From: Roland Warner Subject: MiSTed: James Cameron - 33rd Degree Mason (1/3) Date: 1999/07/21 Message-ID: <37959D1C.719E@vnet.net> X-Deja-AN: 503477966 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 X-Trace: ralph.vnet.net 932552026 166.82.226.19 (Wed, 21 Jul 1999 06:13:46 EDT) Organization: Hobgoblins, Inc. MIME-Version: 1.0 Reply-To: toms...@vnet.net NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 21 Jul 1999 06:13:46 EDT Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc I'm back! Not that any of you probably noticed I was gone. And with me, I bring my latest MiSTing, a sequel to "The James Cameron Conspiracy Theory", "James Cameron - 33rd Degree Mason"! Now, this isn't the same author as before, but another net.kook with wilder ideas! Hold tight to your loved ones, because this thing is gonna rock your world! (Or shake it mildly, depending upon how stable the ground is in your area.) Roland, where's the beef?, Warner ----- [Season 9 Theme] [@...1...2...3...4...5...6...*] [We open on Mike standing with Tom and Crow, but the bots look different. Crow's chest piece is made out of translucent gold panels, and Tom's barrel is translucent red, and streamlined.] Mike: Hi, everyone. Mike Nelson, Satellite of Love. As you can see, I've done a little bit of retrofitting on the 'bots. Inspired by the recent success of the "iMac," I've converted the 'bots into more aesthetically pleasing "iBot" forms. Crow: Mike, this is great and all, but I feel cheap, like this is all a shallow, trendy attempt to increase my popularity in the face of other, more popular, more highly-advertised competitors. Tom: Yeah, and didn't we agree you weren't going to try repairs on us anymore? It was bad enough when Joel would dress us up like farm animals, or make us into the thing with two heads. Crow: So now we have to wear these completely useless translucent panels? I feel so naked... [Crow shivers] Mike: But guys, it'll increase your appeal, make you easier on the eyes! And you're available in five fruit flavors! Tom: Look, just give it up, Nelson! This kind of empty gesture might pump up Apple's market share, but it won't help our ratings. Crow: Yeah, next thing you know, you'll be buying commercial time during the Super Bowl, telling everyone if they don't watch us, they'll be the only ones vulnerable to widespread social collapse when the Y2K bug kicks in. Mike: That's not - Hmmmm. Hey, that might work. Tom: D'oh! Good one, Crow! Don't give him ideas like that! [Gypsy suddenly comes in from stage right, with huge translucent purple side panels.] Gypsy: I'm grape! [Gypsy leaves] Tom: O-o-o-okay, that's it, I'm outta here. [Tom whirls away] Crow: [shaking his head] Shameful little man. [Mads' Light flashes.] Mike: *sigh* Faith Popcorn and her two unpopped kernels are calling. [Mike hits the button.] [CF] [Castle Forrester has been converted into a small theater and a group of people are sitting in fold-out chairs with headphones on. Pearl is standing in front of them, speaking into a microphone.] Pearl: Hello, and welcome to the introduction of "TheatreVision", the brand new technology which allows even the blind to enjoy the unbelievable crap Hollywood produces every year! [Aside to Mike and the Bots.] Oh - hi, iLosers. I've finally found something worth investing in! Inspired by your conspiracy rant today, I've introduced these blind folks to "TheatreVision", a new invention that'll describe everything going on in what you're about to watch! They'll even hear your comments and everything. And once they're done, I'll control their minds and take over the world! [SoL] Tom: You're going to take over the world with a handful of visually impaired people? [CF] Pearl: No, you little red nimrod! I'll have the technology installed in theaters around the country! Alls I have to do is tell them it gives the the excuse to jack up the price of Goobers and soft drinks! Anyway, today's conspiracy is one you should know quite well - it's called "James Cameron - 33rd Degree Freemason"! That's right! More Conspiracy with only half the Cameron and more crap! [Back to the audience.] So, without further ado, sit back and - [An Audience Member raises his hand.] Pearl: *sigh* What is it? Steve: Where's the free all-you-can-eat buffet you promised? Pearl: That can wait! Just sit down and listen! [Observer rushes in.] Observer: STOP! Pearl, you can't do this! I refuse to just sit here and allow you to torture these poor innocent people with something *this* horrible! Pearl: Since when did you develop a conscience, Whitey? Observer: You don't understand - I've seen this! It showed up on my home planet many eons ago - something to do with elctromagnetism and microwaves or something. Anyway, it drove poor Observer mad! It took not only Observer and Observer, but Observer to restrain him! Pearl: Oooh, that makes it the perfect choice then, doesn't it? Observer: No! I refuse to allow this! No one should be subjected to this! Not even those ninnies up there! Pearl: Brain Guy, you're *ruining* this for everyone! [She grabs his braindish and tosses it out the window.] Observer: NO! By all the moons over Fla- ah. Um. Heh. I like leaves. I'm going to go sort my poison ivy collections now. [Observer ambles off and Pearl turns to the screen and smiles evilly.] [SoL] [Mike has a screwdriver out and all three bots are back to their normal forms.] Crow: Jeez, Mike, all of a sudden, I feel plain and unappealing. Tom: Yeah, Mike. Those side panels made me feel more aerodynamic... and taller, too! Mike: You guys are never happy, are you? [Lights flash, Chaos ensues.] Mike: Great, and now we've got Conspiracy.Sign! [*...6...5...4...3...2...1...@] [Mike carries Tom into the theater, followed by Crow and places Tom on his seat.] > JAMES CAMERON - 33RD DEGREE FREEMASON Mike: It's 33 degrees freemason out, but the wind chill actually makes it feel like minus 15 degrees freemason. Tom: Aw, man, I'll never figure out the metric system if they keep changing the terminology like that! > > In the James Cameron Conspiracy Theory, it was symbolically proven that > James Cameron, director of the Terminator films, Aliens, the Abyss, True > Lies and Titanic is a 33rd Degree Freemason. Crow: I hope you took notes, you will be quizzed. > In the tradition of > Freemasonry, Tom: ...bricks were cemented together, and there was no charge. > 33rd degree Masons have access to priveleged information > regarding the workings of world events and knowledge that is hidden from > the public. Crow: They know what brand of cigar Clinton uses. Tom: They know what was supposed to be going on with "The X-Files" Mike: They know what Madonna's original hair color was. Tom & Crow: Wow!!!! > > After being instated as a 33rd Degree Freemason in a brief ceremony before > the Academy Awards on March 23rd, 1998 in the Shrine Auditorium in Los > Angeles, Crow: Apparently, all of the World Domination awards were given out before the televised portion. Tom: Well, it's a tight show. > Cameron has spent his free time being initiated