we should get used to it. >[SOL] >Mike: It can't be do bad. TOM: [Sinatra] Do bad, do bad doooooo... MIKE: See what I mean? >Crow & Tom: Bite us! TOM: You know what I just realized? After all this time, we STILL haven't actually gotten to the fanfic. The fanfic, I might add, that "Dr. Thinker" thought was bad enough to make fun of. MIKE: My.... god. You're right, Tom. But if we must go down, we'll go down kicking, and screaming, and fighting every last inch of the way. We will not go gentle into this bad MSTing. And whatever happens, we're in this together. Right, guys? Right? Uh... guys? CROW: Yeah, whatever, Mike. Tom and I are just putting the finishing touches on our suicide pact. We'll be with you in a minute. >>7:15PM 21/01/98 >Tom: She dated the fan-fiction. >Crow: Do not read after this date. MIKE: How about do not read... ever! Done yet, guys? TOM: Don't interrupt, Nelson. [to Crow] I really think subparagraph 9b could be a bit more equitable. What if I want to use the chainsaw? >>Video Night at Mako-chan's >Mike: This fan-fiction is rated NC-17 >Crow: (To the music of FAME) Sex, I want some sexual moves!! CROW: [looking up] That's just wrong. And it doesn't scan worth a damn either. Now, about this "mutual maiming" clause, Tom... >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >>By Amy Bridger (ami@full-moon.com) >Mike: She is a werewolf! >Crow: Gets new meaning to "Bite me!" >Tom: That was a bad joke! >ALL: (groans) MIKE: Say what you will, but he's really got our good-natured ribbing down pat. CROW: And my signature... TOM: There. One suicide pact, done and ready if we need it. >>Story Copyright by Amy Bridger 1997, Characters Copyright by >>Toei. >Tom: Where's Dic? CROW: [Bill Murray] Yes, your honor. This story has no Dic. >Crow: I think that might been a good thing! >Mike: Have you wreck the Dic's dubbed enough? >Crow & Tom: NEVER!! >Mike: Why do I put up with those guys? CROW: Ah, yes. Capturing my well-known obsession with "Dic's dubbed", whatever that is. Thinker, you truly are a master. >>Want to write something fun and fast paced. Also something which >Tom: Out of gate, and Amy get forget the letter...I. >Crow: As in... I'm sick of this fan-fiction. >Tom: We just started Crow. TOM: [exasperated] Oh, -I- get it, Mr. Thinker. Amy can't drop an "I", but leaving out "Right", "The", and the "s" off of "forgets", while simultaneously adding in an extra "get", is JUST FRIGGIN DANDY??? MIKE: Take it easy, Tom. It's still early in the game. >>looks at the senshi vs. normal identity kinda thing. >Tom: This is going to be something look a monster find out about >the Sailor Scouts identity and becomes good. CROW: What a shame it wasn't someone's writing ability that found out about the Sailor Scouts' identities. >>I can't be bothered keeping the seasons straight so expect to >>see attacks and transformations from all seasons. TOM: That's fair, actually. It's a pretty complicated show. >Mike: She need to visit...http://www.tcp.com/doi. >Crow: I thought you said "NO PLUGS!!!" >Mike: That's was Joel. >Crow & Tom: (crying) >Mike: Oh, fudge! I forget if I say that name, they start crying >their heads off. CROW: Um, no we don't. You must be thinking of "Dr. Thinker". BOTS: [start crying their heads off]. >>Warning: There's nudity, words like "etchi", Japanese phrases >>scattered throughout, and very little of Rei. CROW: Now, how can we tell if it's the original fanfic again? MIKE: Well, it's got two ">"'s in front of it, and so far, it's followed by coherent English. CROW: Got it. >Mike: What is etchi? >Crow: The japanese word for prevent....I MIGHT like this fan-fic. >Tom: Bite me! CROW: Only YOU can etchi bad MSTings. >>I've often not put who says what when the girls are discussing >>something. This is either because it doesn't really matter who >Crow: Amy Briger's order at Chaos - the newest fast-food place... >Mike: CHAOS REGINS SUMPREME...one to go? >Crow: Right, Mike? TOM: Hey! He said "Sumpreme". Does that mean a bobby's going to be along to carry him away? MIKE: No, that's "semprini". BOBBY: [off-screen] RIGHT! What's all this then? Agh! Dr. Thinker! [sound of footsteps retreating]. MIKE: Damn. I was hoping to spend the rest of the fanfic in a Turkish prison. >>says what or because I think it's pretty easy to tell who says >>what or both. >Tom: As if. TOM: Ooooh. What a burn. "As if." >>"Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?" Juliet's voice came CROW: Hah. What cheesy dialogue. Only a moron could have written... oh. Wait. Shakespeare. Nevermind. >Mike: Thou is trap by your father in the sky around the ground >called the "Earth". MIKE: Obviously, Dr. Thinker is a former "Cliff's Notes" editor. >>from the tv set in Makoto's apartment. 5 girls sighed in unsion. >>1 girl said "Taikutsu! Boring!" CROW: One of these girls is not like the other, one of these girls is not the same. >Mike: I drink to that. >Crow: You don't have a drink to drink, Mike. TOM: You can lead a Mike to water, but you can't make him think. CROW: You can lead a 'bot to Thinker, but you can't keep him from vomiting. >>"You wanted to come Chibi-Usa so you put up with the movie!" >Crow: You have watch sex with me or Darrien.... >Mike: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Watch sex? Digital or analog? MIKE: I'm never that loud. Am I, guys? TOM: Um... no? >Tom: Mike, my ears are blooding.... >Mike: You don't have ears, Tom. TOM: But I must scream. >>Usagi yelled. >Tom: (Usagi) I hate to do that. But I'm not Queen Neo-Serenity! MIKE: You know, I bet that's really funny from whatever socio-cultural context Dr. Thinker is coming from. >>Chibi-Usa poked her tounge out. >ALL: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >> Usagi stood and started to move >>towards her. >>"Cool it you two," said Makoto. CROW: The last thing this fanfic needs is a tag team catfight between six scantily-clad Japanese schoolgirls. >Mike: (Usagi) With what, cold ice? CROW: I take it back. Jokes like -that- are the last thing this fanfic needs. >>"Yeah, we want to be able to hear the movie!" Rei said. >Tom: Great move, Rei! You not as dumb as you look. ALL: You DUMBER! [laugh stupidly] >>As if on cue, the VCR make a burbling noise. The picture on >>screen distorted and became snowy. The picture flipped over and >>over. TOM: Like a bad guy's car on the A-Team. >Mike: The VCR explodes killing all them. >Tom & Crow: Get real. MIKE: Yeah, none of the cars on the A-Team exploded until the bad guys got out safely. >> The sound continued undisturbed. 5 girls looked dismayed. 1 >>girl shouted "Banzai!" TOM: Need see Buckaroo Banzai! MIKE: It's John Chibi-Usa! > Makoto got up and banged the VCR a few >>times, suceeding only in making the picture worse. >Tom: Try using your thunder power, Jutiper? >Mike: That really with make the VCR explode into millions of tiny >pieces. CROW: Jutiper? Maybe we should make gin out of her. >>"Great now what are we going to do?" TOM: Well... everyone could stop writing, and we could go home early? >Mike: You can a hike to watch that last sentai team working on >their show. TOM: Yeah, but it's no fun now that Trini's moved on to bigger and better things. MIKE: You mean like the second Crow movie? CROW: I wish. >>"We could study for the english test on Monday," suggested Ami. >Mike: (Ami) And math test on Tuesday. >Crow: (Ami) And the sexual test on Wednesday. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: Hm. The author's berating himself for having a dirty mind. Thinker's got some "issues", doesn't he. >>The other girls groaned. >Mike: (Amy) Can I make them groan or what!!! >Crow: That was sick. >Mike: And your sex full jokes are clean? TOM: Remember, you're not fully clean, until you're sex-fully clean. >>"We could watch a film in english. I get the English Channel," >>countered Makoto. CROW: What is there to get? Lots of water, a Chunnel under it... it's really not that complex. >Tom: (Other girls) We don't speak English well... >Crow: Minako and Amy do. >Mike: Why that? >Crow: Minako spend some time in England and Amy is smart. >Tom: I prefer Power Rangers to Sailor Moon. TOM: Uh... huh. Mike, can I sue him for defamation of character? CROW: You can, but you'll have to prove in a court of law that you actually prefer Sailor Moon to Power Rangers. TOM: Damn that burden of proof! >>"But I don't speak english well!" wailed Usagi. >Crow: Ask Amy to help. MIKE: Crossing that fine, yet important line between "making fun of the characters" and "offering helpful suggestions to them". >>"There's subtitles in english and japanese," said Makoto. >Tom: WOW! The Japanese had stacked the deck of televison. CROW: You know, as mixed metaphors go, that's about as useful as a screen door through hot butter. >>Makoto flicked over to the English Channel. >Crow: But she missed a flicked to a hentai show... >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: I don't even know what that means, and I'm getting yelled at. By proxy, yeah, but still... TOM: I believe "hentai" is the word used for violent porn cartoons. CROW: Oh. I thought that was "anime". >> A group of 5 >Tom: Stupid ghost girls fighting a giant green-haired girl. TOM: And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling, giant, green-haired kid! >Crow: Tom, your last riff contain a lot of g, r and s. CROW: Guest MSTing by Pat Sajak. >Mike: Bet you don't want to say that one five time fast? MIKE: Frankly, I'd have been happy if he hadn't said it in the first place. >>costumed superheros were fighting a giant gold monkey. [1] >Tom: They have POWER RANGERS in JAPANESE!!! PLEASE TELL ME THIS A >DREAM. >Crow: It IS NOT A DREAM, or Dr. F and Frank will riffing this. >Tom: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH >(Tom's head explodes) TOM: But... but... Power Rangers -IS- Japanese, or at least most of the footage is. What's the big deal? CROW: Well, at least we know for sure this IS NOT A DREAM. >>"I thought JuRanger was a Japanese show?" asked Minako. >(Tom's head returns) >Tom: Yes, it was until it was turn into a stupid American show. >>"This is the bad english dub of it. It's so funny!" Makoto >Mike: As if, we get some shows...only two were funny. >Crow: "The Putty Pig" eposides right? >Mike: Bingo. CROW: [Scratchnsniff] You do not haff ze bingo! >>explained, "After this there's a beginner english show on. >Mike: That's Amy for you. TOM: [Waiter] OK, that's Amy for you, and who ordered the Rei salad? MIKE: I had the Senshi Scout platter. >>It'll be very educational