into the secrets > of the fraterinity and being assisted by other 33rd Degree Freemasons. > Recent events prove this for a fact. Mike: [Writers] But I'm going to ignore those and offer completely meaningless coincidences as proof instead. > > On Thursday November 5th, in Houston, Texas, the Loews Cineplex Spectrum > theatre hosted an event marking the debut of TheatreVision technology in > that city. Crow: The event was marked by a barbecue, turkey shoot, and the raising of the price of crude oil to $38.75 a barrel. > TheatreVision technology allows blind persons to listen to a > narration of events taking place on the screen in-between moments of > dialogue and during action sequences. Mike: Yeah, let's describe Bruce Willis's big, meaty, sullen face in excruciating detail so even the blind can be annoyed by "Armageddon"! > > The event was arranged by RP International, a charitable group that helps > the blind. Crow: See?!? See how sinister they are, out helping the blind and all!? > Three of the films screen during this event were "Titanic", > "Quest for Camelot" and "Mulan". Titanic began running on the projectors at > 3:33 PM. Mike: That must have been fun. [Narrator] Sinking. Still sinking. You may want to get a snack. > > Attendees at this event included the founder of RP International > Helen Harris, who's organization combats retinitis pigmentosa a > degenerative eye disease, Mike: Obviously, a base villain! > director James Cameron and former President > George Bush. Tom: [Narrator] "Dan Quayle was invited, but was unable to spell 'Houston' in the note to his mother." > This event was part of a Theatre Vision "Festival of Light" to > bring this technology to theatres across America. After the charity event, > Cameron and Bush were both at a private banquet at the Houston Country > Club. Mike: Boy, ya gotta wonder what *that* conversation was like. Crow: [Bush] Hi. I presided over the fall of communism and a successful and popular war, but got my electoral butt whipped by a mealy-mouthed glad-hander. Tom: [Cameron] Really? I made a string of plot-impaired, effects-laden films, then won an Oscar and married one gorgeous babe after another. > > Why is the presence of George Bush so significant? Tom: A question millions ask every day. Mike: It keeps Ross Perot from hanging around. > It's known that > George Bush was the former director of the CIA in the 1970's, > Vice-President to Ronald Reagan during the 80's and President of the United > States from 1988 to 1992. Mike: What isn't known is that he's currently the president of the Backstreet Boys' fan club! > But it's also known that Bush is a 33rd Degree > Freemason, member of both the Council on Foreign Relations and the > Trilateral Commission Crow: Yeah, baby! Let's kick this conspiracy theory off with a bang! > and a member of the Harvard fraternities known as the > "Skull and Bones" and "Scroll and Key". Mike: And "Bubble and Squeak". Crow: And "Sifl And Olly". Tom: And "Chief and McCloud". > > Another interesting revelation in the James Cameron Conspiracy Theory is > that MK-ULTRA mind control technology, developed by the CIA in the 1950's > was embedded into Cameron's films from the beginning of his career to the > present. Tom: [MK ULTRA] YOU WILL LIKE CELINE DION. Mike: There's only so much that a control ray can do. > > MK-ULTRA came to an end in 1973 on orders from then CIA Director Richard > Helms. After Helms left the CIA, George Bush became director under > President Gerald Ford in 1974. Crow: Whoa! Too much information! Mike: Crow, that is NOT what he meant by that. Crow: Mike, it says right there... > According to Freedom of Information Act > Sources, Bush had many files relating to MK-ULTRA and mind control > technology destroyed or hidden under a new project name called MK-SEARCH. Mike: Then, in 1997, it went public as the latest web-based search engine, "www.MK-SEARCH.com", and now it's worth $500 skadillion. Crow: "I AM MK-...!" [Mike puts his hand over Crow's beak.] > > When Cameron began his film career at age 30 in the late 1970's, he > was already a member of the Freemasons from the age of 21, possibly > introduced to the fraternity by his father, Phillip Cameron. Mike: [Little James Cameron] Daddy, can I join an evil secret society? > Since a group > of Freemasons helped Cameron finance his film projects while they secretly > embedded MK-ULTRA technology into his films, it's logical to conclude that > the person controlling MK-ULTRA technology under project MK-SEARCH at that > time was none other than George Bush, Director of the CIA and a 33rd Degree > Mason. Crow: [George Bush] And I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids and their spammer. > > Which brings us back to Houston, Texas, November 5th, 1998. Titanic began > playing at 3:33 PM. Mike: [Narrator] "Since every single teenage girl in the audience saw it *twice,* double that number to get 6:66. Need I say more?" > The timing of the showing of Titanic is symbolic > because of the presence of "33" in 3:33 which would be symbolic of 33rd > Degree Freemasons who timed the event. Crow: Hi! We're a sinister global conspiracy, but we're a *fun-loving* sinister global conspiracy! That's why we're leaving a series of subtle clues for you to find! Mike: Yeah, I can just picture the old projectionist in the booth hitting his chest, giving an arcane salute, and saying, "I hail you, Dark Lord Cameron!" > > According to Helen Harris, Titanic was the "first" film in Theatre > Vision in which the director has described his own work. Tom: Which explains why blind people were falling asleep in droves. > In the > conspiracy theory about Cameron, it described how Dr. Donald Ewen Cameron, Tom: This conspiracy has two - two - two Camerons in one! > the father of MK-ULTRA would record his voice and play it to patients as a > form of mind control. Could James Cameron's voice overs in Titanic be used > for the same purposes, for mind control? Mike: Well, that would give the movie a sense of *purpose*. > > Theatre Vision theatres provide special head phones to the blind which > allows them to listen to the film and the voice overs describing action. Mike: They tried special glasses first, but, all things considered, found that plan to be of limited use. > Harris had also stated that people who aren't sight impaired are using the > headsets provided and don't put them down. Perhaps a clue to the power of > subliminal voice patterns being introduced into this technology? Tom: Perhaps a clue to what lazy asses people are? > Could this > be the reason George Bush attended this event, to see the fruitition of a > new generation of MK-ULTRA mind control technology being used on the > unsuspecting public? Crow: Actually, Barbara was just trying to get him out of the house so she could get some cleaning done. > > Eventually, the plan of Theatre Vision and Helen Harris is to embed > this technology into every motion picture in theatres and on video. Mike: What a devious plan! This is almost as sinister as closed-captioning! > Harris described the introduction of this technology to the film industry > as "an enlightening experience". An obvious Freemasonic reference, which > may make Harris a member of the Order of the Eastern Star, the Freemasonic > women's organization. Tom: Yeah, instead of world domination, these Masons knit quilts and have hat parties. > > The adaption of the motion picture business to cater to the needs of the > sight impaired is a noble cause, but is it being twisted for alterior > purposes Mike: "Alterior"? Tom: Maybe he means for "alternator purposes", and Cameron's going into the car parts business. > behind the scenes by 33rd Degree Freemason George Bush as part of > a conditioning process to prepare the public for the coming New World > Order? Crow: So, the CIA is using vast resources and black ops in order to promote wrestling? No wonder they missed India's nuclear testing. All: [Announcer] Are you ready for Hulkamania?!? > > Since Freemasonry consists of two factions known as the Law of One and the > Sons of Belial, the struggle for the outcome of the future is constantly > being fought between them. Crow: Republicans and Democrats. Mike: No honey, don't give him any ideas... > James Cameron has been proven to be a member of > the Law of One by his actions in the James Cameron Conspiracy Theory and > that his early career was nearly taken over by the Sons of Belial who tried > to corrupt Cameron. Mike: [Belial Leader] Jimmy, come to the Dark Side! Together we shall become an unstoppable team and rule the universe! Tom: [Cameron] I'll never join you! > While Cameron was writing the script for the film > "Strange Days", his research led him to the truth of his manipulation by > the Sons of Belial and his turning towards the Law of One. Tom: Too bad it didn't lead him to write a decent script for "Strange Days". > > The actions of George Bush proved which side he was on. Tom: The side of the nerds. > He helped destroy > and change records regarding MK-ULTRA mind control technology back in the > 1970's as Director of the CIA. Crow: Later, he became Vice President and just didn't have the time for that sort of hobby. > Bush is alleged to have been involved in the > smuggling of drugs from Central America to the U.S. in conjunction with the > Iran/Contra scandal from the 1980's and was the person who publicly uttered > the words "New World Order" in front of the entire world. Crow: Then he flew off the turnbuckle and clotheslined The Giant! Mike: Huh? Tom: More wrestling stuff Mike, don't worry your little coconut about it. > It's obvious he > is a member of the Sons of Belial faction. Crow: I figured it out! This guy's Ross Perot! Mike: C'mon, Crow! This guy's not Perot, he's just a paranoid delusional with strange ideas and an agenda against - George - Bush... [Long Pause] Crow: You were saying? Mike: Never mind. > > Another point that was made in the James Cameron Conspiracy Theory was the > use of MK-ULTRA in the motion picture field being used for the purposes of > conditioning the human race for the arrival of extra-terrestrials. Tom: So, it's George Bush's fault that we get stuck with all of these lousy 50's movies? > Have you > ever wondered why the UFO craze began in the 1950's, a time that was only > three years after the crash of the spacecraft in Roswell, New Mexico in > 1947, a time when Joseph McCarthy was witch hunting suspected communists > and early MK-ULTRA research was being performed on unwitting human subjects > by the CIA in Canada? Mike: That was a lot to ask in one sentance. Tom: Par for the course with this guy. > For the ultimate purpose of conditioning the human > race to be subjugated by a large event beyond their control, an > extra-terrestrial invasion that will bring the world into the New World > Order as envisioned by the Sons of Belial faction of Freemasonry. Mike: Yeah, I know I was lulled into a false sense of security by "Earth vs. the Flying Saucers" and "Plan 9 From Outer Space." > > In March of 1997, a large extra-terrestrial spacecraft appeared > over Phoenix, Arizona, more commonly known as the "Phoenix Lights". Crow: All the regnerative power of our regular immortal bird, but with only a third of the firey plumage. > James Cameron was inducted as a 32nd Degree Freemason at the main > Freemasonic Lodge in Phoenix and at this time learned of a "coming event" > that will have serious reprecussions for the city of Phoenix and for the > world. Tom: But mostly for the city of Phoenix. Crow: As I always suspected, the Apocalypse will begin in Phoenix. > The lights were dismissed in the media by the Sons of Belial as > "military flares". It's a common tactic to cover up extra-terrestrial > visitations as "military experiments" and has been used since the Roswell > crash in 1947. Mike: I dunno, Yeah, fifty years is an awful long time for one flare to last. > > This "coming event" was revealed to the Freemasons in Phoenix, Arizona as > the arrivial of extra-terrestrials who will betray the trust of humanity, > destroy the city of Phoenix and cause massive environmental changes all > over the Earth. Mike: And use your toothbrushes without permission! Tom: Rip tags off of mattresses! Crow: Never remember to flush! > James Cameron, as a 32nd Degree Freemason, wasn't supposed > to know this information, which explains why he was inducted as a 33rd > Degree Freemason at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles with an informal > ceremony. Mike: What? He discovered thier secret plans and they promoted him? Crow: What a bunch of wusses. Tom: Yeah, if it was my secret organization I'd have killed his pasty butt. > Cameron's induction took place in a small room inside the Shrine > while celebrities and movie stars were filing inside for the March 23rd, > 1998 Academy Awards. Cameron would formally become a 33rd Degree Freemason > at The Supreme Council 33° Temple in Washington, D.C. on his birthday. Tom: [Willard Scott] It's currently 33 degrees in our nation's capital, and let's send birthday wishes out to Enid Torgeson of Brainerd, Minnesota, who is 100 years young today! Also, let's all hail our dark lord James Cameron, who's also celebrating a birthday today! > Cameron had hinted at what he knew when he accepted the best picture Oscar > for "Titanic". In his acceptance speech, he said the "future is unknowable, > the unthinkable can happen and that life is precious". Mike: Yes, and his stupid "I'm the king of the world" outburst was equally filled with secret meaning. > > In regards to the arrival of extra-terrestrials and the destruction of > Phoenix, Arizona, the SETI(Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) > Institute detected a signal in the direction of the star called EQ Pegasi > in the Pegasus Constellation in September of 1998. Tom: Signaling the arrival of the Mighty Hercules and his goofy little centaur, Newton. Crow: Uh-oh, Daedalus must be up to something. > > The SETI institute dismissed the signal and no attention was paid > to it until an amateur