Ami-chan. Plus the guy in it looks >>just like my old boyfriend!" Sweatdrops appeared on everyone's >>heads. >Crow: You can't get away for sweatdrops, can't you. >Tom: It is based on ANIME. >>They settled back and watched the last 15 minutes of the show. >Tom: Great, they miss the first stupid 15 minutes of the show. MIKE: Yeah, we want to hear descriptions of them watching the whole thing! TOM: Note to Thinker: Anything that shortens the pain is a GOOD thing. >>Even Chibi-Usa wasn't bored as the show was made for people >>about her age. When the show finished the girls started talking >>about it instead of watching the commercials. >Tom: Which would have not been good for his fan-fic. TOM: His fan-fic kung fu was better than mine. >>"That was so pathetic, it was funny!" >Crow: Pathic sex, anyone? >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: [British] Mike, you're a man of the world, ain't ya, squire? MIKE: [Also British] Well, yes, I suppose. What are you getting at? CROW: [continuing] You've... done it. You know, had pathic sex. Wiv a lady... >>"I don't believe they turned Boi [2] into a girl!" TOM: Boi [2] Men? >Crow: Who's Boi? >Tom: I think she was trying for Boy, the Saba-Tooth Ranger that >Saban turn into Trini, the Yellow Power Ranger. CROW: I can't really argue with any decision that results in more Trini. MIKE: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: What? What was that for? MIKE: Sorry. I think this is starting to get to me. >>"Goshi was much cuter!" >Crow: Who's he? >Mike: Can I take a crack at it? >Tom: (Candle from Beauty and the Best) Be my quest. >Mike: He's the one that Saban got for the footage for Zack's >Black Ranger. >Crow: Oh. MIKE: So, we've basically moved past the "make fun of the author" stage of the MSTing, and moved on to the "just explaining what the author means" section. Got it. >>"Jason looked just like my old boyfriend!" >Tom: Makoto, you are getting silly? >Crow: This might just be a silly fan-fiction. CROW: Does the word "duh" mean anything to you? >>"The floating head in a glass was just plain weird!" TOM: Ooh. I've got a good one. Six heads in a duffel glass! >Tom: Zordan is of course weird, he is an alien. TOM: Or you could go with that, yeah, I could see me saying that. I'd have spelled "Zordon" right, of course, and I'd probably ditch the rest of the sentence and say something funny instead, but other than that, I can see it. >>"I couldn't keep up with the subtitles." >Tom: Usagi is a slow as a slug, why did they parents name her >after the japanese word for slug? CROW: Oh, I don't know, maybe because SHE'S AS SLOW AS A SLUG? >Crow: Noako had to use Usagi, and her slow is sometime a joke in >the original series in Japan. >Tom: Been reading web pages? >Crow: Yep. >>"Shhh the next show's starting." >Tom: That's must be Amy. >>Pretty music and comtemperay images accompained the opening to >Mike: I feel like at Wheel of Fortune game. MIKE: And I'll be taking the rest of this joke on account, Pat. >Crow: Really? >Mike: No. CROW: Should have taken the gift certificate, Mike. >>English Have A Go. 2 annouceners announced what was coming up in >>the show and introduced themselves in very slow english. >Tom: Japanese are slow as days in March? >Crow: Why did you change the saying? >Tom: I can't say the other two words. >(Author - In the real word, I'm can't spell them) MIKE: Suddenly, the MSTing veers sharply and becomes a brutally honest confessional. CROW: Tonight, on Lifetime, Valerie Bertinelli stars as Dr. Thinker in "Slow as Days in March". >>"Hello, I'm Joyce," said the female. >Mike: Of the Arc. TOM: You know. Joyce. Noah's wife. >>"And I'm Brian," said the male. >Mike: (Brain) Where is Pinky? >Crow: (Pinky) Right here, Brain? What are we going do tonight? >Mike: (Brain) Show bad movies to 3 other mouses >Crow: (Pinky) Cool. Narf! MIKE: And two more established, respected fictional characters get tossed into the wretched, spinning pool of despair that is a Dr. Thinker MSTing. CROW: Uh, Mike? What do you mean, "fictional"? >>"Welcome to English Have A Go. We hope you can improve your >>english." >Crow: Japanese are too hard to teach english too. TOM: Technically, it would be a logical fallacy to deduce from this that Dr. Thinker is Japanese. But it wouldn't be a bad guess. >>"And have fun too." >Mike: As if! CROW: Hey, you're writing it. We have to read it! MIKE: It really is sad the way he falls back on "As if" when he can't think of any other jokes. CROW: Oh, bite me, Nelson. >>"Today the Jones' family buys Andy a birthday present." TOM: Wow! I didn't know Shirley and Tommy Lee Jones were married! MIKE: Who knew they were such big Andy Richter fans, either? >Tom: From the worst store in the world. CROW: Poo-Mart. >>"We'll learn some grammar." >Tom: And spelling too. MIKE: That's the little known addendum to UPN's business plan, where they list "Who should we have making shows for us?" >>"Professor Sayit will help you with your pronoucination." Ami >ALL: (laughing) CROW: We do have our fun, don't we. MIKE: It's nice to know that when everything that makes us "us" is ripped away and perverted, we'll still be able to laugh. >>and Minako laughed at the professor's name, getting them some >>weird looks. >Mike: May be, this WILL NOT BE BAD after all. ALL: Too late! >Crow: Really? >Mike: May be. >>"And meet some Australian families." TOM: The Dundees, the Hutchences, and the Hays. >Tom: That look and sound British, but act differently. CROW: What with their shrimps and their barbies and their Jackie Chan movies and their Subarus. >>"But first the Jones' family." >Tom: Of the space kind. MIKE: OK, let's back away from that joke slowly. It could go off at any moment. >>"This is the guy that's really cute," Makoto said pointing as >>Andy Jones appeared. >Crow: Makoto, you will have sex will anyone...even me. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: I'm not 100% sure, but that may have been my first ever "booty call". >>"Hi, I'm Andy Jones. I'm a university student." As he introduced >>his family they appeared onscreen doing their jobs. TOM: The Jones family all walk the high steel. >Mike: Being a pains in the neck. >Crow: That's Dr. Forrester job. >Tom: Don't forget Dr. Thinker. MIKE: No matter how hard we might try. >>The next shot showed his mother sitting on the sofa and Andy >>playing on a computer. >Tom: Which is really, a Japanese Playstation. CROW: You are not ready. TOM: If this is an American family, why would they have a Japanese Playstation? Is Andy -that- big of a Tobal 2 addict? >>"Andy, what do you want for your brithday?" the mother asked, in >>very slow english, "A computer game? A new CD?" >Crow: Sex with you, pay up, >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Wow. Incestuous prostitute mother jokes. That's way out of line, even for me. >>"I want a motorbike," Andy pulled funny faces while he talked >>slowly, over exaggerating his expressions. MIKE: And thus, the comedic heir to Bill Cosby is born. > The show continued >>talking about Andy's birthday and ended with him getting a >>motorbike. TOM: Foreshadowing. The mark of quality literature. >>The girls talked over top of the questions that the presentors >>were asking about the skit except Ami who attempted to answer. >>"He is so cute!" exclaimed Minako, "Specially when he makes >>those faces!" >Crow: You getting stupid again, Mr. Bridger? TOM: -Mr.- Bridger? Did Amy take a trip to Denmark between paragraphs? >Mike: (Mr. Brigder) Should I place a stupid remark, here. Yeah, I >should. MIKE: That's an odd place to get self-referential, but who are we to judge? CROW: Well, technically, that's our job. >>"But whats with the weird accents? I could barely understand >>them!" complaned Usagi. >Tom: Why don't you a some grammer and spelling. TOM: The appropriate riff here is left as an exercise for the careful reader. >>"It's an Australian show," said Makoto, "After a couple of shows >>you get used to the accents." >Mike: Looks like the goes the last of Makoto's brain cells. CROW: [exaggerated Aussie] Broin cells! Roight on the bahbie, Bruce. >>The doorbell rang. Makoto got to answer it. It was the pizza >>they had ordered an hour ago. >Tom: Japanese Pizza Boys have lot of places to go two. >>"What took you so long?" she asked. MIKE: Well, I had to MST "Video Night at Mako-Chan's", and that took me 10 minutes... >Tom: Traffic jam that was the area of China. >Crow: That's big! >Mike: Did it come with peanut butter? >Tom: Smooth or Chunky systle? >Mike: Does it matter? >Crow: No. >Tom: We just what make a bad joke into a good one. MIKE: God as my witness, for the first time, I have NO idea what to say to this. >>"Iie nihongo, iie," the delivery boy said looking confused. He >>noticed the tv show and grinned. >All: Subbittles, please. TOM: Subbittles and kits! Subbittles and kits! I'm gonna get me subbittles and kits! >>"You speak english?" he asked slowly. >Tom: (Mokato) Hai! >Crow: What does that mean? >Tom: It's Japanese for no. CROW: He's just doing that so that people will answer "Should Dr. Thinker keep doing MSTings" incorrectly. >>"Minako, come here and translate!" Makoto called. Minako >>reluctantly left Andy Jones to talk to the pizza boy. TOM: You say Minako, and I say Makoto... MIKE: Let's call the whole thing off. >Crow: Trading one for another.... CROW: ... treating men like Magic cards... >>"Hello. I'm Minako." she said easily in english. Love hearts >>appeared in her eyes when she saw how cute he was. >Mike: Girls will be girls... >Tom: Guys will be girls... >Crow: Hentai will be Hentai!!! >Mike: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: So now you're annoyed by truisms, Mike? MIKE: Apparently. >>"I'm Douggy. Sorry the pizza is late but it's hard to find the >>right house when the numbers are all over the place!" TOM: It's Douggy Housefinder, M.D. >Tom: Japanese housing is confusing. >>"Thats ok. Do you want to stay and have some with us?" CROW: [Douggy] Gee, that'd be great! I never get to have pizza. >Mike: (Douggy) BEEP!! They need me on the set. >Crow: (Mokato) What for? >Mike: (Douggy) I'm playing a english-teenager sentai hero. >>"I can't. I've got other pizzas to deliver." >>"Too bad," Minako said. >Tom: Minako lost another boyfriends. >Crow: That's Minako for you. CROW: She should check under the couch. Whenever I lose stuff, it's always under the couch. >>Makoto paid for the pizzas and brought them over. She had made >>sure to only order one pizza that Usagi and Chibi-Usa liked so >>the rest