radio astronomer named Paul Dore in England > picked up the same signal. Tom: Turns out it was Radio Free Tattooine. Go figure. > A series of strange events ranging from a called > off press conference, a SETI denial and then support of the theory of the > signal, intimidation of Mr. Dore by the NSA and disinformation put out in > the press has been decoded with Freemasonic symbolism by Richard C. > Hoagland of the Enterprise Mission. This became known as the EQ Pegasus > Saga. Crow: And somehow, this led to the movie "Contact". Mike: Cameron didn't direct that. Wasn't involved with it in any way. Tom: Yeah, but "Contact" starred Jodie Foster, who was in "The Accused" with Kelly McGillis, who was in "Top Gun" with Meg Ryan, who was in "Sleepless in Seattle" with Tom Hanks, who was in "Apollo 13" with Ed Harris, who was in "The Abyss", which *was* a movie directed by James Cameron! Whaddaya think of *that*?!? Mike: I think you've been spending too much time at the IMDb. > > According to Hoaglands decoding of this symbology, the name Pegasus is > symbolic of "death" and is represented by a "horse with wings". Crow: Boy, imagine having to clean off your windshield after a flock of *those* go over! > Hoagland > pointed out that many symbols dealing with Pegasus are used in corporate > entities have relation to this behind the scenes symbology including Mobil > Oil. Mike: [ominously] And, of course.... My Little Pony. > > In the James Cameron Conspiracy theory it stated that the name for > the movie "Terminator 2: Judgment Day" was symbolic of "destruction > that is coming that is beyond control". Mike: And just think of all the poor saps who think it's symbolic of being a sequel to a movie called "The Terminator". > The film was distributed in the > U.S. by Tri-Star Pictures. Guess what their logo is? A white horse with > wings. In symbolic terms: "Pegasus" or death. Tom: Evident in the way they went bankrupt then sold out to Sony. Mike: Hey, the door's open! Let's get out of here while we can! [Mike picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater.] [@...1...2...3...4...5...6...*] [Tom is standing in the center, with Mike standing to his right. That's Tom's right, not the reader's right. No, that's Tom's left! Okay, raise both your hands in the air. Good, now, drop the one on your right. See that hand still up? That's Tom's right. Look, I know it's your left, but since Tom is-aw, hell, Mike's standing stage left!] Mike: Phew, glad we got that settled. So, what did you want, Tom? Tom: Well Mike, in the spirit of today's sequel to "The James Cameron Conspiracy Theory", "James Cameron - 33rd Degree Mason", I present to you the new, improved, "Mystery Science Theater 4000" to be debuted on the "Mexican Off-Road Monster Truck Wrestling Network"! Mike: New and improved? But everything's fine just the way it is! Tom: Yeah, I guess so, but haven't you noticed we've been having some problems with the network ever since new management took over? Well, if this doesn't raise our ratings, we'll hafta move to a new network and this might just help us out! Mike: Okay, I'll play along for now. What're the new improvements? Tom: [Announcer Voice] I present to you, the new Crow! [Crow jumps up from under the counter. We see our little gold friend has, in fact, become out little blue friend - he's still the same old Crow, but he's been entirely painted a loud, neon blue.] Crow: Here I am! The all new, all diff- hey, waitasecond! Why aren't any of you different? Tom: Um, that'll take a little bit of explaining. Crow: You said that *everything* would change, not just me! Tom: No can do , Crow! Marketing tests prove Mike and I attract more female viewers. Women are attracted to my free-spirited nature and handsome figure! Don't ask me how Mike does it - I guess the poor clod here shows women what not to look for in a man. Mike: Hey! Tom: Anyway, most people commented that the only thing of yours that affects the show is your voice, and changing it might confuse long- time viewers. Crow: So why do I got the blues? Tom: This way, you'll attract more male viewers, since blue is the universal color of men! Mike: You really put a lot of thought into this, haven't you Tom? Tom: You betcha, Mike! I mean, someone's got to make the improvements around here and, well, quite frankly, I haven't exactly seen *you* contributing anything! Mike: Hold on, that's kind of an unfair judgement. Back on Earth, I was- [Lights flash, chaos ensues.] Mike: I'll tell you later, we've got MASON.SIGN!! From: Roland Warner Subject: MiSTed: James Cameron - 33rd Degree Mason (2/3) Date: 1999/07/21 Message-ID: <37959D4D.4421@vnet.net> X-Deja-AN: 503477973 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii X-Trace: ralph.vnet.net 932552070 166.82.226.19 (Wed, 21 Jul 1999 06:14:30 EDT) Organization: Hobgoblins, Inc. MIME-Version: 1.0 Reply-To: toms...@vnet.net NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 21 Jul 1999 06:14:30 EDT Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc [*...6...5...4...3...2...1...@] > > According to Hoagland's findings, an event will take place on December 7th, > 1998 outside of Phoenix, Arizona. The exact location will be exactly in the > center of the state of Arizona, 30 miles west of Peson, Arizona on Turret > Mountain which is due east of state route 17. Crow: I get the feeling this guy does a lot of mashed-potato-sculpting. > > According to Hoagland, these extra-terrestrials could very well be > the same aliens who built the complex at Cydonia on Mars and the > Face on Mars and will be visiting an ancient "Phoenix" that existed 300,000 > years ago underneath the present city of Phoenix. Crow: According to this conspiracy rip off, Ancient Astronauts visited Earth in order to JUMP UP MY BUTT! > According to the third > page of the James Cameron Conspiracy Theory, these extra-terrestrials were > survivors of an exploded planet that existed between the orbits of Mars and > Jupiter. Crow: Vulcan? Tom: Tattooine? Mike: Krypton? > The planet was known as "FENEX" the ancient name for Phoenix. Mike: Fortunately, Fenex is now available over-the-counter in prescription strength. > These aliens founded the ancient civilization known as "MU" in the American > Southwest. Crow: It was - THE KINGDOM OF THE COWS!!!! > > From the decoding of Freemasonic symbolism in NASA and the U.S. Government, > Hoagland says this event will be the possible landing of extra-terrestrials > who won't be friendly and their arrival could turn out to be an > "INDEPENDENCE DAY" scenario for Phoenix, Arizona Tom: Meaning they'll be saved at the last second by Randy Quaid and his trusty Sopwith Camel. > and will wake up the > entire world to the existence of extra-terrestrial life and will play into > the hands of the Sons of Belial Faction of Freemasonry who are working to > bring in a New World Order that will subjugate humanity. Crow: And on a lighter note - clowns! > > People have been prepared for this over the course of several years by > what's known as the "MILITARY/INDUSTRIAL/HOLLYWOOD" complex. Tom: Yes, any of these can give you a complex. > The existence > of the Military/Industrial/Hollywood complex has been proven by the use of > Freemasonic symbolism interconnecting the three of them. > > Here's an example; Crow: Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar... wait, have you heard this one? > > Two current films, "Apt Pupil" and "Urban Legend" are being co-produced by > two film companies, Tri-Star(Pegasus) Pictures and Phoenix Pictures. Both > Tri-Star(Pegasus) and Phoenix Pictures are susidiaries of Sony/Columbia > Pictures. Tom: So why don't the conspiracy theorists ever tie together *good* movies in their conspiracies? > You can see the obvious connection between Pegasus and Phoenix as > pointed out eariler. Major chains of movie theatres use the Sony Dynamic > Digital Sound (SDDS) system for their movies. Mike: *gasp* It's a conspiracy to deafen people! Crow: But doesn't that defeat the purpose of the sound system? > > The symbol in the logo of SDDS is a tetrahedral pyramid. > Tetrahederal shapes are common place in the ruins on Mars in the > Cydonia region and when a tetrahedral pyramid is placed inside of a sphere > with one point at a pole(South in this case), the other three points are at > 19.5 Degrees of Laditude in the opposite hemisphere(North). Mike: Which proves... what, exactly? Tom: That upside-down pyramids are keen, I guess. > The tetrahedral > shape has also been found by Hoagland to be in symbols for agencies of the > United States government, ancient Egyptian Mythology and in Freemasonic > Symbolism. > Crow: So? It's a basic shape, I mean - c'mon! Mike: Remember, Crow, there's no room in the world of the James Cameron Conspiracy for mere coincidence. > The Sony Dynamic Digital Sound system is used in the Loews Cineplex Chain > of theatres. The debut of the MK-ULTRA technology via the Theatre Vision > technology, witnessed by George Bush and James Cameron, both 33rd Degree > Masons, took place in the Loews Cineplex 9 Theatre in Houston, Texas. Crow: No matter how many times you repeat yourself, it still doesn't make any sense. Mike: [Picard] THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS! > The > MK-ULTRA technology, an offshoot of the MILITARY/INDUSTRIAL segment of the > "Military/Industrial/Hollywood" complex was used in a theatre using the > SDDS system, an offshoot of the "HOLLYWOOD" segment of the > "Military/Industrial/Hollywood" complex. Tom: And later "The Military Industrial Hollywood Complex" had several more spin-offs: "Rhoda," "Fraiser," "Petticoat Junction,"... > > Even Hollywood itself is symbolic. The word "Hollywood" refers to > wood from a Holly tree that is used for magic wands in occult > rituals. Tom: ARGH! Mike: Easy boy, now he's just making stuff up... Crow: For those playing along at home, Hollywood is named for Hollywoodland, a suburb of Los Angeles. That's what that big sign used to say before the "land" part fell off. Tom: Now back to our crappy conspiracy theory... > Is it really any accident that the biggest and best special > effects company in Hollywood is called Industrial "Light & Magic"? Mike: Any second now, he'll stun us with the revelation that George Lucas is not only a 33rd degree mason, but a grandmaster adept! > > Therefore this interconnection of symbolism between the U.S. Government, > Industry and Entertainment conglomerates proves the existence of the > "MILITARY/INDUSTRIAL/HOLLYWOOD" complex in a tetrahedral structure with > Freemasonry as it's most secret point at the apex(top). Mike: Military... industry... movies... the freemasons just can't figure out who they want to dominate with their lives. Tom: But Mike, there are so many uses for Lip Gloss that you just can't limit it to movie-making! > > With all of this Tetrahedral geometry, which originated with aliens > who built the Face on Mars and the Cydonia complex, Mike: Geez, now it's the Military/Industrial/Hollywood/Cydonia complex! Tom: I'm getting a complex about all these complexes! > being present > within intricate connections in a Military/Industrial/Hollywood complex > controlled by the Freemasons, don't you find it a little conveinent that > one of James Cameron's upcoming projects will be a tv mini-series on the > FOX network about the planet Mars? Tom: Yeah, and the fact that we've spent billions to explore the planet and seen those spectacular photos has nothing to do with it. Crow: And don't forget the Athena mission Stephen's sending up there. > As Richard Hoagland says "...coincidence > after coincidence after coincidence". When does something stop being a > coincidence and become fused into reality as a new paradigm? Mike: I call stinger. Crow: Mike, never before has the essence of paranoid conspiracy theorists been so expertly distilled into a single sentence. I agree. Tom: Guys, that last sentence brought me to tears. How shockingly honest and candid! He's basically saying to us, "I'm full of it, and I don't care!" > > In short, the Military/Industrial/Hollywood complex which allowed James > Cameron to build his career and got him initiated as a 33rd Degree > Freemason, will be used to either bring in the New World Order or a Pax > Humana. Tom: Pax Humana? Man, I can't keep track of all these new wrestling groups. > > UPDATE > WHAT HAPPENED ON DECEMBER 7TH? Tom: Ah, I see where he's going with this! Because George Bush forgot on which day Pearl Harbor happened, he's obviously a mind-control dupe and unfit to rule! Crow: Yeah. Sure, Servo. Next thing you'll be saying that Dan Quayle's misspelling "potato" is a clue to a race of Potato People living under Idaho. Tom: Hey, that's not bad! Crow: Uh huh. Right. > > On December 6th, a large snow storm appeared in Southern California and > moved into Nevada and Arizona. The storm dumped snow on San Diego, Las > Vegas and Phoenix and approached blizzard conditions which is very strange > for this time of year. Mike: You think that's strange, that same day, it rained beanie babies in Medicine Hat, Sasketchewan. > This was too weird, even for the so-called "La-nina" > event. > > On December 7th, Richard Hoagland of the Enterprise Mission Mike: [Shatner] toexPLORE - STRANGE - newWORLDS! > and Michael > Bara found several pieces of information in relation to the "landing" at > Turret Mountian. According to radar images, the snow storm had a circular > shape and completely surrounded Turret Mountian on December 6th into the > 7th. Mike: I see... all of those wacky Freemason kids manipulated the weather so they could have a snow day! > There was also a large ELF CROW: It's the Keebler Goon Squad! > (Extremely Low Frequency) pulse at about > 2:27 AM Mountian Time (4:27 AM Eastern) that came from the vicinity of > Turret Mountian. Mike: He's... really convinced that "mountain" is spelled that way, huh? Crow: He's probably trying to break the tyranny of his 4th-grade spelling teacher, who was "obviously" a Freemason. > Also, on December 6th, this strange snowstorm supposedly > caused several roads to be blocked including a four mile stretch of > Interstate 17. Crow: So a blizzard, in December, that closes roads, is a sign of a conspiracy? Tom: Wow! This goes deeper than we thought! > > After reading Hoagland's and Bara's webpage posting on Lunaranomalies.com, Tom: "Lunara noma lies?" Crow: "Luna ranom alies?" Mike: "Lu Naran O'Malies?" Tom: Oh, yeah, she's that famous Irish poet. > yours truly Daniel Perez Crow: Our kook has a name! Yey! > had suspected that HAARP(High Altitude Auroral > Research Project) was responsible for the snowstorm surrounding Turret > Mountian. Tom: Okay, magic wood? ELF? HAARP? How much do you want to be that this guy played "Dungeons and Dragons" as a kid? Mike: Tom, HAARP is to conspiracy theorists as ion storms are to Star Trek - they can do anything! > According to a book written by Nick Begich called "Angels Don't > Play this HAARP", Mike: Oh, the wit. Oh, my sides. Tom: Never let it be said that conspiracy theorists don't have a sense of humor. > one of the functions of this antenna array in Alaska is > weather modification. Mike: If Sean Connery in a teddy bear suit, is responsible, can I feel free to hurt something? > > The official "information" put on the website claims that HAARP is used to > study the Ionosphere. Naturally, there is no possible way for a snow storm > to stay stationary and rotate around a mountian for several hours. > Artifically there would be a way by using what is called Tesla technology Tom: [British announcer] Just another - AMAZING DISCOVERY! [Mike & Crow applaud] > > Late in the 19th century and early in the 20th Century, a genius > named Nikola Tesla had made many inventions that are predecessors > to modern power distribution technology which includes the concept of > alternating current. Alternating current runs every modern convience you > use from your television to your microwave. Tom: Well, except for your modern, self-sufficient bot. Crow: Yeah, we run on a self-contained, highly efficient system of fusion reactors, transflux capacitors, and rubber bands. > Tesla's other experiments > involved using low frequency longitutal waves to manipulate weather > patterns around his experiments to control the weather. Crow: Or shock the hell out of himself. > > Tesla had planned to use this technology to help humanity, but was > pushed into obscurity when millionaire and Son of Belial Freemason > J.P. Morgan, the man who caused the sinking of Titanic, [Mike, who was drinking something, does a spit-take.] Mike: [Astonished] Cleverly disguised as an iceberg????? Crow: [Mike, who was drinking something, does a spit-take.] Mike: [Astonished] He was cleverly disguised as an iceberg????? Crow: No, Mike, remember from the James Cameron Conspiracy Theory? Super- Financier and Gong Show Panelist J.P. Morgan was like that guy from the Wonder Twins. He could change form into a gigantic iceberg. > refused to finance > Tesla's longitutal wave experiments. Eventually Tesla's weather > modification got the attention of the U.S. Government. Mike: Who immediately slapped a weather tax on it. > When Tesla died in > 1942, his experiments and work was confiscated by the U.S. Government and > classified as top secret. Some of this work is even speculated to have been > used in the "Philadelphia Experiment" in 1943 to make ships radar > invisible, All: RADAR!!!! > the first use of "stealth" technology. Mike: Later successfully used by Bill Clinton to arrange several trysts with smitten young interns. > > Through several U.S. Government programs this technology would make its way > into the laboratories of the U.S. Military's Research and Development. One > of the many projects that manifested out of military Research and > Development was the HAARP project. Crow: [JFK] I believe this nation should commit itself to developing a large, melodious stringed instrument by the end of the decade. > > After visiting the HAARP website, Daniel Perez discovered several > Ionographs Tom: Danger Will Robinson! We have Third-Person Author Alert! We're one step from self-insertion! > that indicated there were several large pulses being transmitted > from HAARP during the time of the snowstorm and reached a very large peak > intensity at the time of the "landing" shortly after midnight Mountian Time > at Turret Mountian and during the ELF pulse at 2:47 AM The only ionograps > that were attainable were from the times near the ELF pulse. Crow: Apparently, the ionographs also managed to wipe out all of this guy's commas and semi-colons. > The ionographs > closest to the pulse weren't available as if someone did want them to get > out even though the graphs are publicly available information paid with our > tax dollars. Tom: [Peter Jennings] It's... your money. > > This saga with EQ Pegasi has escalated with NASA accusing Richard Hoagland > of faking the Ionographs, even though they're from HAARP's own website. Tom: [Billy Crystal] I would know if somebody would fake an Ionograph... Crow: [Meg Ryan] Oh really? ughh.... ooohh... oh gawd... YES! YES! YES! The Ionographs registered ELFs at 2:57 eastern.... OH GOD YES! YESSSS!!! Mike: You guys are *TRYING* to make me sick to my stomach, aren't you? > Here's an intriguing question, if HAARP is run by the U.S. Navy, why would > NASA be screaming about faked data if they don't have any connections to > this particular project? Tom: Here's another intriguing question - if a tree falls in the forest, and James Cameron isn't there to hear it, is it still part of the conspiracy? > From their reaction it's likely they do have > "behind the scenes" connections to the use of the HAARP system for > modifying the weather to cover-up any secret projects they are involved in. Crow: Well, maybe their kids wanted to go and play in the snow... why do all of these Masons' motives have to be so dark? Maybe they like sleigh-rides, through the snow... in the middle of the desert. > Not only that, if you currently go to HAARP's website, all of the > Ionographs between 17:15 Universal Time on December 4th and 11:29 Universal > Time December 10th, have been deleted. TOM: "Universal Time"? MIKE: [basso] Attention Earthlings! At the huge antimatter blast which will destroy your population centers and reduce your civilizations to rubble, the time will be exactly 15:30, Universal Daylight Savings Time. Thank you. > Are the insiders now destroying > evidence? Crow: America is threatened by an intermittent server failure! > > With further research, Hoagland has discovered what Project Samson really > is, a hyperdimensional shield system to protect certain military > installations in the United States from bombardment from space. Mike: Proof positive, the military are huge trekkers... > After > several strange circular snow patterns were discovered in radar images over > a period of several days, the snow patterns were correlated with the > locations of several military installations across the United States. Mike: Sounds like we're being invaded by Calvin and Hobbes. > > Project Samson also