of them would get some too. MIKE: That's odd. I would have bet money there'd have been a bad sex joke here. TOM: You mean like... CROW: ...I like get some them to. MIKE: CROOOOOOOWWWW!!!!!! Yeah. Something like that. > Ami was still watching the >>tv show and carefully saying each word after a strange looking >>man said them. Usagi and Chibi-Usa were laughing at the man's >>strange expressions. Rei was no where to be seen. >Crow: She have gone home to have sex with Chad. >Mike: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Ah. There it is. CROW: Would this be a bad time to point out that the original fanfic is nothing but vaguely referenced anime chicks sitting, giggling and eating pizza? MIKE: Would this be a bad time to get the hell out of here and lick our wounds? BOTS: No. [Door Sequence] MIKE: Boy, this is really playing havoc with my sense of self. CROW: Mine too. I haven't been this annoyed with me since you were me, Mike. TOM: I don't see what you two are so worked up about. [Crow and Mike stare at Tom] TOM: What? It's obviously a case of parallel universes. Robert Heinlein's novel, "The Number of the Beast", posited that whenever an author writes a story, he actually creates a parallel universe where these events actually take place. MIKE: So, what you're saying is, thanks to "Dr. Video", there now exists a parallel universe in which the three of us behave like -that- all the time? TOM: Right. And since there's no chance whatsoever of these universes crossing paths, we're safe! We're -us-. Not them. CROW: Uh, Tom? Did you -finish- "Number of the Beast"? TOM: No. Got about two thirds of the way through it, though. Why? CROW: [as light flashes] No reason. We've got THEM sign!!! [door sequence] TOM: [as they sit down] What can I say. I picked up "Moon is a Harsh Mistress at the same time, and I got distracted. >>Usagi and Chibi-Usa jumped on their pizza and began fighting >>over who got the largest slice. Ami absently picked up a piece >>and ate it while still watching the tv. Minako and Makoto >>discussed the cute Andy Jones and Douggy. >Mike: As "Doug Funnie". >Crow: You are silly, Mike. MIKE: Well it was just a vague Nickelodeon reference, Crow. CROW: Don't blame me. That's the freakish Thinker-Crow from the alternate universe, remember? >>Usagi paused with a piece of pizza half way to her mouth. >Tom: What happen here? Usagi is a pig. >Crow: That would be a good Zord for her. >Mike: She like more a rabbit Zord. >(Crow groans) TOM: Pigs and rabbits and zords, oh my! >>"Hey! I think I know how to fix the video recorder!" she >>exclaimed. CROW: MOON PRISM SALLY STRUTHERS VCR REPAIR CLASS POWER!!!! >Tom: Really? I think Luna say that you can't do that. >Crow: She said "Barely" >Mike: Anywhy that's Serena, but Usagi. CROW: "Luna"... "Barely"... this better not turn into Artemis' Lover. >>"You?" Chibi-Usa started laughing. Usagi shook her fist at the >>girl then yelled, "Moon Crisis Make Up!" While she was TOM: OK, for all of you who were absent during the Moon Crisis, we'll be having the Moon Crisis Make-Up after school on Wednesday. >Mike: (Usagi) I wonder what happen if Reenie and Serena were >doing the same thing? >Crow: (Luna) I might been teasting you. >>transforming the phone rang. Makoto sighed and got up to answer >>it. >Tom: (Makoto) It's was the pizza company, they forget to give us >change. MIKE: That's because you have to want to change. >Crow: (Makoto) It is one of Power Rangers, Jadiete's in Angel >Grove. We need to help them out. CROW: Isn't "Jadiete" Spanish for "thirty-four"? >Mike: (Makoto) DIC's called..WE BACK ON TV!!!!!!!!! On the >Cartoon Network! Of course. TOM: Nestled in that primo time slot between Scooby Doo and Scooby Doo. >>"Usagi, if you're finished "changing", your mom is on the >>phone!" >Tom: (Usagi) Nani? How did she get Mako-chan's number? >Crow: What does Nani mean? >Tom: You should know? >Mike: (Crow) Nani does Nani mean? >Crow: Oh, what? >Mike: Yup. TOM: Wait. It's all clear to me now. It's OUR fault that this doesn't make any sense! We must be missing some kind of cultural background that would explain all this "Nani does Nani mean" stuff. MIKE: Uh, Tom... TOM: No, I'm serious, Mike! It's our lack of in-depth knowledge of Japanese culture, anime characterization, and the vagaries of artistic English. This MSTing is BRILLIANT! I see it all now! [Tom's head explodes] TOM: [winding down] I... see... it... allllllll... nnnnnooooowwwwwww... CROW: Oh boy. That's never good. >>Makoto yelled. Sailor Moon walked over and took the phone. >>"Moshi moshi mama" she said. MIKE: She does a great impression of that guy from Barney Miller. CROW: You gonna do something about Tom? >Tom: I don't know that word. >Crow: Me either. >Mike: If you know E-Mail us at author of this MSTing at >WINKSTWO@SSSNET.COM CROW: Sssnet? Internet access, Dirk Benedict, and a giant snake for just $19.95 per month. MIKE: Hold on, let me reboot Tom. >>Rei walked out of the bathroom to see Sailor Moon talking on the >>phone, Ami sitting 2 inches away from the tv screen, Chibi-Usa >>gorging herself on pizza and Minako and Makoto with big love >>hearts in their eyes. She sighed, it was going to be a long, >>typical evening. CROW: I know exactly how she feels. TOM: [sputters] Hello. Welcome to Tom Servo version 2.5. Would you like to configure new hardware? MIKE: No. >> She walked over to Mako-chan and whispered >>something in her ear. Makoto nodded a few times in response. >>Rei walked over to the kitchen to get some asprin, nearly being >>deafened by Sailor Moon while she was in there. >Mike: Thinking of asprin, did Frank send up a couple boxes of it? >Crow: 10 boxes each contain 200 hundred bottles. 1 open, after we >watched "Moondusted". 4 empty contain within the near trash bin. >Tom: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Don't remind me. >Crow: With pleasure! CROW: Hurry up with Tom, Mike. I want to know what's so disgusting about four empty aspirin bottles. TOM: Would you like to have Tom Servo scan for available channels? MIKE: No. >>"Ok mama, bai bai!" Sailor Moon said and hung up the phone, "Mom >>had to ring up and remind me of the english test on Monday. And >>she said that you have to be in bed by 8 Chibi-Usa." >Mike: Oh, brother. >>"Eiiiiight?" Chibi-Usa whined, "But I bet you're going to be up >>'till midnite!" CROW: Well, maybe 'Round Midnight, or After Midnight. TOM: Would you like to configure Tom Servo to read a Dr. Thinker MSTing? MIKE: Yes. [Tom's head explodes again] CROW: Mike! Hurry up! I'm dyin' out here. MIKE: I'm trying! [mutters] Stupid Plug and Play... >Mike: (Usagi) And you are a pain in the neck. CROW: Like Dracula. TOM: So, the Dr. Thinker MSTing's done, huh? Shame I couldn't survive it. Thanks for rebooting me, Mike. >>"Yeah. But you're not as old as us," Sailor Moon stuck out her >>tounge. Chibi-Usa did likewise. >All: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!! TOM: I hate you both. >>"Would you two shuttup!" Rei snapped. >>"Whats up with you?" asked Sailor Moon. >>"Nothing," Rei answered shortly and drunk her asprin, MIKE: Uh, Rei, why is your aspirin marked "GIN"? BOTS: GIN MAKES A SENSHI MEAN!!!!! >> "Hey >>Makoto is it ok if I go and lie down on your bed for a while?" >>[4] >Tom: (Makoto) Touch my bed, and you might get zap moring. I use >it for target practice. TOM: And I sleep on that haystack over there with red and white concentric circles painted on it. >>"Sure," agreed Makoto. >Tom: How kind. Kill her. CROW: Well, you've got to be cruel to be kind. >>Sailor Moon walked back over to the gathering in front of the >>tv. She sat down on the sofa and saw that there was none of her >>pizza left >Tom: (Usagi) MAGIC MOON PIZZA!!! >Crow: You get silly, Tom. MIKE: I'm starting to get the impression that -someone's- just a little too fond of the word "silly". >Magic: The Mads ringing in my ears! TOM: [singing] But that doesn't mean my ears will soon be turning red! > CROW: Juliuth Theather? TOM: Peetha Peetha. > >Tom: What up, Doc? CROW: It's Bugs Bunny, Homeboy. >(DEEP 13) >Dr. Thinker: Bugsy, Daffy and Elmur. I tell want to tell I >working on a new series called "SPACE KNIGHTS". MIKE: It's like Baywatch Nights, only it's in space. > It's about a four >Princess that rule Altanis and called apon the Power of Space >Knight and the human robotic called Knightus. What do you think, >Mike? MIKE: I think even Haim Saban would ask you what the hell you're smoking, boy. >(SOL) >Mike: The truth or a lie? >(DEEP 13) >Dr. Thinker: The truth? TOM: No, I'm sorry, the correct answer was "Lie". And how much did you wager? All of it? Too bad. >(SOL) >Mike: You should be not watching any more Sailor Moon or Power >Rangers. >(Mad's light) >Crow: Hold the phone, Mike. We get Dr. F's fan-fic on the other >line. >Mike: Huh? >Tom: WE GET THE FAN-FIC SIGN again! TOM: We get the fanfic sign because it's circular and it goes downhill. > CROW: Theather Tthomas? >Tom: What was about? >Crow: Just shameless self-promission, of his stupid series. MIKE: I hope it wasn't a nocturnal promission. >>"CHIBI-USA!" she screamed. She looked at the girl to see her >>stuff the last crust into her mouth. Chibi-Usa smiled. >Tom: That break was to short. >Crow: Can we get back to the fan-fic? >Mike: Nay. I like to complain about Dr. Thinker for a bit. TOM: Don't we all.... [dramatic pause] Don't we all. >>"How where you gonna fix the VCR?" Makoto asked quickly to avoid >>the fight. >Mike: Get the one of my room at my house, Makoto. MIKE: Of course, I don't have a house, I live up here in this satellite, it's kind of central to the premise and all, but what the heck. >>"Oh yeah," said Sailor Moon. She stood and yelled, "Moon Healing >>Escalation!" at the VCR, ignoring the looks she was getting. [3] >Mike: What are all zombie under the control of the Lord Money? >Crow: Huh? >Mike: Money is the root of all evil. >Crow: Oh. CROW: Rob Zombie and Eddie Money's new duet, "Root of All Evil". Now on sale at Tower Records. >>"Try it now," she told Makoto as her sailor fuku faded away. TOM: Leaving her completely nekkid. >>Makoto pressed play and Juliet's face appeared. The picture was >>perfect. Usagi smiled triumphantly. >Mike: (Zordan) NEVER USE your POWER for yourself. MIKE: You'll go blind and crazy! >Crow: Good thing, the author use some who NEVER meet Zordan. >Mike: (Luna) SERENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you >that thing for yourself. CROW: You'll get hair all over your palms. >Crow: Better. >Mike: Thanks....I think. >>Her moment of victory was spoiled by her stomach grumbling >Tom: Like a volanaco, about to explodes it's top. >Crow: Or like Tom when exlodes his head. >Tom: I DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Tom's head exlodes) >Crow: I told you, so. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Maybe this is Dr. Thinker's Jim Henson's Mystery Science Theater 3000 Babies. >>loudly. Everyone laughed. Makoto offered to make some popcorn >>for everyone to eat while they watched the end of the movie. >>"Arigatou Mako-chan!" Usagi cried. >Crow: You are NOT WELCOME!!!!!!! MIKE: [stuffy British] That was a rahthah impolite riff, wouldn't you say? TOM: [same] Yes Frightfully rude, I'm afraid. >>Usagi and Chibi-Usa sat on the couch. Ami sat to the left of the >>sofa on the floor, Minako leant against it in the middle, >>between Usagi and Chibi-Usa's legs, and Makoto sat on the right. CROW: Wow. An almost Ratliffian display of positional description. Too bad these anime babes don't have ranks and titles. >>Usagi and Chibi-Usa shared a bowl of buttery popcorn while >Mike: Fat will get you everything in the world... >Crow: Expect serious. TOM: Nooooobody expects the Spanish Yahoo Serious! >>watching the movie. The other girls had theirs plain. >Mike: Plain as a old time radio show. MIKE: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? CROW: That'd be us, right? MIKE: Yep. Pretty much. >>"Less calories and fat," Minako explaied. >Mike: As if!!! ALL: [forced laughter] TOM: Ah, I love the old standbys. >>"Yeah, gotta stay skinny to get a boyfriend!" Makoto said. >Tom: You are skinner then Skull on Power Rangers. CROW: And look how many boyfriends -he- has. Well, just the one, really. >>"I've already got my Mamo-chan," Usagi said smiling. >Tom: It Wouldn't be Sailor Moon, with out a remark about Mamo- >chan. >>"Pass the popcorn Usagi, you're hogging it," demanded Chibi-Usa. >Tom: CAT-FIGHT!! CAT-FIGHT!!! CAT-FIGHT!!!!!!! CROW: A bunch of senshi nightie-wrestling over popcorn at a slumber party? Please. Anime fanfic writers have more dignity than that. >>Am not!" >>"Are too!" Chibi-Usa made a grab for the popcorn but her hands >>were slipperly because of the butter on them. MIKE: And her feet were slipper-ly because it was a slumber party, after all. >> The bowl slipped >>out of her grasp and overturned, all over Minako's head! >ALL: (Kimbery Heart) GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Kimbery Hearts, Blueberry Stars, and Strawberry Moons! >>"Arggghhh!" >ALL: NO KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Anyone want to place bets on which key on Dr. Thinker's keyboard is going to wear out first? >>"Gomen nasai Minako-chan!" Chibi-Usa apoligised. >Tom: To late for that, his story is VERY sorry...and boring. >Crow: Let's portal out of his Nega-Base. MIKE: I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds filthy. >Dr. Thinker: (voice) Not this time, Nega-Nuts. TOM: And that sounds even filthier. >Crow: Fugde!!! ALL: Shut yo mouth! TOM: I was just talkin' bout Dr. Thinker. >>"Waaaahhhh, there goes all my popcorn. I'm gonna die of >>starvation!" Usagi wailed. Chibi-Usa helped Minako pick the >Mike: We going to die of bored. CROW: I am Die of Bored. Resistance is futile. Your language will be mangled. >>popcorn out of her hair. Minako sniffed her hair dubiosly. It >Tom: attack her with no reason. >>smelt like butter. TOM: Well, at least it didn't smelt like smelt. CROW: Or smelt like ore. MIKE: You guys are taking this recursive thing too far. >Mike: With skunk hair. CROW: You can make a skunk toupee, and have Pepe Le Peau hump your leg. >>"Mako-chan, is it ok if I wash my hair?" she asked. >Crow: I like to butter you will up! >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Here's some free legal advice. Buttering your will is the quickest way to get it thrown out of court. >>"Sure, there's some towels in the cupboard." >Tom: But they have holes in them. >>"Arigatou." Minako departed for the bathroom. >Tom: Or the litte girl room. >Mike: Tom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: Isn't your voice sore by now, Mike? You want a lozenge? TOM: Yeah. You yell more than Brak does. >>Minako towel dried her hair after washing it throughly to get >>rid of the butter. >Tom: It was really yellow peanut better. >Crow: That get NEW MEANING to sticking hair. >(Mike groans) >>It was going to take ages to dry. MIKE: Epochs, even. > She remebered a >>similar incident, a few years ago, in a salon. If worked for >>Usagi... Minako raised her hand and said, "Venus Crystal Power >>Make Up!" A orange haze surounded her. CROW: Orange haze, all in my brain! > When it cleared she was >>Sailor Venus. She looked in the mirror, her hair looked great. >>She felt it, it was completely dry. Smiling, she detransformed. MIKE: Feminist literature this ain't. CROW: Yeah. After she detransformed, she went back to reading her "Young Senshi" magazine. You know, the one with "Ten Tips to Use Your Mystical Powers to Look Great!" >>Minako walked back out into the lounge. She made sure she sat on >>the floor far away from clutzy girls with popcorn. >Tom: Smart idea. >>When the movie ended, 4 girls were crying and 1 again shouted >>"Banzai!" >>"Can we watch something decent now?" >>"That was so sad!" >>"They both died!" MIKE: Ah. They're watching "Alien 3". >Mike: (Amy Brigder) Confuse ATTACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! >Crow & Tom: No kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: [muttering] Two thousand fifty five, two thousand fifty six, two thousand fifty seven... CROW: Losing your patience again, Tom buddy? TOM: No, just counting exclamation points. >>"All they wanted was each other." >Mike: Kind of like Serenity and Emdyion. MIKE: What this has to do with adult diapers and Dan Simmons novels I'll never know. >>"Wasn't Romeo handsome?" >Tom: As handsome as bullfrog. CROW: Well, I thought Populous II made good use of the Amiga's graphics. >Crow: What if they would watching Leonardo DicCaprio's film. >Tom: That's "Titanic", CROWZILLA!!!! >Crow: He started in others, TOMAN!!!!! >Mike: Cut it out, guys! TOM: Wave goodbye to our last shreds of dignity, guys. >>"It was certaintly an interesting adaption of the orginal play >>by William Shakespeare. Keeping all the original dialouge >>combined with modern imagery sure resulted in a unique movie." CROW: [Brak] I like pork! >Crow: It's is Leonardo DicCaprio's second film. >Tom: Then it moves up to nice duck. TOM: [Londo] Nice duck... pretty duck... >Mike: At least it not an ugly duckly. >(Tom & Crow groans) >>"AMI-CHAN!" >>"What are we going to do now?" asked Minako. >ALL: SLEEP!!! >>"I've got some more videos, mostly action. I think there's an >>anime fest on all night." said Makoto. Chibi-Usa yawned. Usagi >>noticed the time was 8:15. >Tom: The total of the time is the IQ of the author. ALL: [dully] And the flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true. >>"It's bedtime for you Chibi-Usa!" she announced. >>"Can't I stay up just a little longer?" TOM: [singing] Please, please please... say you will SAAAAY you willl! >>"It's already 15 minutes past 8!" >>"Where am I sleeping? I don't want to sleep on the floor!" >>"Rei's asleep on the bed," said Minako. >>"How about I make a bed for you on the sofa Chibi-Usa?" asked >>Makoto, then added with a wink, "Then you can stay where all the >>action is and technically be in bed.' MIKE: Oh, that wacky Makoto. Isn't that just like her? >>"Arigatou Mako-chan!" >Tom: This is making be sleeping.... >Crow: Me, two..... >Mike: Me, three..... >>"Maybe we should get ready for bed too," suggested Usagi. >>"Yeah, it's getting chilly," agreed Minako, thinking of >>snuggling up in her warm sleeping bag. Minako, Ami, Usagi and >>Chibi-Usa went for their bags. >Gypsp: Enter? ALL: NOOOOO! [begin sobbing] CROW: [in tears] It was bad enough when it was just us three, but not Gypsy, too! MIKE: She's sweet and innocent! Don't put her through your twisted food processor of a brain! TOM: Have the common decency to at least spell her name right! >Magic Voice: Guys are sleep. >Gypsp: I MST until them up. Keep a eye on the controls. >Magic Voice: Ok! CROW: [hysterical] DON'T YOU DO IT! DON'T YOU DO IT! >>"I forgot my pjs!" wailed Usagi as she searched through her bag, >>spreading clothes all over the room. >Gypsp: She's like Tommy Oliver. CROW: He's doing it, isn't he. MIKE: Yep. He just insinuated that Gypsy watches Power Rangers. TOM: This is the twilight of our souls, guys. >>"You could borrow a pair of mine, but I think they might be a >bit too big for you," offered Makoto. >Gypsp: Makoto is the tall of all the Sailor Scouts. CROW: God, make it stop. Make it stop. I'll read anything else! >----------------------------------------------------------- >(Author Note: TOM: Be careful what you wish for, Crow. CROW: OK, -almost- anything else. > According to some authors, Gypsp is the one who get >Tom hook on Power Rangers and Crow on Sailor Moon. MIKE: If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. > Now back to >the MSTing) TOM: We hope you enjoyed this little insight into the workings of the author's mind. Now, more crap. >----------------------------------------------------------------- >>"Thanks but I got a better idea," Usagi held aloft the Luna Pen >>(?). >Gypsp: When this Japanese is the MOON PEN. What are you, a stupid >author? TOM: Uh, Doc? You don't want to go there. >>"Moon Power, make me ready for bed," she yelled. A pair of >>pyjamas apeared on her and her hair became unfastened, flowing >>down her back until it nearly reached the floor. >Gypsp: Fast change. MIKE: Yeesh. This is just one big user's manual for the world's most trivial usage of cosmic powers. >>"If Luna was here she'd kill you," said Ami, "You know she says >>you should only use that for Sailor business." >>"Well lucky for me she isn't!" >Gypsp: Or else, he will craw you to death...OH!! NOW!! I beening >spending two mean times with Tom in Holobranca. >Magic Voice: It could be worse? >Gypsp: What? >Magic Voice: You could have make a "Crow Joke"!! >Gypsp: What joke? >Magic Voice: Like this. (Crow) We need some more sex. (Mike) >Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >Gypsp: Oh. [There's a loud clanking noise from stage left. Mike and the Bots turn their heads to see a peculiar silhouette enter the theater. Kind of a cross between Gypsy and a Veretech fighter in half-transformed mode.] GYPSY: That does it! It's payback time, Thinker! [Anime