has a counterpart if the wording is reversed > using the Freemasonic technique of the inversion of words and > numbers. Project Samson can become the Samson Project. Tom: And Tom Servo can become Servo Tom. Mike: And Teletubbies can become Tubbieteles. Crow: And Bite Me can become Me Bite. > Strangely enough, > there is a program called the Samson Project, it's a missile defense > simulator system being developed by the Los Alamos Nuclear Laboratories in > New Mexico. The programming scenarios for the Samson Project involves > cruise missile strikes on Iraq. Mike: However, it can be easily neutralized by the shadowy forces of the "Delilah Project". > The title in the program window is "God's > Eye View" as if to symbolize the Great Architech of the Universe in > Freemasonry. Crow: I suppose if it were called "Bird's Eye View," we'd get a rant about how Masons worship frozen dinners. > > As of December 16th, 1998 President Clinton ordered the use of > cruise missiles and bombers on Iraq in a new Persian Gulf War to > knock out Saddam Hussein. Some are accusing Clinton of using the bombings > as a "Wag the Dog" scenario Crow: A lot of people have accused Clinton of "wagging the dog" in the Oval Office. > to stave off the Impeachment Vote in Congress, > but what Richard Hoagland found in regards to Defense Secretary William > Cohen gives a different answer. Tom: He did it to impress Jodie Foster. > > The speech reversal that was done on one of Cohen's speeches back > in April with the reversed statements Tom: "Butt my up jump." > "December 7th" and "Project > Samson" follows the Freemasonic symbolism pattern that Hoagland has been > mapping out in regards to the arrival of extra-terrestrials. Mike: [Col. Klink] Hoooooagland! > In other > words, the present Iraq crisis is being used by the Sons of Belial Faction > of Freemasonry to cover-up the arrival of their extra-terrestrial allies > from Sirius for a possible "Independence Day" or an "Armageddon" scenario > to bring in the New World Order. Mike: Wait, so Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith and Bruce Willis and George Bush and Norman Schwarzkopf are all going to go screaming off into the stratosphere to blow things up? Crow: I dunno, but it'd make a great James Cameron movie! > > All of these new developments picked up steam after something from the > direction of EQ Pegasi landed on Turret Peak near Phoenix, Arizona on > December 7th and that new documents relating to Majestic-12 and the > governments knowledge of extra-terrestrials were released on the Art Bell > show on the same day. Mike: And *that's* a reliable place to get information. I've seen fortune cookies with more pertinence. Crow: Even so, Mike, you've got to admit, Art's a snappy dresser. Mike: Uh... OK. > Since it's known the Son's of Belial's ancenstors > come from the star Sirius, which is known as the Dog Star, "Wag the Dog" > should be known as "Wag the Sirius". By using Egyptian mythology, "Wag the > Sirius" becomes "Wag the Isis". Crow: By using the Little Orphan Annie decoder ring, "Wag the Isis" becomes "Wag the Ovaltine." Tom: Wag my butt! Mike: Tom, you've got to cool it. Tom: [Weeping] I'm sorry Mike, you try to riff, but you can't keep it up for long! > > Symbollically "Wag the Dog" is a code name for fooling everyone's > take on reality. By transmuting "Wag the Dog" into "Wag the Sirius" Mike: Tom, you're vapor locked on the Star Trek pilot, snap out of it man! Tom: I'm sorry Mike, but where does this stuff come from?! It's like all he does is leap between the Internet Movie Database and conspiracy pages, trying to put wrong what once went right, hoping that each time the next leap of logic will be the leap home! Crow: That was beautiful, Tom. Tom: Thanks, I feel better now... > and into "Wag the Isis", it's very obvious that the Son's of Belial are > trying to fool everyone, including their own mothers because "Isis" is > symbolic of "mother" in Egyptian mythology. Tom: So this whole globe-spanning, diabolical conspiracy is just a way for the Masons to hide a few issues of "Playboy" in their rooms! > Their plan will symbolically > fail because of that old saying "You can fool the whole world but not your > own mother". Crow: Another, more recent saying says, "You can fool any paranoid idiot on the 'net..." Mike: Yeah, Crow? What's the rest? Crow: That's it. Mike: Ah. > > In regards to the James Cameron Conspiracy Theory, Crow: Oh, wait, that's right, Jimmy Cameron was supposed to be in here somewhere. Tom: Didn't the same thing happen in the first one? It's deja vu all over again! > the film "Terminator 2: > Judgment Day" was filmed at the time of the first war in Iraq in 1991. The > title of the film was symbolic of death and destruction that is yet to come > and the films distributor, Tri-Star, had a flying white horse as it's logo; > i.e. Pegasus or death. Crow: This has been brought to you by the Redundant Department of Redundant Redundancies... > Lo and behold the day before President Clinton > ordered the latest air strikes for the new Persian Gulf War, James Cameron > decides to make Terminator 3 on December 15th, 1998. Tom: That oughta be a real interesting set, considering his nasty divorce from Linda Hamilton. Mike: Now we get to find out who the *real* Terminator in the family is! > > This occured nine days after the manufactured snowstorm via HAARP weather > modification in Phoenix, Arizona on December 6th and the air strikes > occured nine days after arrival of something from EQ Pegasi in the Pegasus > contstellation on December 7th. Again there's the Pegasus/Death symbology > and the nine in the "nine days" is symbolic of "completion" in numberology. Crow: [singing] It's been - nine days you looked at me; dropped your bombs and told those aliens to invade me... > > Another symbolic connection has been found between Cameron's decision to > make Terminator 3 and Clinton's decision to attack Iraq. Crow: They're both bad decisions that will probably end up making them heaps of money. > The name of the > current dispute is called "Operation Desert Fox". Some have linked the name > "Desert Fox" with Nazi General Erwin Rommel's nickname "Desert Fox". Crow: [Patton] I read his book, the magnificent bastard! > In the > James Cameron Conspiracy Theory, it stated that the Sons of Belial were > responsible for the political rise of Adolf Hitler and the creation of Nazi > Germany. So the "Desert Fox" reference obviously points to who named the > attack on Iraq, the Sons of Belial. Mike: [author] Don't let the fact that Erwin Rommel has been dead for over half a century fool you! > According to news reports, Terminator 3 > will be financed by Twentieth Century Fox, another obvious "Fox" reference. Mike: Let me follow this reasoning. Iraq is bombed with the name Desert Fox, Desert Fox was the nickname of a Nazi soldier, One wacky conspiracy claims that the Sons of Belial were responsible for the Nazis, and Kevin Bacon is a member of the Sons of Belial? Tom: Fox you! Mike: Tom! That's