style missiles launch from the Gypsymech, peppering the screen with small explosions. The fanfic grinds to a halt.] MIKE: Whoa. Never seen her do that before. Let's go. [Door Sequence] [Mike and the bots enter. Gypsy is standing stage left, still vaguely mecha- styled, wisps of smoke and steam rising from her fuselage] MIKE: Um, Gypsy? GYPSY: Yes, Mike? MIKE: I don't want you to think we don't appreciate and understand what you've done... GYPSY: Thanks, Mike! I knew you'd understand. MIKE: Yeah, but... how the heck did you do that? GYPSY: While you guys were in the theater, a bunch of space battles happened outside the ship! So I salvaged a few parts. [Mike and the bots rush over to the porthole. Wreckage from Starfuries, Klingon Birds of Prey, TIE fighters, Colonial Vipers, Veretech fighters, Vogon Constructor Fleet vessels, and a hundred other fictional shows can be seen.] TOM: Boy, it's almost as if the boundaries between fictional universes were collapsing around us, and converging right here on the Satellite. Good thing that's impossible. CROW: [Less certain] Yeah... good thing... MIKE: I've got an idea. [Hits Mads' light] [Castle Forrester. In the background, Pearl, Darth Vader, Morden, Gray Roger, and The Brain are sitting around a conference table. Maps, papers, and blueprints litter the tabletop, nearby walls, and floor. Bobo answers the call.] BOBO: Castle Forrester, you stab 'em, we slab 'em! [Laughs] I always wanted to do that. MIKE: Bobo, this is Mike. What's going on down there? BOBO: Oh, the Lawgiver's having another one of her swa-rays, whatever that means. Just a few friends over for fondue and light conversation. PEARL: BOBO! Get them back in the theater! The boundaries are almost completely eroded! BOBO: OK, Lawgiver! [to Mike:] Sorry, but you've got some kind of sign or other. Scoot along, now. MIKE: We can't. Gypsy blew up the theater. BOBO: Oh. Says here on my copy of the work order that the Nanites fixed that nanoseconds ago! [Lights flash] ALL: We've got some kind of sign or other!!!!!! [Door Sequence] MIKE: For once, I'm really not thrilled with the Nanites' repair abilities. >>Makoto disapeared into her bedroom to change. Minako pulled out >>of her bag a pretty nighty, which was covered in red love >>hearts, >Gypsp: Again that look soo lovely with out the butter stains? >(Crow awake) CROW: Ah, what a refreshing little nap. >>and proceeded to change into it. Ami blushed as Minako pulled >>off her top. Ami quickly busied herself looking for her >>sleepware in her bag. She found her nighty and pulled it on over >>her head, turning her back to the others. Then took her shirt >>and bra off under the cover of her nighty and finished by >>removing her skirt. MIKE: The undressing ritual is described in painstaking, disturbing detail. >(Crow's awake, but Gypsp's does know that) >Gypsp: Crow have love that part if he stay awake? >Crow: Oh, babe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >(Mike and Tom is awake) >Mike & Tom : CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >(Gypsp leaves) TOM: Our long national nightmare is over! MIKE: Well, not as such, but at least Gypsy's safe. >>Chibi-Usa struggled to remove her top. Usagi noticed. >>"Need some help?" she asked. >>"No," Chibi-Usa said. Usagi grabbed the bottom of her top anyway >>and lifted it off her. >>"I said I didn't need any help!" >>"It would have taken you all night otherwise." CROW: I'm beginning to think that the whole purpose of this fanfic is to "watch" nubile Japanese schoolgirls help each other take their shirts off. And I don't really have a problem with that. >Mike: This fan-fic takes all night to riff. CROW: This, on the other hand... MIKE: Imagine how we feel. It's taking us twice as long. >>Makoto walked out of her bedroom wearing green and white >>checkered pyjamas. She carried a pillow, sheets and a blanket >Mike: You can play chess on it. TOM: [singing] One night in fanfic makes a hard man humble... >>for Chibi-Usa's bed. She quickly made up the bed. Chibi-Usa >>hopped in. >>"Oyasumi nasai minna," she said, rolled over and fell asleep. >>"At last, we're free of her!" grinned Usagi. She, Ami and Minako >>spread out their sleeping bags on the floor. The girls unzipped >>their sleeping bags and wrapped them around themselves so they >>could be warm and stay sitting up. Makoto went and got herself a >>pillow and some blankets. CROW: No bedding detail spared, no matter how small! >Tom: From the trash can. >>"So are we going to watch the anime fest?" asked Makoto. Getting >>no response she added, "They're screening the first 2 Sailor V >>movies back to back right now!" >>"Lets watch it!" said Minako and Usagi. Ami shrugged. >>"Ok Sailor V it is," Makoto switched channels until she found >>it. TOM: So, basically, we're making fun of someone making fun of Sailor Moon characters watching a Sailor Moon movie. MIKE: Yeah. TOM: I almost wish those hundred boxes of aspirin were real, and not part of Dr. Thinker's fever dream. >Tom: Japanes only have a couple of channels. Why in his fan- >fiction do have so many? >Crow: Beat me! >Tom & Mike: Know they're a thought. MIKE: And knowing is half the battle. BOTS: Yo Joe! >>The movies were short, the first went for 1 hour and the second >>for 1 and a half. The first story had Sailor V on the trail of >>international jewel thieves who had stolen the world's largest >>diamond from a museum in London. The second movie was about a >>group of terrorists who threatened to blow up all of Tokyo if >>their demands of 1 trillion yen were not met. >Mike: WOW!! Why can I get those movies. >Crow: Why don't we try to contain Sailor Venus >(All think about for a mintue) >All: Nah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: The sonic vibrations of the 4,000 decible "nah" tore the Satellite of Love to shreds, killing all aboard. The end. >>Minako and Usagi paid rapt attention to the movies, often >>yelling and cheering Sailor V on. They were so loud it was >>amazing that CROW: They weren't being written by Dr. Thinker. >Tom: The didn't blow up the building. >>they didn't wake Chibi-Usa. Makoto watched but without the >>intense focuse that the two blonde girls had. Ami paid little >>attention to the movie. Her attention was focused on the book in >>her lap. MIKE: The Anarchists' Cookbook. >Mike: It's the "Man in the Iron Mask". MIKE: Which Mike is funny, and which Mike is incomprehensible? You make the call! >>"Wow! I love Sailor V!" >>"They did the voice all wrong! I do not sound like that!" >Mike: You don't. So in the movie, they don't have Minako doing >that job. >Crow: Correct. >>"The first movie was best, more action in it." >Mike: Jutiper, I will bet. TOM: And how much did you bet? Everything? That's too bad. I'm afraid the correct answer is "Jupiter". CROW: Your Trebek's really getting a workout today, Tom. >>"But the second contained a better storyline with more twists >>and turns." >Crow: Minako prefers in becomes it have sex in it. TOM: Yeah, but it was much more tasteful when she called them "twists and turns". >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: Stop this crazy thing!!!!! CROW: I would if I could, Mike. Believe me. >>The next anime movie was Patlabor, which no one really wanted to >>watch. >Tom: To hentai for anyone taste. ALL: [clink glasses] To hentai! >Mike: Tom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >>"Lets play Truth or Dare!" Minako suggested. >Tom: What about Twenty Question. >Crow: They can't. Or esle the author have to think somefrom >Japan. >>"Ok," everyone agreed. Minako looked around for a victim to ask. >>She spotted Ami with her nose buried in a book. CROW: Desperately shoveling to recover it. >Tom: The book is "2,000 World Tales!" >Crow: It is a text-book. >>"Ami-chan! Truth or dare?" >>"Truth," Ami looked up from her book and responded. >>"Who's the cutest boy at school?" Minako knew exactly the right >>question to ask to make Ami blush. >Mike: (Amy) Greg. CROW: John: (Jacob) Jingleheimer Shmidt. TOM: His name is my joke too. >>"Can I take dare instead?" >>"No, but I'll let ya. I dare you to not look at a book all >>night!" CROW: So... she -can- take dare instead. TOM: This is somewhat less compelling than the Madonna version. >>"Ok," Ami said sighing and put her book away. >>"Now you have to ask someone," Minako prompted. >Mike: I pick Tom. >Tom: What? >Mike: Truth or Dare. >Tom: Truth. >Mike: Do or don't you like this fan-fic? >Tom: I hate it! >Mike: Works for me. >>"Hmmm, Mako-chan, truth or dare?" >>"Ummm... Dare!" >>"I dare you to... ummmm..errr.." Ami stammered for a few >>minutes. CROW: Count them off to yourself. We'll resume the fanfic when you're done. >Tom: (Garfield) That goes that motorboat again. He will need to >get a oil. MIKE: The hell? TOM: He'll have to face the Music for that joke. >>Minako took pity on her, and whispered something in her ear. >>"I dare you to wear your hair in a new style for the evening." >>"Any particular style?" >Mike: bald as that weird head. >Crow: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! >>"Odangos!" Minako said. CROW: The new cereal with the great taste of Odang! >>"But thats my hairdo!" cried Usagi. >>"It's only for the night Usagi," Minako said, "And it was a dare >>so she has to do it." >>"I'll fetch my brush and a mirror," Makoto said. >Mike: Ewwwww!!! I feel butter on them. >>Makoto pulled her hair tie out and brushed her hair out. >Mike: Like it was on fire. TOM: Great. Now Dr. Thinker's that fireman guy from In Living Color. "If your hair's on fire, brush it out! Like this! AAAAAH! >>Everyone was surprised by how long it, it reached all the way >>down to her hips. She seperated her hair into two and tried to >Mike: The only one with short hair is Amy. >Crow: Inner or including Outers? >Mike: Inner only. >Crow: Then you are right. CROW: Mike? Tell me that "inner" and "outer" hair doesn't mean anything like what I think it means? MIKE: There, there, Crow. CROW: My mommy told me there aren't any monsters, but there are, aren't there? MIKE: Yes, there are, Newt. >>wrap one lot into an odango. It didn't work. After a few more >>unsuccessful tries she turned to Usagi and asked, "How do you do >>it? It's impossible!" CROW: Oh, I just use my mystical powers given unto me as a great responsibility that I should be using to save the world. It's fun! >Tom: (Amy) Pick another style? TOM: OK, I pick "funny MSTings". Now start writing one. >>"I'll show you," Usagi took the brush and a hair tie and within >Crow: (Zoyitice) I show mine, know show me yours. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: What the hell's a Zoyitice? Sounds like a... well, actually, it doesn't sound like anything. >>30 seconds had one odango done. >>"Now you do the other one." Makoto tried again and eventually >>got something that faintly resembled >Tom: A ponytail that was on fire. MIKE: Dr. Thinker's been watching a bit too much Beavis and Butthead. TOM: [singing] If you love somebody why not set them on fire... >> an odango. >Mike: As if. >>"Good enough?" she asked Ami. >>"Yes," she replied. >Tom: Not for me. CROW: Watch! As the mighty Dr. Thinker tries to convince us he has standards! Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! >>"Usagi-chan, truth or dare?" asked Makoto. >Mike: Dare. I dare you to shut up! >>"Truth," answered Usagi. >Crow: (Makoto) Are you having sex with Mamo-chan? >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: You know, I think I'm getting the hang of Dr. Thinker's version of me. >>"Will you miss Chibi-Usa when she returns home?" >>"Miss that brat? Not a chance!" CROW: [Nabooty] I think she want have sex with that brat. >Tom: I will bet a dollar, that she's change her mind. >Crow: Ok! CROW: [Tararaboomdeay] I bet a dollar she sex you mind. >>Usagi yelled at once, then CROW: [Randomo] Sex! MIKE: OK, Crow, that's enough. >Tom: Kick Makoto in the shins. >Crow: You getting dark, Tom. TOM: Our souls are getting dark, but this still won't stop. >Tom: No kidding? >Crow: I have kid, kid. CROW: I didn't even realize I was pregnant with a goat. >Tom: Hey! >Mike: (takes a toy Moon wand and circle it's above they're head) >Tom & Crow: We will be good. >Mike: (places the toy Moon wand on this lap) CROW: Um... Mike? MIKE: Yes? CROW: You realize if you ever, ever, ever show either of us your "toy moon wand" that we'll have to kill you, don't you? MIKE: I don't think that will be a problem. >>paused, "Maybe just a little. She's alright sometimes, like now >>when she's asleep." Usagi pulled Chibi-Usa's blanket up and over >>her. Usagi looked at her sleeping daughter for a few seconds >>before turning back to the game. >Tom: Of stupids and chickens. By the way, Crow, you own me, a >dollar. CROW: Man, Tom, you're cheap. TOM: Heck, I thought I'd go for at least two bucks on Ebay. >>"Minako-chan, truth or dare?" >>"Dare" >>"I dare you to act out a scene from one of the Sailor V movies >>we just saw!" >Tom: That's too SILLY. >Crow: Or too STUPID.. >Mike: How stupid silly. >Crow & Tom: Works for us. TOM: Actually, I prefer "stupid fresh", you know, because of the urban subtext it creates. >>"Do I get to pick the scene or do you?" >Tom: Pick the theme song!!! MIKE: You can pick your friends, and you can pick the theme song, but you can't pick your friend's theme song. >Crow: It's might be bad music with out any words. >>"You can." >>"Ok I pick the scene where she get to kiss the handsome guy." >>"Uhh.. we seem to have a shortage of handsome guys, >>Minako-chan," pointed out Ami. CROW: Then she'll have to re-enact a scene from "Xena" instead. >Crow: Or then the kiss the butt of Amy! >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Kiss The Butt. Starring Morgan Freeman. >>"Well unless one of you guys want to fill in, I guess I'll have >>to choose another scene then." After thinking for a moment >>Minako said, "I want to do the scene where Sailor V catches the >jewel theives. Who wants to be the jewel theieves?" CROW: [singing] Who will sa-a-ave your soul... WAUGH! >Tom: They stolen female hip bones. >Mike: Tom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Let's all just sit back and pray that that was a pun in a foreign language. >>"I get to watch because I dared you," said Usagi quickly. MIKE: So, Usagi likes to watch. Got it. >>"Ok then, Ami-chan and Mako-chan you start running when I say go >>and I'll catch you, ok?" asked Minako. They both nodded. CROW: This activity has "class action suit" written all over it. >>"V Power (?)" Minako yelled and became Sailor V in a orange (?) >>flash. >>"You didn't want me to do in the wrong outfit, did you?" she >>asked grinning. >Mike: Like a Luarian cat will all know and love. TOM: At least it's not a Unarian cat. MIKE: You know, the fractured dialect is actually starting to grow on me. >>"Go!" Sailor V yelled. Ami and Makoto started running away from >>her. In the movie Sailor V had used an attack on the jewel >>theives which stunned them. Sailor V improvised and picked up a >>couple of pillows. She threw them at Ami and Makoto, causing >>them to fall to the ground. CROW: So, she turned into Sailor V, but she didn't gain any of Sailor V's powers? >Tom: Like a ton of brick. >Crow: She must have eat lots pizza and pop-corn. >Mike: They lost both of them. >Tom: Oh. MIKE: And you just lost all three of us, Doc. >>Makoto grabbed one of the pillows and threw it back. >Mike: Like a ray of the Sun. TOM: No, like a pillow, actually, but thanks for playing. >>"Pillow Fight!" yelled Usagi and joined in by throwng her pillow >>at Makoto, who saw it coming and ducked. Ami hid behind the >>couch until Minako came looking for her and started hitting her >>with a pillow. CROW: Then a mysterious blond stranger came in, killed them all with photon pillows, and spelled "We were beaten by a bunch of kids" on them using down feathers. >Tom: Full with a horse and 4 horseshoes. >Crow: (Amy) Ouch!!!!! >>"Truce!" yelled Ami quickly. Minako stopped long enough for Ami >>to crawl back around and grab a pillow. Minako popped up from >>behind the couch to see what was going on and was hit in the >>face with a pillow. TOM: Say what you like, but nobody does preteen female pillow fight scenes like Bridger. >> She threw two back at the direction it came >>from and quickly ducked back down. >Mike: Into the large tub of butterly pop-corn. MIKE: Into the large tub of loverly butterly pop-corn. TOM: Into the large tub of loverly butterly pop-corn from Waverly. >>She crawled back around to the front of the couch. Usagi >>prepared to launch a pillow but just as >>she was about to throw it, she was hit! Her aim was way off and >>the pillow landed on top of Chibi-Usa. The girls paused, but >>Chibi-Usa kept on sleeping peacefully. >Mike: She can sleep thought 5 torando. CROW: Five torando my foot! That's a reeeeal torando! Oooh, you ain't in New York City, baby. >>"She's certaintly inherited Usagi's sound sleeping habits," said >>Ami, who got hit in the face with a pillow for her comment. >Tom: Brains Cells are author is about 10% left. MIKE: And that's between the two of them. >>The pillow fight continued until everyone was too exhausted to >>stand. Usagi yawned loudly. >ALL: (YAWMS loudly) CROW: No, that's N. NNNN. N. It's right there. N. TOM: The N's don't justify the means. >>"How about we go to sleep now?" she suggested. >>"You can Usagi," said Minako, "We all know you need your sleep." MIKE: What with your trendy redrum heroin habit and all. >>"Arigatou Minako-chan," Usagi zipped up her sleeping bag and >>crawled into it, "Oyasumi nasai minna." But the time she >>finished saying goodnite she was asleep. >Tom: Like daughter, like mother. ALL: [dully] Think about it, won't you? Thank you. >>"I think I'll go to bed too," said Ami, "Since I'm not allowed >>to read anything," she looked pointedly at Minako. TOM: Minako is a Japanese government censor. CROW: [Minako] You take those references to "comfort girls" out of there this instant! >Tom: Those goes Amy's brain!!! >Crow: Who will go to bed next? >Tom: Beat me? >Mike: Don't mind if I do. >(Tom hides out is seat) CROW: I wonder if Dr. Thinker actually spent time psychoanalyzing you two to determine which would be the top and which the bottom. >>"I didn't say you couldn't read anything! Just not books," >>Minako corrected, "If you're that desperate to read something, >>I'm sure that Mako-chan has some manga or magazines." >Mike: Or scripits to bad shows to riff. TOM: Scripits! Coming to you from the Zik Zak Corporation! >>"Thanks but early to bed, early to rise, and the sooner I rise >>the sooner I can read again!" explained Ami as she got into her >>sleeping bag. MIKE: She's the bouncing, teenage, super-powered Ben Franklin. >Crow: The last time, she have sex was back in the Sliver Millieum >with Zoyitice. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: [pause] Yeah. Whatever. >>"Goodnight Mako-chan, goodnite Minako-chan," she said sleepily. >>"Now we can get down to the important discussions," Minako said. >>"Hmmm?" >>"Like who's cuter, Douggy or Andy!" >>"Douggy's hair was just like my old boyfriend's, but much nicer. >>And it's blonde." TOM: So, in other words... nothing like your old boyfriend's at all. >Tom: Makoto is nut >Mike: And Minako is nut, two. >Crow: Makoto and Minako are two nuts. CROW: This whole thing is too nuts. >>Andy had a much better hair cut." Minako and Makoto talked about >>the two boys for ages, MIKE: Glaciers advanced and retreated. Mountains rose and fell. Entire species became extinct. >> though never coming to a firm decision on >>who was cuter. Minako preferred Andy while Makoto went for >>Douggy. >Mike: As painfull as trip to visit, Dr. Thinker. ALL: And how! >>Makoto looked over at Minako after she hadn't said anyhting >>about Andy for 30 seconds. She was fast asleep, still in her >>Sailor V fuku. >Crow: Sailor Moon Japanese PJ. >Mike: Shameless DIC idea. TOM: Fuku, DIC, this is all about sneaking naughty words past Net Censor programs, isn't it. >>"Mmmmmm Andy how'd you get here?" she murmered. TOM: Ooooh, Pierre CROW: And she wakes up to find an iguana licking her face. >> Makoto still >>wasn't tired so she got up and switched the lights off so the >>others could sleep peacefully. She sat down in front of the tv, >>turned the sound down low, and searched for something good to >>watch. MIKE: They're baaaaack! >Mike: News about the lastest Nega-Verse attack! Film at 8:00. >>Usagi was dreaming about Romeo and Juliet. She was at a party, >>wearing a Juliet's cute little winged outfit. Couples danced >Tom: with swords in they're hand. TOM: Actually, when performed well, sword dances can be pretty nifty. CROW: Really? TOM: Yeah. I remember this one time, when I was watching this sword dance... MIKE: You're only postponing the inevitable, guys. >>around her. She looked through them, searching for someone. She >>spotted him, her Romeo, on the far side of the hall. Mamoru >>wearing the armor Romeo had worn in the movie. They danced >>together. >Mike: I don't think he will fight in it. CROW: Well, no. This is Romeo and Juliet, not Soul Edge: The Motion Picture. >>"Mamo-chan," she said happily as they danced. MIKE: Is it live, or is it Mamo-chan? >Crow: Around the whine cellar. ALL: [whining] Eeeeeeeeeeehhhhh! >>Minako dreamt about Andy Jones. He appeared in the middle of the >>room. >Tom: Of her bedroom. >>"Hello Minako," he said when he saw her. >>"How do you know my name, Adam?" she asked, she had no idea why >>she called him Adam but it seemed to fit him. >Tom: I think I know what "Power Ranger" eposide they watched. >Crow: What? >Mike: "Goldar's Vice-Versa?" >Tom: Yep! CROW: Wow, we've all seemingly developed near-encyclopedic knowledge of Power Rangers trivia. >>"I've seen you, in my dreams," he replied. >Tom: As if!!! MIKE: Try Generic Brand riffs. They're up to 50% cheaper than regular riffs, and most audiences barely notice the difference! >>"How did you get here, Andy?" >>"My secret," he smiled at her, "Give me your hand, Minako." She >>held his hand and the scene shifted to a tropical island. CROW: Gilligan! TOM: Skipper! >Mike: With Nega-Verse nut on it. >>"It's so beautiful." >>"Like you," Andy said and kissed her. TOM: Not as beautiful as you, my dear. CROW: [makes psychotic turkey noises] >Mike: With trash all over. >>"Sport... etchi... sport... ads... home shopping... tentacles... >>sport... news... commercials... Isn't there anything decent on?" MIKE: [British] And for those of you that don't like sport, there's sport. >Tom: At Midnight, no way, Makoto. CROW: Tom Servo IS the new Prevue Guide Interactive Listings 2000! >>Makoto complained. An exhaustive search of the tv channels had >>failed to turn up anything good. >Tom: But she miss the SCI-FI channel. >Crow: Get real. MIKE: There's nothing good on the Sci-Fi Channel. CROW: Well, there's Battlestar Galactica. That's kind of fun. TOM: Still, I'd rather watch this than an SFC "Original". >>'Maybe I should go to bed too,' she thought as she looked back >>at her sleeping friends. Ami was tossing and turning. Usagi and >>Minako were making kissy noises as they slept. >>'Perhaps I'll dream of Douggy," Makoto thought. >Tom: Or Jason, or Tommy, or Adam. CROW: Or Wesley, or Jean-Luc, or Worf... TOM: Or John, or Michael, or Marcus... MIKE: Or Torgo, or Ortega, or Pitch... >>"Noo! Noo! Stop it! ARGGGHHH!" Ami was yelling and screaming. >Crow: For no reason at all. TOM: She dreamt she was reading this MSTing. CROW: Quick! Wake her up! And wake US up while you're at it. >>Makoto quickly went to her side and shook her to wake her up. >>"Wake up, Ami-chan. It's ok. C'mon, wake up," said Makoto. >Tom: She was dead on the floor. >>"Nan... nani yo?," Ami said as she awoke. TOM: She sounds like a song at a Renaissance Festival. >>"It's ok Ami-chan, it's me, Mako-chan. You're were having a >>nightmare." >>"Nani? Mako-chan, what are doing here?" >>"It's my apartment. Remember, it's the slumber party at my >>house?" MIKE: Remember? The whole point of the fanfic? >>"Right, the sleepover," Ami sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes and >>looking around the room. She was surprised that her eyes were >>wet with tears. >Tom: Of unknown nutballs. TOM: When in Washington, D.C., make sure you visit the Tomb of the Unknown Nutball. >>"Hey, you wanna talk about it?" >>"It was horrible. I was dreaming about the last fight against >>Galaxia and about... dying," Ami shuddered. >Mike: Amy is a chicken. >Tom: Insult her again, and turn you into a roast humans. CROW: Hey, that reminds me. If we were to cook Mike and eat him, that wouldn't technically be cannibalism, would it? TOM: Not as such, but it would be a fairly serious breach of etiquette. >>"It's ok, it's all over now." >>"But is it really? How do we know that some new menace won't >>come and we'll have to fight again?" MIKE: Don't worry. Your popularity is waning. The odds of another sequel series are almost infinitesimal. >Tom: As if. >>"We don't. But if one does, we'll win." >>"That's not it Mako-chan. I don't want to fight," Ami began to >>sob, "I don't like killing and fighting and violence. I want to >>be a doctor, to heal people." CROW: [Ami] To play golf on rooftops... >>"You will be Ami. You're smart enough to do anything," >>encouraged Makoto. She hugged her friend tight, letting her cry. >Mike: Like Chiba-Usa. >Tom: You were warned!! >(Tom head knocks Mike over Crow) >Crow: Get off of me, Mike!!!!! >Mike: As soon as Tom backs off! >(Tom returns to his seat. Mike refix his body) CROW: [sobbing] See what this has done?! We're fighting amongst ourselves! Look what we've become!!! [stops] Oh, wait. It's just our lobotomized dopplegangers. Nevermind. >>After a while Ami's crying ceased and Makoto resalised she was >>asleep. >Tom: After this, I can sleep for a week. >>'What is it with people falling asleep on me tonite?' Makoto >>wondered. TOM: Maybe you're a bed? >Mike: Your are boring girl. MIKE: The poorly-selling sequel to Yie Ar Kung Fu. >>"Poor Ami. It hasn't been easy on you, has it?" she murmered as >>she lay her friend down. When she tried to pull away, Ami made >>small, unhappy noises and tightened her grip. Sighing, for the >>thoundsandth time that evening, she reached for a blanket with >>her free hand and covered herself and Ami. >Tom: They look a snug as a bug in rug with a hole. CROW: Trust Dr. Thinker to confront the fanfic's only vaguely tender, if slightly creepy, moment with a metaphor that makes no sense whatsoever. >>The sight which greeted Rei in the morning was enough to send >>her back to bed, or convince her she was hallucinating. Sailor V >>lay drooling >Crow: dreaming have sex with someone. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: You know, I feel like using extra definite articles and pronouns just to restore a sense of balance in the universe. >>in her sleeping bag. Ami and Makoto were sleeping in >>each other's arms. Makoto had one odango on one side of her head >>and a lump of hair on the other side. Chibi-Usa was half on, >>half off the couch and would any minute now fall onto Usagi who >>was sleeping next to the couch. Usagi was scrunching up her face >>and making kissy sounds. She was also wearing Rei's favourite >>pjyamas. >Tom: She stolen Rei's pjymaas!!! (Tom's head exlpodes) ALL: [singing] Rei's pyjamas, Rei's pyjamas, she was wearing, Rei's pyjamas! In the daytime, in the ni-ight, Rei's pyjamas, no elastic. >>"This is too weird, I'm going back to bed," Rei said TOM: I hear ya, girlfriend. > and walked >>back toward the bedroom. Before she could reach the door Usagi >>screamed very loudly. Chibi-Usa had fallen on top of her. Rei >>sighed and headed back into the lounge, she wasn't going to get >>any sleep now that motormouth was awake. >Mike: The Motor-Boat is back at full speed....ahead. MIKE: [Delenn] Motor... butt? >Crow: Watch Out for Waterfalls... >Tom: And Icebergs. CROW: And Leonardo DiCaprio. >>"AIEEEEEEEEE! Nani yo? Chibi-Usa! What are you doing? I was >>having the best dream about Mamo-chan. He was giving me lots and >>lots of MIKE: Let's not go there, shall we? >> expensive chocolates," Usagi eyelids half closed and she >>nearly fell back asleep. >Tom: (Rei) WHAT HECK HAPPEN OUT HERE? TOM: She nearly fell back asleep until Rei's bout of hyperkinetic Turrette's Syndrome, apparently. >>"You should get up now anyway lazy bones!" Rei joined in, "And >>what are you doing wearing my best pair of pjyamas?" MIKE: You know, I once shot an Usagi in my pajamas. CROW: And what the Usagi was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know! >Mike: (Usagi) Beat me? TOM: You know, the extent to which Dr. Thinker is enamored of that particular joke is directly proportional to how wrong it is. >>"Huh? You have a pair like this too, Rei-chan?" Usagi was still >>half sleep. CROW: All anime females have a pair like that. >Tom: Like a fish in the ocean. >>"Like it? They're EXACTLY the same!" Rei fumed. >Tom: She have the voice to wake up the dead. >>"I forgot my pjs and..." Usagi's brain began to wake up. She >>grinned at Rei, and faded back to the clothes she had been >>wearing last night. She poked out her tounge. MIKE: This is the kind of saucy, character-driven banter that makes anime the global phenomenon it is today. >All: EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: Boy, this guy hates tongues, doesn't he. >>Ami slowly woke up, disturbed by the loud yelling and screaming. >Tom: She punchs Makoto in her eyes. MIKE: And Don King immediately shows up to sign her to an exclusive contract. CROW: Only In America. >>She could feel someone's arms around her. She quickly opened her >>eyes and saw 2 inches from her Makoto's face. Ami blushed and >Tom: And kick Makoto for being in her face. >Mike: Out for blood? >Tom: Yep. TOM: Tom Servo IS "Out For Blood". A Steven Seagal production. >>quickly pulled away. Makoto yawned and sleepily opened her eyes. >>"Ohayo Ami-chan." >>"Go... gomen nasai Mako-chan." CROW: Suddenly, the fanfic needs subtitles again. >>"What for?" >>"Last night." >>"Never apoligise for needing your friends Ami-chan," Makoto >>smiled, "We're always here for you." >>"A... arigatou Mako-chan." TOM: Well, that was actually kind of sweet, even if she did spell "apologize" wrong. >Tom: That TOO SILLY for WORDS. >Crow: Don't you mean TOO STUPID. >Mike: Both will work for me. >(Tom & Crow groans) MIKE: Someone's got a lower tolerance for schmaltz than us, guys. CROW: Is that possible? >>"Whats for breakfast? I'm starving!" asked Usagi. >Tom: I bet that she can beat Bulk and Garfield in a eating match. >Mike: You WILL win. CROW: YOU will win. No. You will WIN. No, that's not right either... TOM: Is he trying to quote the Mighty RAW? >>"You're always hungry Usagi!" shot back Rei. >>"But Chibi-Usa ate all the pizza last nite and spilt all our >>popcorn over Minako!" explained Usagi. >>"It was an accident!" protested Chibi-Usa. >>"If I die from starvation, you'll never be born Chibi-Usa!" >>threatened Usagi. MIKE: So, does this qualify as a "food fight"? >>"Pu wouldn't let that happen." Chibi-Usa correctly pointed out. TOM: Neither would Eeyore or Christopher Robin, for that matter. >ALL: (weakly) Ha, ha, ha, ha. CROW: I'd like to help you, son, but you smell like a goat. >>"Breakfast is coming right up, after I get dressed," said Makoto TOM: Makoto's bulimic, apparently. >>as soon as she could get a word in. She went into her bedroom. >>Ami grabbed her bag and headed into the bathroom. Rei >>straightened her crumpled clothes. Chibi-Usa struggled