it, we're leaving. > Tom: [runs to side of theater] Never! Mike: [tries to recover Tom] Tom, we've got to get you out of here! > The Fox is a predatory animal related to Dog family. Since we made an Tom: No, you're one of the Sons of Belial, get away from me! > earlier connection between the "Dog Star" in Constellation Canis Major to > Sirius, it's another obvious reference to the Son's of Belial. > > So if Operation Desert Fox involves the Military and Industry and > Twentieth Century Fox involves Hollywood, this shows obvious Mike: Logical flaws within the narrative... Tom! Get back here! > manipulation by the Sons of Belial Freemasons at the Apex of the > tetrahedral structure that makes up the previously discussed > "MILITARY/INDUSTRIAL/HOLLYWOOD" complex. > > But did Cameron decide to make Terminator 3 himself or was there some Mike: Tom, you've got to come back to me boy! Tom: No, Eddie Furlong... lip gloss... get away! Mike: [He rushes Tom and grabs him quickly before he can escape] Aha! Gotcha! > prodding from the Sons of Belial who are attempting to get Cameron to leave > the Law of One faction of Freemasonry and make him come back to their side? > > STAY TUNED. Mike: Same Freemason time, same Freemason channel! Crow: Well, at least there were no Lip Balm references... Tom: [Weakly] Sons of Belial... HAARP... fading quickly > > BACK TO THE JAMES CAMERON CONSPIRACY THEORY Crow: Already in progress. [Mike picks up poor Tom, carries him in his arms and follows Crow out of the theater.] From: Roland Warner Subject: MiSTed: James Cameron - 33rd Degree Mason (3/3) Date: 1999/07/21 Message-ID: <37959D60.1401@vnet.net> X-Deja-AN: 503477975 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii X-Trace: ralph.vnet.net 932552087 166.82.226.19 (Wed, 21 Jul 1999 06:14:47 EDT) Organization: Hobgoblins, Inc. MIME-Version: 1.0 Reply-To: toms...@vnet.net NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 21 Jul 1999 06:14:47 EDT Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc [@...1...2...3...4...5...6...*] [Tom is in a miniature bed, a thermometer hanging from his metallic mouth. He periodically spouts nonsense from both James Cameron Conspiracy Theories. Mike and Crow surround him, comforting him.] Tom: Terminator... Freemasons... Kiwanas... Shriner Conventions... President Bush - Lip Gloss... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Mike: [Patting Tom's Globe] Easy boy! It'll be okay soon. We'll find this Perez guy and make him pay! Crow: And how, praytell, do you plan to do that? Mike: Shush, Crow! I'm trying to comfort poor Tom here. Tom: I'm a goner, Mike. It's all over for me. Crow: Oh, stop complaining, ya big baby! Mike: Crow, go easy on him, he had a hard time in the theater. Crow: Well, I read the same thing he did, and I'm fine. Mike: What, you don't feel *any* aftereffects from that Conspiracy Theory? Crow: Nope! I'm fit as a fiddle. Mike: Okay, Houdini, what gives - how'd you survive unscathed? Crow: Simple, Mike - my brain is compartmentalized, which allows my subconscious mind to riff away, while my consciousness spends more productive time playing this neat "Adventure" text-game! Right now, I'm stuck in a "Maze of Twisty Passages all alike." Mike: So basically, you're cheating and not even looking at the same thing we are? Crow: That's pretty much it. The only memories I have in the theater involve Colossal Caves and XYZZY. Mike: Hmm, that may be just what we need! Can you transfer that game from your memory banks to Tom's? It might just take his mind off of James Cameron and concentrate on solving the game! Crow: Well, I'll give it a shot! Here, get those connecters under the table, and run it from me to Tom. Mike: This one? [holds up jumper cable] Crow: Yeah. Red ones to Tom. Mike: Naturally. Crow: Just don't hook it up backwards - I don't wanna start collecting underwear. [Mike clamps the red cable to Tom and the black one to Crow. A few moments pass. Suddenly, Tom jumps up from his bed.] Tom: OH NO! THERE'S A SMALL DWARF WITH AN AXE IN THE ROOM! "N" YOU CAN'T GO NORTH. THE DWARF THROWS THE AXE, NARROWLY MISSING YOU! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! [Tom panics and runs off to the left.] Mike: [Watching Tom run away] Whew! Looks like Tom's gonna be okay! Crow: Yeah, thank goodness he's back to normal. [Mads' Light flashes.] Crow: Oh, Mike, Pearl's calling. Mike: [Mike hits the button and turns back to the screen.] Hey, Pearl, how'd the "TheatreVision" thingy go? [CF - Pearl stands on the stage as the blind people talk amongst themselves.] Pearl: Mike, I don't know what happened! I did exactly like the Conspiracy Theory said, but these people still have free-will! I should be ruling their pathetic, miserable souls by now! [Bobo walks in to Pearl's right.] Bobo: Maybe you should try using more bananas, Lawgiver. I've always noticed bananas helps get people's attentions more and- Pearl: Bobo, why don't you go help Brain Guy sort out his leaf collection? Bobo: When did he get a leaf collection? Pearl: When I threw his brain out the window! Now, go help him before I throw your sorry as-er, butt out the window as well! Bobo: Point understood. [Bobo wanders away. Pearl turns back to the screen.] Pearl: Now, what did you all think of the "TheatreVision" thingy? [An audience member named Alia stands up.] Alia: I thought it was interesting, but too much talking by Mike and Crow, and not enough of Tom! Tom has the sexiest voice! [Another audience member stands up.] Dinah: I don't get the point! I kept trying to listen to this thing they were reading, but those three kept talking too much for me to understand what was going on! [The Audience's volume slowly rises as more complaints rise about too much talking during the Conspiracy Theory. Slowly they ramble to the stage and towards Pearl. The camera fades out as they reach Pearl and when it's completely black. A voice can be heard.] Steve: What about my all-you-can-eat buffet dinner?? ----- "James Cameron - 33rd Degree Mason" was written by Daniel Perez. Give it up for the MiSTers: Returning from the first James Cameron MiSTing are Bill Livingston and Bart Fargo! Please give a round of applause to newcomer Mike Grasso for his first (and hilarious) MiSTing! Last (And most definately not least!) another round of applause for Melvin Pollack, WereTorgo, and Hunter Felt for their hilarious contributions as well! Portraying the Editor of this MiSTing is Roland Warner. Grateful acknowledgements to Mike Grasso for the iBot Sketch, and Bart Fargo for the Host Segment ideas, as well as Bill Livingston for revising the host segments that I had written, and making them so gosh darn funny! All I did was put the basic words to them! "Mystery Science Theater 3000" trademark of and (c) Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by others is intended or should be inferred. ----- > As Richard Hoagland says "...coincidence > after coincidence after coincidence". When does something stop being a > coincidence and become fused into reality as a new paradigm?