out of >>her long nighty and into her clothes. Usagi was already dressed >>so she brushed her hair and fashioned her odango. MIKE: And now that we know which rooms and states of being each character, each character's clothes, and each character's hair is in, let's continue, shall we? >Tom: To her head with a earring. CROW: If you tilt your head just right, that reads almost like one of the fancier "Babylon 5" episode titles. >>Makoto came out of her bedroom dressed in brown slacks and a >>green t-shirt. Her hair was back to it's normal style. >Crow: Ponytail that look like come from a brown Zoyitice. ALL: [dully, in unison] Whatever the hell Zoyitice means. >>"How about an American breakfast of toast, bacon and eggs?" >>asked Makoto. >ALL: YEAH!!! SOUNDS GOOD!!! MIKE: Boy, we've got the munchies big time in this twisted little parallel universe, don't we? >>"Yummy yummy!" yelled Usagi. >>"Mmmm sounds good Mako-chan," said Rei. Ami walked back into the >>lounge fully dressed. CROW: No clothing detail left unturned! >Tom: In her school outfit. >>"Is anyone going to wake Minako up?" she asked. >>"Let her sleep, I think she's having some good dreams," Makoto >>said with a wink, from the kitchen where she was beginning >>breakfast. >Tom: She start an fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOM: [singing] It always burning, since world am turning! >Crow: This fan-fic should be on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: [singing] The fanfic, the fanfic, the fanfic's on fire... >>As if on cue, Minako began to talk in her sleep again. >>"Adam, who's Lisa?... what do you mean she's a girl you >Mike: (Adam) The last Black Ranger. TOM: Not since Power Rangers in Space, he isn't. >>liked?... oh you haven't seen her in years... oh Adam I love you >>too!" >Tom: EEEEEEEEEEWW!!! Sex. >Crow: Sex I like it!! >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CROW: [erudite] Here, we see Dr. Thinker's masterful use of opposites. The ersatz Tom is disgusted by the thought of human mating practices, while the erstwhile Crow T. Robot finds them strangely compelling. The overall effect is augmented by the use of exclamation points #10,927 through #10,969, inclusive. >>Minako began to scrunch up her face as if she was kissing >>someone. >>"Is that what I look like when I'm asleep?" asked Usagi. >>"Yes!" all the girls said. Usagi blushed. >>"Ohhh Adam, you smell so good... mmmm bacon and eggs..." >>Minako's eyes opened, "Bacon and eggs? It's breakfast time >>already?" >Tom: (Makoto) Yep, you little sleep-head. >Crow: Okay. TOM: That's very... complacent... for you, Crow. CROW: Hey, I can't keep up my in your face attitude 24/7, you know. >>"Will someone butter the toast please? And set the table?" asked >>Makoto. >Crow: I like to butter you. >Mike: Crow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIKE: Dr. Thinker's seen Tampopo, hasn't he. >>"I'll do the toast," said Ami. CROW: Stupid sex jokes abound in this MSTing, yet there is none here. Coincidence? Read the book. >>"I'll set the table," voluntered Usagi. >>"You're so clumsy you'll break the dishes! I'll do it," Rei >>said, grabbing some plates. >>"Rei you're so mean!" wailed Usagi. >>Makoto dished up the bacon and eggs onto one big plate and put >>it on the table. Ami carried the toast over. >Tom: Like a school girl carries her books. TOM: In an animal-head backpack? Mike, I'm really not getting the hang of Thinker's brand of metaphor, here. >>"Minako, if you want anything to eat, I suggest you get here >>pronto!" advised Makoto as Usagi and Chibi-Usa dived into the >>food. >Tom: Like a hot knife thought butter. MIKE: New Thought Butter! From the people who brought you "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter" comes the new zero-calorie, zero-fat spread you have to have faith in to taste! >>Minako struggled up. She saw that she was still in her Sailor V >>fuku and blushed, hurriedly changing back to normal and making >>it to the table in time to grab the last piece of toast. >Tom: She chocked on it and died. >Crow: You are dark, today. TOM: Yep, my doppleganger's just choke-full of dark comments. >>"What did you guys get up to last night?" asked Rei. Ami blushed >Tom: Nothing that would be pleasure to you taste. CROW: Hey, did the Earth-2 Tom make a dirty joke there? And why didn't the Negaverse Mike yell at him? >>immediatly and ducked her head so Rei couldn't see. Usagi's >>stomach growled. Minako smiled and sighed. Chibi-Usa scowled. >>Makoto rolled her eyes. MIKE: Tonight, on Facial Expression Playhouse, "Video Night". >Tom: How do you roll your heads. CROW: Odd question, considering the paragraph before said nothing about head-rolling. >Crow: Just relax, it's own a rotten fan-fiction. >>"Ookay, now how about this time telling me in words?" >>"Nothing," said Ami. >>"Chibi-Usa made me starve," said Usagi. >>"I dreamt of Andy, except I kept calling him Adam for some >>reason, but he was so cute!" said Minako. >>"Usagi made me go to bed early!" said Chibi-Usa. >>"Everyone else fell asleep on me," said Makoto, then looked at >>Ami and added, "Literallly in some cases." Ami blushed again and >>said, "Gomen." ALL: [singing] It's rainin' Gomen! Hallelujah! >>"And I thought I told you not to apolgise?" Makoto said smiling. >>"Gomen Mako-chan, I won't do it again." >>"Ami-chan!" Everyone collasped into giggles, including Ami. >Tom: This was stink like one of Dr. Thinker's fan-fiction. MIKE: Can't argue with that... >Crow: At least they was not notes. >>--- >>Footnotes >ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHH >(Tom's head and Crow's head explodes) >Mike: Look like I'm alone. CROW: I guess they was notes after all. >>[1] - I'm refering to Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, of which the >>first season used the fighting footage from the Japanese show >>Kouru Sentai ZyuRanger. Yes I know I romanised it differently in >>the story :) TOM: Do either of you even remember what these footnotes were referring to? MIKE: At this point, I can barely remember my name. >Mike: Ju or Zyu, it is still the stupid source for 50 out of the >60's first season eposides of "Power Rangers". CROW: Ah, yes, the 60's Power Rangers, much campier than the modern Frank-Miller inspired Power Rangers: The Animated Series. >>[2] - Boi is the yellow ranger in ZyuRanger. >Mike: Boy is who you spell it, brainless other. ALL: [burst out laughing] MIKE: Oh, Dr. Thinker! You've done it again! >>[3] - This does work, take it from someone who's tried it :) CROW: Just send five dollars to everyone on this list... >Mike: No, thanks >[4] - It's "The Curse". >Mike: The curse of the stupid fan-ficton. Let me out of here!! MIKE: Speaking of curses, my 8th Dimension counterpart gets to leave before I do. >------------------------------------------------------- > >(SOL) CROW: Yes. Yes, we are. >(Tom & Crow are back to normal. Mike is standing in the middle of >Crow and Tom) TOM: We refer to this as "first position". >Mike: Good and Bad about his fan-fiction. >Crow: Good..some sex. Bad..no many Japanese words. >Mike: He is a RAM CHIP. >Crow: Thanks. >Mike: Tom, your turn. >Tom: Tom, Good..the plot. Bad-the spellings. >Mike: I couldn't say it better myself. He's a ram chip. What do >you think, sir? MIKE: That was like the Reader's Digest Condensed Books version of Joel's entire first year, translated into German and back again. >(DEEP 13) >(Dr. Thinker is holding a labcomputer) CROW: And it explodes. Killing him. TOM: Out for blood? CROW: Yeah. >Dr. Thinker: Fine job, nice. I watch you for a bit. I wonder why >you fell a sleep? ALL: BECAUSE YOU WROTE IT THAT WAY! >Mike: (off-screen) The plot was turning out on. >Crow & Tom: (off-screen) Yep. >Dr. Thinker: I just learn that Dr. F win that Zoanikon Award, CROW: He beat out Zoyitice for it. Whatever either of those things mean. >finally. It's power is make the idea go over 100%. He win it a >tape of "This Insland Earth!" Time for me to push the button. MIKE: There is a God. >BANG! ALL: Huh? TOM: The button does NOT "Bang". CROW: It "Fwoosh"es. It's always "Fwoosh"ed. As long as there was a button to push, that button, that button, that button went "fwoosh". >(Mike, Crow & Tom screams over the credits) MIKE: Not a bad idea. Maybe we should try that. >THE END. ALL: Or IS IT? >---------------------------------------------------------------- >Hey. Enjoy. E-Mail me! >----------------------------------------------------------------- CROW: No thanks. To either one. Let's go. [Door Sequence] [SOL Bridge. Hundreds of Crows, Servos, and Mikes are milling about.] TOM: [shouting] WHAT'S GOING ON! CROW: [ditto] LOOKS LIKE THE BOUNDARY BETWEEN THE FICTIONAL UNIVERSES HAS BEEN WEAKENED BY OUR ITERATIVE RIFFING! MIKE: [Same, and I'll stop with the caps now. You get the picture] Whatever that means! CROW: It's simple! By us making fun of us making fun of something, we've broken the metaphorical fifth and sixth walls, which separate our universe from the fictionverse. TOM; Well, what do we do about it! [The Hexfield Viewscreen opens to reveal a man in a yellow lab coat.] ALL: Dr. Thinker! [Suddenly, there is a sort of tingly, whooshy, popping noise as all the excess Toms, Crows, and Mikes disappear. A series of cuts reveals that Pearl's guests and the space wreckage have similarly vanished.] MIKE: Wow. Dr. Thinker saved us. [Dr. Thinker smiles, waves, and vanishes] CROW: That was odd. TOM: This can mean only one of two things. First, Dr. Thinker is a being of incredible cosmic power... MIKE: [Dubious] Yes? And? TOM: ...or he's so scary that nobody would voluntarily share a universe with him. CROW: Place your bets, ladies and gents. [Castle Forrester] PEARL: [Distraught, angry] No! All my beautiful world domination plans! They're gone! [Pearl spots one stray piece of paper out of the corner of her eye, and pounces on it.] PEARL: Yes! One plan left! Now I shall... now I shall... an invoice? For consulting services? From the Organization for Evil Overlord Quality Assurance Team? Oh, you'll pay for this, Nelson. Just you wait. [Fwoosh] This MSTing is satire/parody/whatever. No personal attack is intended toward Dr. Thinker. Really. Even from Gypsy. She's a very forgiving soul. Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. People should watch their show and buy their stuff and make them rich. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Stinger: >Gypsp: Or else, he will craw you to death...OH!! NOW!! I beening >spending two mean times with Tom in Holobranca.